Post # 1
Alright bees, I am looking for some advice on a sticky family situation. My fiancé and I got engaged in September and set our wedding date for the end of July of 2014 for financial reasons. (He had just graduated from school and we knew we would be paying for a large portion of the wedding ourselves). We have had our date and location set for 4-5 months now.
Last month, my brother got engaged to his fiancé. When they first got engaged they had asked us how much time between the two weddings was appropriate. My fiancé and I agreed that at least 3-4 months between the weddings would be a good time span.
We are worried that two weddings in the same family would be difficult for our side of the family to attend for multiple reasons. We are worried that having two engagement parties, two showers, two bachelorette/stag parties and two weddings each within two months of each other would be too much and that they would not be able to attend. Our family lives about 2 hours away, so it is oolong drive for them ta make so many times in a short period of time. We were also worried that planning two events so close to one another would be difficult and stressful from a planning standpoint. Although my fiancé and I are paying for a large portion of the wedding ourselves, my brothers fiancé’s family is very well off and will be paying for the whole thing. Her sister got married last year and had a very extravagent wedding which we would never we able to compare to. We are worried that having the weddings too close, their extravagant wedding will still be very fresh in everyone’s mind and that they will compare the two weddings and think ours wasn’t as nice. We explained all of this to my brother.
My brother and his fiancé just set their wedding date, and it is 2 months before ours! I am very upset because I had explained all of my concerns to my brother prior to them setting their date , and I feel like I was completely ignored and my feelings were not considered at all in their decision. I understand that they have the right to choose whenever they want to get married, but my fiancé and I feel very hurt that they would not understand where we are coming from as well. We had our date first, and if the shoes had been reversed we would have taken their feelings into consideration. To make it even worse, the date that they chose is the same week that I was going to have my bachelorette party (in Las Vegas!) and now I will not be able to go. (I have a conference to attend for work, so I had a free hotel room and my girls would only have to pay for their flights). I feel so betrayed that they would schedule their events with no consideration for my previously planned events. Do you all think I have a reason to be upset?
Post # 3
No offense. The world doesn’t revolve around you. Obviously you don’t want to feel like your day isn’t special, but think about your brother also. Also look at the brightside. His is before yours so you get all the love after. Just be happy there is a lot of happy stuff going on in your family. One of my best friends got engaged after us and there is no competition whatsoever. Its nice to have a person who is going through all the wedding planning stuff along with you.
Post # 4
Sorry, but I don’t think you have a reason to be upset. IMO 1-2 months should be enough space. Otherwise, you are ruling out a whole season for them which could move them to a different year if they really want that season. Even for weddings where about 50% of guests are the same ppl, 2 months apart is really fine.
And they really shouldn’t have to take into account your preferred bachelorette party dates or any other non-wedding dates when setting the date for their wedding.
Ppl will not miraculously forget their wedding was lavish and yours wasn’t just because 4 months pass in between or a year even.
Post # 5
I don’t think you have any reason to feel betrayed, and while upset might be a reasonable emotion, you need to let it go. People will not keep score and tally up whose wedding is “better”, and while a free hotel room in Vegas is a nice add for your bachelorette party, it’s not going to be saving anyone but you any money– your friends still need to pay to get there, no matter when you go, and truth be told, I’d rather pay for my own room than share the free room with an entourage. So changing the date or location of your bachelorette really is not going to be the end of the world. Most family members will be just fine with driving two hours each way, twice, in two months. You will be just fine. Don’t turn this into a big deal.
Post # 6
I think 2 months is enough time in between. The summer is only so long.
Post # 7
you told them there were 6-8 months when they shouldn’t get married. That’s just really unreasonable.
Post # 8
@Catcatdog: I agree with you and think it was a low blow. Esp the B-party thing. Did you brother know your B-party was supposed to be then?
Post # 9
Realistically driving two hours twice in two months really isn’t so bad.
I saw you mentioned engagement parties, etc….you got engaged ten months ago. it’s odd to me you haven’t had that party yet….as for showers etc….your family will probably make the effort for yours since you are the bride, and I doubt you’re inviting extended family to your bachelorette…
all that to say it’s really not as bad as you’re making it out to be.
yes,they asked your opinion, but they don’t have to do what you say just because you want them to.if they wanted a spring or summer wedding your 3 month buffer eliminated that as an option, which is unfair.
Post # 10
That’s a pretty big range to “ban” for them. 2 months is plenty of a time difference. Your weddings will be very different. Anyone who judges you for having a “less elaborate” wedding is actually kind of a jerk.
As for the bachelorette, I’m not sure how far your plans were shared, but maybe they didn’t know about it. And maybe your BMs couldn’t have come. And maybe and maybe and maybe… I’m guessing it’s not set in stone.
Post # 11
Honestly, your bother sounds like a jerk. You were engaged for 9 months, had a wedding set for 2014, when he gets engaged. You have events planned, they discussed timelines with you, and then they set a wedding 2 months before yours? Ugh. Definitely a jerk.