My Bridesmaids expect me to pay for them

posted 1 month ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 31
Member
232 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

In my wedding and in weddings that I have been in recently… we get a color scheme and are set to go out and find our attire based on guidelines given by the couple so that way we can find something we love and that is in our budget, this has worked out very well..unless it’s like some odd color, but even so the dresses that I have had to buy are typically no more than $150. ESPECIALLY with a small bridal party such as yours. When I was in my best friends wedding, I went out and tried on a few dresses within the guidelines and my best friend helped me choose which one worked better, and with the dress, accessories, shoes, and under garmets I spent around $100 and it was perfect. 

Then for my wedding I did similair, and my best friend was able to find something AWESOME to wear that I approved of for under $100 

what isn’t expensive to you may be to them, regardless if they work full time and have no children.

Post # 32
Member
1670 posts
Bumble bee

sunburn :  in my social circles, bachelorette parties have replaced bridal showers. People are generally married later in life where they already have a bunch of stuff, but I live in a region where people have mostly given up on the idea of ever owning a home and have resigned themselves to moving fairly frequently — so the last thing they want is even more stuff to have to pack and unpack. Thus, the bachelorette party — a celebration with no physical gifts. 

Post # 33
Member
6023 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

septemberwedding2019 :  I wouldn’t pay $400 for clothes (that you picked) to wear to your one day party.

It sounds like some budget review is in order here, OP. All around. If the dresses haven’t been purchased yet, can you give them the option to choose their own (but in a particular color scheme) or add their dresses to your wedding budget or something else? Can the bachelorette happen somewhere else or for a lower price?

Post # 34
Member
3758 posts
Honey bee

curiouscat2017 :  In that case a bachelorette party is more understandable, provided it’s affordable. Are you in Australia too? 

Post # 35
Member
785 posts
Busy bee

Maybe this is very different, but I’m in the US and I would straight up never pay $380 for bridesmaid dress and shoes. Most people I know don’t even have their girls but new shoes, for one. A reasonable cost (and what I’ve paid in multiple weddings) is anywhere from $100-180. I am looking in the $150 or less range for my own bridesmaid dresses. I’d be pretty upset if I were one of your maids and you expected me to pay that much for the outfit. And I’m the type of person who thinks you should be able to fill dictate what your bridesmaids wear/all about wedsinf asthetics. 

ETA: I just saw sunburns conversion/didn’t think about that. The price to USD isn’t that terrible, but still far outside of what I would be comfortable spending for a friends wedding.

Post # 36
Member
194 posts
Blushing bee

I have been a bridesmaid in a UK wedding and a CAD wedding.

UK wedding the bride paid for my dress and contributed towards shoes. She picked a really ugly shoe that was in her budget, and all the bridesmaids said we would happily pay a bit more out of our own pockets for nicer shoes. I paid for my own dress alterations. The bride paid for my makeup and hair.

Canadian wedding I paid for my own dress, but I got to pick it. I found a $40 clearance dress in the right colour, and wore my shoes from the previous wedding. I think all the girls attending the bachelorette chipped in $125 to cover hotels and the bride’s dinner. I organized the bachelorette and asked everyone in advance if $125 was within their budget.

I am a bridesmaid in an upcoming wedding in Canada. The bride has advised she will cover the cost of my dress (this may be because our entire family is Scottish and so UK precedent is followed), and I have the option of having my hair and makeup done but I will have to pay for that.

You say your friends have full time jobs and no kids. So what? Being single is EXPENSIVE. I work full time, make good money, and live paycheque to paycheque. I have massive student loans, and I own my own place. In retrospect purchasing a property may not have been the best decision (renting would have been cheaper), but single living, grocery shopping, etc. is not cheap.

Post # 37
Member
89 posts
Worker bee

When I was a bridesmaid for my cousin, I paid 180 USD for dress/alterations + 50 for shoes + 100 hair/make-up. I think I paid another 250 for the bachelorette party which consisted of 2 nights in a hotel in Connecticut doing nothing special but dinner, drinks, and a club (whopping total of 580 USD!!).

I was 25 and that was everything I made in 1 month (After rent/utilities in nyc). I was miserable the entire time. Don’t do this to your friends – I obviously didn’t want to speak up and be the 1 broke party pooper, so it would have been nice if my cousin saved me the embarassment and not put me in the difficult position in the first place.

Post # 42
Member
617 posts
Busy bee

It is pretty poor of them if they are changing their word on what they were ok with originally.

I don’t think they are being selfish for asking you to contribute to both. $380 is pricey to me so I would like the bride to contribute to that. The hens part is hard though, did you express that you would not want one if it meant you had to contribute? As it is a kind of ‘expected’ event, it isnt odd of them to organise it and ask for contributions. I am an aussie bee and usually the bride contributes a little bit to the event. 

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