Post # 1
Hey hive, I’d like some opinions please!
I’m trying my hardest not to become irked, but my Fiance is taking a reaaaallly long time to ask his groomsmen to participate in the wedding. We’re having a relatively large wedding party with 6 attendants on each side, and so far he’s asked 3 of 6. (He has 3 brothers who he’s asked) We’ve been engaged about 8 months and the wedding is only 6 months away.. yikes!
I only have one sibling, my older brother who has always been quite close to me. When we were first discussing our attendants, I mentioned to Fiance that I’d love it if he chose my brother as a groomsman and he said he thought that was a good idea! He’s good friends with my brother as well, and he’s had several chances over the holidays to ask him but hasn’t. He’s also made some strange remarks to me that hint that he’d like another friend of his in the party instead. I always let him know that he just needs to do whatever makes him happy, and he needs to do it before the Save-The-Date Cards are sent!
I’m not sure what to do… is it too much to ask to have my brother be a part of the wedding party or should I rescind my suggestion? When did your Fiance ask his groomsmen?
Post # 3
If it is important to you to have your brother in the wedding, you should ask him to be a bridesman. Your Fiance should be able to ask whoever he wants to be his attendants. And the numbers do not have to be equal.
Post # 4
I think your Fiance will look quite selfish by all members of your family if he doesn’t ask your brother. You have a large bridal party, he is having his brothers in it, and you have only 1 sibling who you state you are very close to and your FI knows him well also. I’d be inclined to say to him that you may have to ask him to stand on your side are a bridesman if he’s not prepared to ask him.
Sure your Fiance can choose who he wants, but I think family and pleasing you are so important.
Post # 5
I understand how you feel. I am in the same situation. I really want my brother to be a groomsmen but I’m not sure if Fiance is going to choose him. However, I’m traditional and don’t like the idea of bridesman or uneven numbers. I would just talk to your Fiance though and tell him first that he really should finish asking all his Groomsmen and that you would like him to choose your brother but if he has someone else in mind you understand his decision.
Post # 6
I agree with 2dBride, the numbers do not have to be equal. If it is important to you that your brother be in the wedding party than he should be there. PS my Fiance has not asked anyone to be in the wedding party yet and our wedding is is in 8 months. I think guys are just more easy going about these things…
Post # 7
Thanks for your input, girls!
puntacanabride, I’m with you in being more traditional. I’m not crazy about the idea of a ‘bridesman’ and I’d really like the sides to be equal.. that’s why we discussed our sides and settled on 6 many moons ago so I could ask my girls rightaway 🙂
melly, I guess you’re right that guys are a little more relaxed in this department. I guess i can’t take it personally that he hasn’t jumped to ask his guys since he’s not the one thinking about wedding stuff 25/7!
I think I’ll just remind him tomorrow to ask his remaining guys this week (STD’s go out next week!) and leave it up to him to make the final choice?
Post # 8
If it’s important to you to have your brother in the wedding, I would just tell your fi that. My husband put my brother in at my request, even though I feel like he’s a lot closer to other people. But I wanted all of our siblings in our wedding and he respected and understood that. Plus, you have a pretty big wedding party so your fi already gets to have his nearest and dearest.
Post # 9
I was in this situation. We had 5 attendants on each side, and I really wanted my brother to be a part of our wedding. I wanted my husband to choose who he wanted, so I tried not to pressure him into asking my brother. However, my husband picked 4 people that were important to him, and he was trying to “just pick” a 5th person, so I told him how important it was to me that my brother stand up with us.
Your Fiance still has 3 guys to pick, right. I’d just tell him how important it is to you to have your brother in the wedding, especially if your Fiance doesn’t have 6 guys that he is really close to.
Post # 10
I had the same problem. I asked my husband to include my brothers but he was all hesitant about it so I said forget it. They’re going to stand on my side! I had 5 on my side (my two brother and 3 bridesmaid) and he had 4.
Post # 11
Are you having ushers? Or readers? Tell your Fiance that he can add his additional friends in those responsibilities… it’s important to you to have all of your siblings standing next to you. For our wedding, my Fiance actually made it easier on himself by putting my brother as a groomsman, even though we agreed initially that he would be an usher. That way he could have two of his friends be ushers, and one wouldn’t be angry that the other was chosen for a groomsman instead of themself, you know?
I wouldn’t be worried that you only have 8 months… but getting him to just do it already is a task! Set a date, and tell him that it needs to be done by then. Sometimes you just have to make a priority list and show them that one thing leads to another: no clothes before all the groomsmen have been chosen, no gifts for them, no bachelor party planning…
Post # 12
I am in a simmilar spot too. I would love Fiance to chose my only brother… if he doesn’t do it on his own then I will have no hesitation in *gently* pushing him! LOL