(Closed) My bridesmaids wants guests to give money towards my shower.

posted 4 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
2809 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

“i’m sorry, but i refuse to have a shower which was funded by guests. i’d rather not have a shower than have one like that. either find another funding source, or don’t throw the shower.”

Post # 5
1329 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@drod:  I think your idea to funnel money through your mother is an okay one. A better idea might be to ask your mother to tell them to not do that.

Why aren’t they planning a shower they can afford? For example, at someone’s home with homemade food? 

Post # 6
1871 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

WOW! I would be so pissed if I found out my bridesmaids did that!!! It upsets me that they wouldn’t tell you that is what they were planning. WTH! Have you ever thrown a shower for any of them? If all of your BMs are hosting together, the cost shouldnt be too overwhelming.

Post # 8
1068 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Seriously? That sucks!!! I would just fund it, if I were you. Just be like, “Here, I don’t want the guests to have to pay, so I’ll pay it.” 

Post # 10
7978 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Would your mother or FMIL be willing to reach out to them and offer to pay?

Post # 11
45627 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I am a firm believer in open, honest communication.Just tell her that you have been advised of the plan to collect money, and if it is true, you do not want a shower under those conditions.

Be clear that you are happy with something simple at someone’s home (can it be held at your mother’s home?), or just a bridal luncheon, but under no circumtances will you be party to collecting money from the guests.

I would give her the benefit of the doubt that she is doing this with the best of intentions. It seems like in some areas, showers have gotten completely out of hand with huge guests lists, expensive venues and food etc.   She needs to know that you do not need that.

Post # 13
613 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@colorofmyheart:  +1 

i do not blame you for feeling this way – i unfortunately would find it very rude and possibly even decline the invite if i were a guest being asked to contribute $ – being asked to bring some type of food would be one thing but I find asking for funding rude, and inappropriate.  Be honest with your bridesmaids.  Tell them that if they cannot afford it you would like to pitch in or just skip it all together.

Post # 14
1329 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@julies1949:  This is the best advice, really. 

Post # 15
3082 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Wow. I can’t believe they want to as, guests for money. I don’t think I would attend a shower like this

Post # 16
336 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@drod:  Yeah, I don’t like the idea of BM trying to get guests who are not in the wedding party paying for the shower!  That would not sit right with me either.  I kinda understand why you might not want to put your foot down and sorta ruin the vibe between you and your girls, but maybe your mom could speak up, and send a email message to the girls saying that she would like to host the shower, or offer her assistance.

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