(Closed) My brother is upset that he isn't included in wedding party

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
9104 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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annz86:  How is your relationship with your brother? I kind of see his point, it does sound lopsided. If your fiance doesn’t want to ask him to stand with him, can’t you have him as a bridesman?

Post # 4
Member
47444 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

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annz86:  His feelings are probably hurt that the two of prioritized your FI’s niece and nephew over your own brother. I am not excusing his behavior. He acted like a spoiled brat.

Post # 5
Member
9104 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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annz86:  Not sure why you wouldn’t be comfortable having your brother stand up with you on your wedding day, but regardless — if your fiance is ok having him on his side, then I recommend calling or visiting your brother to sincerely apologize for not realizing it would mean so much to him, and say now that you know, would he and his girlfriend do you the honor of standing up with you. I’d let them decide whether to accept the offer or not, rather than not ask and have them think I just didn’t care. Best wishes.

Post # 6
Member
919 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I can see his side, I would be hurt too (since you guys are close). I’d probably give him some time to cool off and then talk to him about whether or not you want him to join the wedding party at this point – that’s a tough one, good luck. :/

Is there anything you can do to justify why he was left out? Is his girlfriend expecting the baby right before your wedding, etc. etc.? I’m not supporting lying, but sometimes telling a little white lie to make someone else feel better isn’t a bad thing.

Post # 8
Member
1799 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I can see why he is hurt.  Could he maybe walk your mum down the isle? COuld you have him as a groomsmen and his girlfriend as a bridesmaid? It probably will feel like an after thought but maybe make up a little box for each of them and ask them in a really cute way? Does he play an instrument that he could play when you walk down the isle? Do a reading? COuld he walk the page boy down the isle and the sister in law walks down with the flower girl? I think you need to sit down with them and apologise for what happened, admit you were wrong and try and come up with a way to make him feel included.  He did act like an ass though but sometimes we say things we dont mean when we are hurt.  He should apologise too.

Post # 10
Member
662 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

Due to your father passing away, could your brother walk you down the aisle?  I understand your brother being upset; however, his behavior was completely immature.

Post # 11
Member
6921 posts
Busy Beekeeper

While your brother acted very childish, I can see where he’s coming from.  If you’re really bothered by having him on your ‘side’, can he give you away instead?  You may already have a stepfather or someone doing that, but didn’t mention, so I thought that could be a possibility as well.  And go with what Daisy_Mae said about apologizing and that you didn’t realize how important it was to him.  Another alternative if you’re not doing a church wedding would be to have him become an officiant and he could do that portion of the ceremony, assuming you’d trust such a big role to him.

Post # 13
Member
919 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

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annz86:  Understandable….I like the idea some other PPs have thrown out about asking him to walk you down the aisle.

Post # 14
Member
1799 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

OCuld you brother walk you down the isle with your mum? My brother would be stoked! I think if you say ‘fuck you’ to someone that deserves an apology 🙂

Post # 15
Member
1744 posts
Bumble bee

I can see why his feelings are hurt.  Not sure why you thought it wouldn’t bother him, but you initially decided against including him.  If you decide to include him now, then I think it has to be in a major role: bridesman, groomsman, walking you down the aisle, officiant.  If it were me, and after I’d felt snubbed by being left out, and then was offered a secondary role like doing a reading or being an usher it would really feel like a consolation prize and might annoy me even further. Everyone may not have that reaction, but I think I would.  

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