(Closed) My bridesmaids hate each other! And one of their boyfriends groped me?!?!

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
1041 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Firstly, welcome to Weddingbee, and secondly, I’m so sorry you’re having a tough time with your bridesmaids (and Gropey McGee).

Unfortunately bringing different groups of people together can sometimes go horribly long. If the issues continue to bother you despite having spoken to each of the girls about it, it seems like you’ve probably done everything you can do. Bearing this in mind, is the continued tension something you think you can deal with during the lead-up to the wedding? Will there be enough together-time that you think it will ruin your experience? It’s fine if your bridesmaid has an opinion on the size of your wedding party (although her comment sounds like it may have been a little insensitive – especially if you think she said it because it made her feel less special), but it shouldn’t sway what you want or make you feel bad about it. No one should make you feel bad about your choices for your own wedding (unless of course you’re planning on making them serve food and provide entertainment all night or something).

Maybe think about what would make you truly happy right now, all things given. Perhaps you would want a smaller wedding party because you’ve realized that including all of your friends is going to be a little more than you can handle. There’s nothing wrong with that. There is also nothing wrong with cutting the bridal party at this point, as it sounds like you’re fairly early on in the planning process. It’s not ideal, of course, and it may feel awkward, but your true friends will understand that you may have realized a smaller number of bridesmaids will suit you better. They must know they don’t all get on, so I don’t think it would be too much of a surprise.

My best friend originally asked three girls to be bridesmaids and two maids of honour. There were no issues between the girls, but she eventually told the three breidemaids that she loves and values them all the same, but that she has decided to have only the two MOHs in the wedding party, to match the two groomsmen. They understood and were completely supportive.

As for the groping boyfriend, how awful! I’m glad they apologized, but I can understand why you still feel uncomfortable. If your main worry is that something inappropriate may happen at your wedding, I think you and your SO will be so busy enjoying your day and spending time with other guests that I doubt anything wayward would happen. But if it’s more than that, you should do what makes you happiest. That may involve weighing the strength of your feelings against the potential fallout with your friend, and maybe also consider whether the bad emotions would have died down by the time of your wedding anyway. A lot can be moved past with a bit of time.

I hope others can give you guidance too. I am sure you will work this out and I wish you the best of luck!

Post # 4
3136 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

How many all-bridesmaid events are there? I didn’t realize that the STD reveal was one. 

Are these conflicts new? If not, a little foresight could have prevented this…

I say limit their interaction to official business only. And why not confront people on their cattiness. I personally do not understand why all of your friends need to be IN the wedding. Do you really need 9 girls standing next to you? could you somehow cut it back to maybe 3? Visually I think that’s better in pics anyway, but that’s just my opinion. 

Post # 5
310 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

If you see this issue still bothering you however many years from now, then you might as well just not invite the guy. He is a jerk anyway. Your real friends will stick with you. While losing the fake ones can be bittersweet, it is great to know who the genuine people are. 

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