- 6 years ago
- Wedding: December 2013
Longtime lurker, first time poster! Would love some advice here!
I have a lovely and large bridal party of 8, and I am planning on inviting just over 200 guests to my formal wedding. The bridesmaids comprise groups of close friends from different parts of my life: friends I have made in graduate school, and friends from two of my former social groups from college (orchestra and newspaper), and unfortunately they don’t all get along! While I love all of the girls individually, and each of the sub-groups (e.g. the orchestra friends) get along with each other, I find that when I have all of the girls together, it’s especially awkward. My college friends all know each other, and some of the newspaper girls definitively don’t like the orchestra girls, and vice versa. The general dislike some of the ladies have for each other is very obvious and makes me super uncomfortable. I haven’t had many all-bridesmaids events because of how some of the girls act toward each other (passive-aggressive and disinterested in what they have to say, covert eyerolls, negative comments about their fashion/style behind their back, etc.), and I’m very sad that my Save the Dates have come in and I’m scared to show my bridesmaids because thinking of getting the whole group together makes me anxious. I have talked to some of the girls individually, and they have each said that they will try to be nice “for me, and my special day” but their true feelings always end up showing through, and they become visibly uncomfortable when the whole group is together. I am upset that we are in our mid-20’s and I feel like this is a teenage drama situation.
I’m also rather bummed because one of my bridesmaids told me that having so many girls makes it “so much less special” and told me with so many girls, they won’t all fit in photos. I’ve also thought long and hard about asking a classmate whom I’ve grown exceptionally close to over the past year, and have cultivated a wonderful friendship with, to be a bridesmaid as well, because at this point, I am even closer to her than most of my college bridesmaids due to location, and I have so much fun with her. However, I am genuinely dreading the reaction I will get from the “so much less special” bridesmaid and a few of the others who are particular about the “exclusivity and prestige” of being a bridesmaid.
At this point, I almost regret asking my friends so early (My wedding is in December 2013). I asked them informally, and while I would love to make pretty boxes and cards to “thank” my girls for being bridesmaids, I just get such a sad dreadful feeling when I think about setting up the boxes with personalized wine glasses and rhinestone bridesmaid tank tops. I really love each of my bridesmaids individually, but all together, they are a catastrophe, and I feel really sad that I can’t enjoy all of my different friends together, and that I feel like I can’t have who I want as my bridesmaids because it will upset some of the girls who are already bridesmaids.
***To add a wrench in this dramatic situation, last month, at homecoming, the boyfriend of the “so much less special” bridesmaid, squeezed my butt with both of his hands, in front of my friend, the bridesmaid, and said “honk honk” and that he was “sorry for me for having such a flat butt.” I was so embarrassed and shocked and angry at his behavior; and his drunken groping and stupidity has caused a rift in my relationship with this girl, on top of everything else that she has said regarding the size of my bridal party being too big, etc. etc. Both the bridesmaid and her boyfriend have apologized multiple times to me, but I am very wary and distrustful of her and her boyfriend now. Honestly, I do not want to even invite her boyfriend to my wedding, but I am afraid she would have a meltdown, and somehow convince all of my orchestra friends to drop out of my wedding party (which honestly, would make my bridesmaid situation easier, but I don’t want to lose my friends!)***
Thank you for reading all of this, any thoughts on how to handle the multiple groups of friends getting along, and the issue with the “handsy” guy would be appreciated!