(Closed) My Brother wants to get married 2 months before my wedding….

posted 9 years ago in Family
Post # 17
Member
1766 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

You are getting married in 4 months.  They just got engaged and were planning to get married 2 months before you. If you do the math, that means they would have had their wedding 2 months from now. They’ll have a 5 month old to take care of.

This doesn’t sound to me like they have an elaborate wedding planned, with showers and a big guest list.  It certainly doesn’t sound like it would affect your wedding in any way.

As someone who already had her wedding, I can tell you that August won’t be super special if your wedding is at the end of October. You’ll most likely be in the nitty gritty details of negotiating with vendors, arguing with your families over the guest list, and worrying over finances. There is nothing special or romantic about that. Trust me.  Why not let them have their day? You’ll have yours and nobody will think it’s less special because they already went to a wedding that year.

Post # 18
Member
1811 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I think that two months is plenty of time between weddings.  If it was in the same month as yours I would be upset, but I think that 2 months is very fair.  

Post # 21
Member
515 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011 - Clark Gardens

I think siblings end up getting married close to eachother all the time. In the big scheme of things, this really won’t matter years from now. I say that getting married close together isn’t a big deal, whether they do it 2 months before or after yours. 

Post # 22
Member
1766 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

If they wanted to get married now, then that’s their decision. However, I think it’s wrong of them to ask your parents to pay for their wedding. If your parents can and want to contribute, that’s fine, but it’s not required. They shouldn’t expect it. If they don’t have the money for a wedding, they could either go to the court house, or have the wedding later when they can afford it.

Post # 23
Member
4597 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

They knew what they were asking was a little out of line/unfair/thoughtless otherwise they wouldn’t have bother checking it with you, they would have just set the date.

My male cousin had his wedding 2 months before his sister who had set her date and got engaged first, a lot of the family still haven’t got over how thoughtless this cousin was (it was 10 years ago). I guess what I am saying is it won’t look bad on you, only them.

And yes, they have all of the rest of the year after your wedding if they are so anti 2013.

Post # 24
Member
9541 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Frist, I agree they kind of set you up and that’s not very nice. If they were set on this timeline, they should have presented it that way. If they ask, it isn’t wrong to give your opinion, so don’t feel bad. But as far as how to react to their timeline there are a couple different issues here:

1) Your concerns with having the wedding a month or two before yours

2) Your parent’s concerns with having the wedding a month or two before yours

3) Guests concerns with having the wedding a month or two before yours.

These are all seperate issues and should be treated as such.

1) Your concerns – I can actually speak from experience on this one. I’ve been engaged since Feb and two days ago my sister got engaged. I’m so excited for her. All I asked is that her wedding not be on the same weekend as my wedding. If she wants to have her wedding a month or two before mine, then I don’t see a problem with that. I’m also strongly suspicious that my fiance’s brother will get engaged soon and we’ll have the same request for them. So I say, be excited for your brother. Their wedding would be a month or two before yours. Not a big deal. Your wedding will still be awesome and special. Their wedding is just as important as yours. You don’t get dibs just because you got engaged first.

2) My parents have asked that my sister plan her wedding to be at least a month apart from mine they can have time to recuperate. This seems reasonable to me, and my sister thought that was reasonable as well. But this came from them. Also, finances are another issue and one you shouldn’t be involved with. We’re paying for our own wedding, so it isn’t really an issue for us. You you, I would let your parents worry about any money they plan to contribute to either wedding. And if yours is a bit less, make it work or contribute more yourself.

3) I would also let your parents worry about guests. If most guests don’t have to travel too much for the weddings then I don’t think it’s an issue. Guests will work it out one way or another. At most, you could mention that you’re concerned for so-and-so having to travel so close together, to make sure they’re aware of the potential issue, but then I would drop it.

The bottom line is that as much as we want weddings to happen in a perfect fairyland where everything goes right all the time, weddings actually happen in the real world. And in the real world there are a lot of other things going on, besides your wedding. And those things are important too. So take a moment to mourn the passing of your ideal wedding situation, then move on. Congratulate your brother. Plan an awesome wedding. Try not to stress. Pick your battles. And if you want a great blog about why your should pick your battles carefully:  

http://thebloggess.com/2011/06/and-thats-why-you-should-learn-to-pick-your-battles/

The link is mostly because I think it’s hysterically funny. But anyways. Good luck with your wedding and with your family!

Post # 25
Member
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I would side-eye it if they asked to be married in October as well, or a month before or after.  I think 2 months is sufficient time.

Honestly, you get one day for your wedding.  I know you are concerned about friends/family travelling, but presumably they already know your wedding date and are planning accordingly.  My guess is that if they have to choose, they will choose yours because the date is 100% set and some have already made travel plans.

Your parents can decide for themselves whether or not to give your brother monetary help for his wedding.  You’re all adults and can plan the weddings you can afford with your own individual budgets.  If he and his fiancee asked your parents for money, well that’s rude, but its also not really your business.

It is ultimately up to them to decide when the wedding will be.  Is her 2013 excuse stupid?  Sure.  But it really isn’t your concern.  They were polite and asked  you how you felt about when they should plan their wedding, which they did not need to do either.

Also, with a small baby, do you really think they’ll be able to throw together a wedding in 2 months?

Post # 26
Member
1098 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

View original reply
@hardtoconcentrate:  I’m with you!

 

Whats so wrong with them wanting to get married 2 MONTHS before your wedding? That is plenty of time before. If it was the same month, okay got it, they should ahve chose a different month. But it’s not.  I think you should be supportive of your brother and be happy for them….

Post # 27
Member
8027 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I think its odd on both sides:

1) Why did they ask you if they didn’t want your honest opinion?

2) 2 months is enough time between- should not be that big of a deal to have both

3) Who avoids a whole year because of a number?  – This is the weirdest thing to me!

Post # 28
Member
1312 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I went to two weddings in the same summer, about 2 months apart, of siblings (brother and sister) and honestly, it was fine! Nobody was comparing weddings or thinking of the other, etc. They each had their own time in the spotlight. The only problem I see is if you have family traveling from far away, they may not be able to attend both. A year after your weddings, you won’t even care or remember you felt this way. But, if your brother has to wait 2 years to get married, that may cause resentment and damage to your relationship.

Post # 29
Member
4800 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

She sounds kind of weird, but I’m not sure what is with the influx of threads lately from posters with the idea that no one they are related to or friends with can have a wedding in the same season as theirs, that the whole time is for them. Let them have their wedding…once it’s over yours will be the focus if that is what you’re worried about. If lots of guests are out of town and it’s a travel issue, I’d let your parents discuss that with them.

Though you don’t seem nearly as absorbed as OP’s in the other threads, it could definitly go that way, so maybe you want to read some posts that have popped up in the last few days with similar situations. I’m hopign it gives you some better insight on how silly these kind of requests are. And maybe you can start having the mindset of the sister (NOT the op) in the first thread listed, could make the planning process fun!

http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/having-to-share-my-spotlight-major-vent

http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/conflicting-weddings

Post # 30
Member
684 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

It sounds like they have already decided on that date and were just letting you know as a courtesy and asking for your blessing only not for your permission. If they think they can pull off a wedding in such a short time, may be they already have a place in mind. I would talk to him again and ask what they were actually thinking of doing. It is possible they don’t realize what is involved in planning a wedding and how busy you are going to be 2 months before your own wedding.

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