My brother isn't coming to my wedding, no idea why.

posted 6 months ago in Guests
Post # 2
Member
4546 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

I would definitely bring this up to him. Ask to meet up and ask him why he’s so distant with you and why he doesn’t want to come to the wedding when you came and served in his. This would drive me nuts.

Post # 3
Member
785 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Wedgewood Las Vegas

Sounds a lot like my relationship with my brother. Sometime in high school we seemed to have parted ways. No big fall out, but we’re just two really different peeps. He’ll acknowledge my presence if I’m ever around, but other than that it’s been years since we talked. 

I invited him to my wedding, but he didn’t come. He told my parents it was because they didn’t have enough vacation time, but their social media that year was full of spontaneous, last minute vacations where they seemed to have an unlimited supply of vacation days. Oh well. My wedding was just fine without them. 

Honestly, I wouldn’t waste time chasing him down and demanding an explanation. I’ve tried this myself, and it really went nowhere. Sometimes there isn’t really a reason why people grow apart.

Otherwise, just let it go and have fun planning your wedding!

Post # 4
Member
11791 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

Your comment about him not having to worry about his friends seeing him at your wedding is heart breaking.

I’d say it is long past time to have a serious talk with him about your relationship. I’d say you are disappointed he is not attending the wedding, and that it has been obvious for many years he has some issue with you. You would like to figure out what it is and if there is anything you have done to upset or offend him. 

I’d start there. 

Post # 5
Member
47176 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Astrid89 :  Has he told you he won’t be attending? It’s way too early for invitations, so I’m wondering how you know.

Post # 7
Member
3093 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

I wonder if he grew up resentful of you because you got more attention than him? If you battled a terminal illness very young and then had physical repercussions to deal with afterward, perhaps without intending to or realizing It, your parents neglected him to focus on you? 

It’s not ok for him to take it out on you and to continue behaving so callously toward you as adults, but it might explain where this is coming from. 

I think you need to have a serious heart to heart with him. Tell him you don’t understand why he’s always disliked you and been so cold toward you and that it hurts because you love him and want to have a relationship with him .

Post # 12
Member
2709 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

Astrid89 :  can you ask his wife why he doesn’t like you?

Post # 13
Member
161 posts
Blushing bee

Astrid89 : It’s probably something to do with your parents. Most sibling drama is because of the relationship dynamic between siblings and their parents. He probably feels like you got more love and attention than him. Unless there is something that you did that you’re not telling us, I am willing to bet that he has some grievance with your parents. Speaking of, have you asked your parents to talk to him about not going? 

Post # 14
Member
785 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Wedgewood Las Vegas

Astrid89 :  Yep, I did the same thing. He kept brushing me off and it was clear I was never going to get an answer as to why. So I finally just made the decision that if he ever contacts me I’ll talk to him, but until then he’s free to ignore me. Right now I think we’ve gone about 3 years of not talking, and before that it was sketchy, and I’d see him only once every two or three years. Hell, I didn’t meet his firstborn until he was three years old, and I have yet to meet his second son at all. 

Sometimes I do get sad that I don’t have a relationship with him, but then I just have to remind myself that we were never super close at all while growing up anyways. 

Post # 15
Member
252 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2020 - City, State

Oh wow this is so sad. I really feel for you. My brother and I are quite close, and my fiancé used to be very close with his brother, but they had a huge falling out a few years ago and despite my fiancé reaching out time and again, they haven’t spoken in years. His brother doesn’t even talk to the rest of the family much, either. It’s really a shame and makes me so sad to see how they’ve grown apart. I would be heartbroken if my brother decided to not come to my wedding, I can only imagine what Fiance is going through, and you. It sounds like this has been going on with y’all for a long time though. I’m sorry he doesn’t want to talk about it with you, you sound very chill and forgiving. Have you tried talking to his wife about it just to get some closure? Kids have a way of revealing the truth, but I totally understand you wanting to know why he feels the way he does. At the end of the day you can’t control him or change his mind for him, but you have a right to know why. I hope you get the closure you need, if not the love you deserve.

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