Post # 1
So in short my brother does not really speak to me, when he does see me he might acknowledge me but if it is a public place with his friends he probably won’t, again no idea why. I will tell him I love him when I do see him and he will say it back but it’s like he’s so uncomfortable and guard is so up around me. It’s been this way since about 7th grade, and I’m 34 now and he’s 36 so a long time. All my friends and family, even our parents think it’s because maybe he’s jealous that I had a settlement back in the 1980’s for receiving way too much radiation when I had cancer as a baby. They all can only guess that maybe he’s jealous that I had a little SMALL nest egg due to this malpractice case. I think he’s embarrassed of me too because I was picked on mercilessly as child due to the cancer having damaged my face permanently so kids would pick on me and I think he was ashamed he had a not so normal looking sister, mentally I am just fine and no one else has ever disliked me and I don’t think I’m unattractive, it’s just part of having had cancer I got over it in 1986 ;). I kind of thought he’d want to come to the wedding though because it’s in a location where he could hunt and fish and he has vacation time saved up and I served in his as a bridesmaid back in 2005. It’s a small wedding so he wouldn’t have ever had to worry about his friends knowing he came so I just can’t believe he’s going to skip the whole wedding. His wife is nice and she tries to take up for his odd behavior towards me and sometimes my parents so I’m not going to push the issue. I guess I’m just wondering what anyone’s advice would be on how to lick my wounds on this and how to handle it, if I should even send them a photo or anything of our wedding or just not try to make him like me and just get married in 9 months and pretend it’s just one less guest. Let me know your thoughts please! Thanks ladies!!!! And cheers to all of your fabulous weddings past and future!
Post # 2
I would definitely bring this up to him. Ask to meet up and ask him why he’s so distant with you and why he doesn’t want to come to the wedding when you came and served in his. This would drive me nuts.
Post # 3
- Wedding: October 2016 - Wedgewood Las Vegas
Sounds a lot like my relationship with my brother. Sometime in high school we seemed to have parted ways. No big fall out, but we’re just two really different peeps. He’ll acknowledge my presence if I’m ever around, but other than that it’s been years since we talked.
I invited him to my wedding, but he didn’t come. He told my parents it was because they didn’t have enough vacation time, but their social media that year was full of spontaneous, last minute vacations where they seemed to have an unlimited supply of vacation days. Oh well. My wedding was just fine without them.
Honestly, I wouldn’t waste time chasing him down and demanding an explanation. I’ve tried this myself, and it really went nowhere. Sometimes there isn’t really a reason why people grow apart.
Otherwise, just let it go and have fun planning your wedding!
Post # 4
Your comment about him not having to worry about his friends seeing him at your wedding is heart breaking.
I’d say it is long past time to have a serious talk with him about your relationship. I’d say you are disappointed he is not attending the wedding, and that it has been obvious for many years he has some issue with you. You would like to figure out what it is and if there is anything you have done to upset or offend him.
I’d start there.
Post # 5
Astrid89 : Has he told you he won’t be attending? It’s way too early for invitations, so I’m wondering how you know.
Post # 7
I wonder if he grew up resentful of you because you got more attention than him? If you battled a terminal illness very young and then had physical repercussions to deal with afterward, perhaps without intending to or realizing It, your parents neglected him to focus on you?
It’s not ok for him to take it out on you and to continue behaving so callously toward you as adults, but it might explain where this is coming from.
I think you need to have a serious heart to heart with him. Tell him you don’t understand why he’s always disliked you and been so cold toward you and that it hurts because you love him and want to have a relationship with him .
Post # 8
lifeisbeeutiful : I offered but he didn’t even return my call so I just let it go. It is a bit nerve racking mostly because it’s just so senseless, if he’d tell me what’s wrong then we could fix it. I just hate that his kids and wife will miss out because he wants to be weird about everything. Might just open a bottle of wine tonight and relax and forget it I guess.
Post # 9
steny03 : So glad to hear I’m not alone in this! So sorry that you have a simliar sitaution, I was hoping this was an isolated incident like 1 and 1 million people have strange siblings. And just like your sibling, he has plenty of time saved up to go places and I have no doubt that they’ll probably take a vacation the same week we get married, gotta love/hate social media sometimes. And over the years I’ve asked him “why don’t you speak to me?” and “is there something I did just tell me”, and he will just say he doesn’t know what I’m even talking about. Definietly taking your advice and just not going to lose sleep over it, I can’t make everyone happy!
Post # 10
weddingmaven : That’s what I’ve done over the years and he acts like he has no clue what I’m referring to which I know is impossible because he makes it obvious to everyone. I know it’s not my imagination or my parents because one day his little 6 year old daughter said “daddy said he hates you but I like you” and kids don’t just make up stuff like that out of the clear blue sky. I confronted him about it and he was so mad at the little girl and said she was lying and I said it’s okay if you don’t like me just don’t say those things in front of your kids. I asked him again for an explanation and he said nothing was wrong, maybe he’s in some major denial?
Post # 11
julies1949 : Yes, he made his wife tell me and I had to ask a few times before she’d finally admit he was never planning to attend no matter where we had it. Glad I didn’t plan around them…I didn’t want to send out info too fast so I waited until we had finalized most of the major plans, I made sure I gave he and everyone else ample time to decide if they wanted to come. I was super cool and casual about it, I said I’d really like you and the family to be there but if you can’t come then don’t worry we’ll just get together when we get back. I wanted to give everyone a solid 6 months because I know summer vacations are planned earlier and earlier it seems. I figured let me try the casual no worries invitation versus coming across with a “you need to be there” type of imperative statement. Guess either way wasn’t going to work.
Post # 12
Astrid89 : can you ask his wife why he doesn’t like you?
Post # 13
Astrid89 : It’s probably something to do with your parents. Most sibling drama is because of the relationship dynamic between siblings and their parents. He probably feels like you got more love and attention than him. Unless there is something that you did that you’re not telling us, I am willing to bet that he has some grievance with your parents. Speaking of, have you asked your parents to talk to him about not going?
Post # 14
- Wedding: October 2016 - Wedgewood Las Vegas
Astrid89 : Yep, I did the same thing. He kept brushing me off and it was clear I was never going to get an answer as to why. So I finally just made the decision that if he ever contacts me I’ll talk to him, but until then he’s free to ignore me. Right now I think we’ve gone about 3 years of not talking, and before that it was sketchy, and I’d see him only once every two or three years. Hell, I didn’t meet his firstborn until he was three years old, and I have yet to meet his second son at all.
Sometimes I do get sad that I don’t have a relationship with him, but then I just have to remind myself that we were never super close at all while growing up anyways.
Post # 15
- Wedding: March 2020 - City, State
Oh wow this is so sad. I really feel for you. My brother and I are quite close, and my fiancé used to be very close with his brother, but they had a huge falling out a few years ago and despite my fiancé reaching out time and again, they haven’t spoken in years. His brother doesn’t even talk to the rest of the family much, either. It’s really a shame and makes me so sad to see how they’ve grown apart. I would be heartbroken if my brother decided to not come to my wedding, I can only imagine what Fiance is going through, and you. It sounds like this has been going on with y’all for a long time though. I’m sorry he doesn’t want to talk about it with you, you sound very chill and forgiving. Have you tried talking to his wife about it just to get some closure? Kids have a way of revealing the truth, but I totally understand you wanting to know why he feels the way he does. At the end of the day you can’t control him or change his mind for him, but you have a right to know why. I hope you get the closure you need, if not the love you deserve.