(Closed) My brother as a groomsman?

posted 8 years ago in Grooms/men
Post # 3
3316 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

If it is important to you to have your brother in the wedding, you should ask him to be a bridesman.  Your Fiance should be able to ask whoever he wants to be his attendants.  And the numbers do not have to be equal.

Post # 4
987 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

I think your Fiance will look quite selfish by all members of your family if he doesn’t ask your brother.  You have a large bridal party, he is having his brothers in it, and you have only 1 sibling who you state you are very close to and your FI knows him well also.  I’d be inclined to say to him that you may have to ask him to stand on your side are a bridesman if he’s not prepared to ask him. 

Sure your Fiance can choose who he wants, but I think family and pleasing you are so important. 

Post # 5
1920 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I understand how you feel. I am in the same situation. I really want my brother to be a groomsmen but I’m not sure if Fiance is going to choose him. However, I’m traditional and don’t like the idea of bridesman or uneven numbers. I would just talk to your Fiance though and tell him first that he really should finish asking all his Groomsmen and that you would like him to choose your brother but if he has someone else in mind you understand his decision.

Post # 6
118 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I agree with 2dBride, the numbers do not have to be equal. If it is important to you that your brother be in the wedding party than he should be there. PS my Fiance has not asked anyone to be in the wedding party yet and our wedding is is in 8 months. I think guys are just more easy going about these things… 

Post # 8
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

If it’s important to you to have your brother in the wedding, I would just tell your fi that. My husband put my brother in at my request, even though I feel like he’s a lot closer to other people. But I wanted all of our siblings in our wedding and he respected and understood that. Plus, you have a pretty big wedding party so your fi already gets to have his nearest and dearest.

Post # 9
441 posts
Helper bee

I was in this situation. We had 5 attendants on each side, and I really wanted my brother to be a part of our wedding. I wanted my husband to choose who he wanted, so I tried not to pressure him into asking my brother. However, my husband picked 4 people that were important to him, and he was trying to “just pick” a 5th person, so I told him how important it was to me that my brother stand up with us.

Your Fiance still has 3 guys to pick, right. I’d just tell him how important it is to you to have your brother in the wedding, especially if your Fiance doesn’t have 6 guys that he is really close to.

Post # 10
277 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I had the same problem.  I asked my husband to include my brothers but he was all hesitant about it so I said forget it. They’re going to stand on my side!  I had 5 on my side (my two brother and 3 bridesmaid) and he had 4.

Post # 11
29 posts
  • Wedding: October 2011

Are you having ushers? Or readers? Tell your Fiance that he can add his additional friends in those responsibilities… it’s important to you to have all of your siblings standing next to you. For our wedding, my Fiance actually made it easier on himself by putting my brother as a groomsman, even though we agreed initially that he would be an usher. That way he could have two of his friends be ushers, and one wouldn’t be angry that the other was chosen for a groomsman instead of themself, you know?


I wouldn’t be worried that you only have 8 months… but getting him to just do it already is a task! Set a date, and tell him that it needs to be done by then. Sometimes you just have to make a priority list and show them that one thing leads to another: no clothes before all the groomsmen have been chosen, no gifts for them, no bachelor party planning…

Post # 12
634 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I am in a simmilar spot too. I would love Fiance to chose my only brother… if he doesn’t do it on his own then I will have no hesitation in *gently* pushing him! LOL

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