Post # 32
I think your message is a good start. Maybe you could also apologize for making them feel bad and stress that your concerns were about logistics and putting pressure on guests – not that you were worried they’d take attention away from you.
Also, it might be better to call or do this face-to-face than send a text or email.
Post # 33
I think that’s a great response. I always think in person is best, but if email is how you usually communicate with each other then that’s fine. I think you’re being a great sister.
Post # 34
How the hell do they plan on pulling off a wedding in 2 months with a newborn? Serious question.
At least you can rest-assured that their wedding will probably look very sloppy and rushed. It’s pretty obvious when someone throws a wedding together last minute. It will look like they didn’t care, and my guess is that their guests will leave with that same perception.
Post # 35
I would talk to him in person 🙂 E-mail does not always come across right and since his Fiance is on a short fuse at the moment, she could take it the wrong way too. It’s always easier to smooth things out face to face over a cup of something yummy. He is your brother, he is going through a lot of emotions right now too. You need to help each other to understand each other 🙂
Post # 36
guests coming to party twice in two months is not a big deal…unless they are traveling from overseas or from the other side of the country IMO. I think then it’s something you two should consider. But if most of the guests are local, then I don’t see a problem. Maybe you can ask them to do it in Aug instead Sept so the wedding can be further apart (and the theme can be different too, season-wise?)
I have a Girlfriend living in CA and will be traveling pretty much back to same city she came from every other weekend in Aug for weddings (including mine)
Post # 37
I don’t think you are in the wrong. I myself have a future SIL who, after we got engaged decided that she and her bf should get engaged after being together for a short period of time. She also wanted her wedding before ours because she HAD to be first. We had a year engagement while her’s was to be less than 5 months. In the end her other sisters stuck up for me and her brother but she made sure that our weddings were exactly 1 month apart (july 17-august17).
It’s really hard when you’re trying to keep your day different from theirs but when it’s family it’s kinda hard. Besides, THEY asked how you would feel and you told them the truth; if you had lied, how would have you felt then?
And the whole getting married in 2013 supersitition is kinda crazy, I mean if you had a child on friday the 13th does that make the child a devil?
Post # 38
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
Can you call him instead of an e-mail? I think what you’re saying it good- just say it over the phone, just so there’s no mistaking your tone.
“you can do whatever you like with it.” could be taken the wrong way. Or just take out that sentence, and it’s fine. 🙂
Post # 39
My male cousin had his wedding 2 months before his sister who had set her date and got engaged first, a lot of the family still haven’t got over how thoughtless this cousin was (it was 10 years ago).
Wow, must be nice to have so few problems that something like that would weigh on your mind 10 years later.
I’ll say the same thing I’ve always said. I really don’t understand this whole “I got engaged first, I need to get married first and people have to give me an XX amount window to bask in the spotlight”. I just really, really don’t see why it matters. Maybe it’s because I’m an only child and maybe it’s because I don’t really like being the center of attention but I have never understood this notion.
Granted, they shouldn’t have asked if they weren’t prepared to hear what they didn’t want to hear, but maybe they, like me, could not have imagined why it would be a big deal.
Post # 40
@BIGDAY: I didn’t read all the replies but it seems the general consensus is – you get one day. You can’t call a month, several weeks, a year. I also didn’t like your comment like – they have the baby, why do they have to have the wedding too? That’s really not nice. It’s their decision and frankly I think it’s commendable they are trying to create an “official” family unit. Granted, I don’t think they should have asked, but it was the nice thing to do. And sure, you were being honest, but honesty isn’t always the best policy. I get that your guy reaction would be “NO, What about me and my day?” But you should have thought a little bit more about it before you responded. I think you should be the supportive sister, sister in law, aunt, and call them and tell them you’re sorry and they can get married any time, place, day, year, etc they please. (I’ll give you, the 2013 thing is kinda strange, but that’s their prerogative).
Post # 41
I just saw the message you want to send. That’s approrpriate. And you are right, it was kind of a baited question. Good luck with everything. And no worries. If the wedding indeed happens 5 weeks before yours or 2 years later… no one will compare. Everyone is just happy to be present and surrounded by friends, family, loved ones, etc. Unless they are A-holes, but that’s their problem.
Post # 42
I think OP should apologize to her brother and SFIL and encourage their original wedding date. There is no way in hell i would put my life on hold for someone else, OP will have a 2 month buffer between weddings – thats more than enough time to feel special enough
Post # 43
Not to threadjack, but I’m actually on the other side of this. We’re not even officially engaged yet but SO’s brother asked about our Memorial Day Weekend date (2.5 mos after their wedding in a different region of the US), then told SO we have to move ours back or his wife (got married secretly but still planning a ceremony) would be pissed. They got married in secret but are planning a wedding wedding. Since I refuse to subject our guests to the muggy Midwestern summer heat, that puts us at September with a 16mo engagement–over 4mos longer than I want to be engaged.
I can’t stop being upset over having to wait those extra months to marry my fiance just because someone thinks she deserves an entire season. And I can’t fight for the date I want without my SO or his family thinking I’M the Bridezilla. SO thinks sticking with our date would cause a rift in his family permanently, so we are putting our lives on hold (marriage and TTC) for his little brother. Now, my cousin is also on the verge of getting married around the same time as us and I couldn’t be happier for him. What’s not to like? I get to see my extended family twice as much and get excited over planning with his fiancee.
I think two months is enough of a buffer between family weddings–especially since it could be a great bonding experience to plan together or share your knowledge with her. Every wedding is different and special whether it’s a two month buffer or a two DAY buffer.
Post # 44
- im still trying to figure out how your brother and gf can plan a wedding in less then 3 month. Many people are saying that 2 months is plenty of time and that your wedding is only one day but the events leading up to the wedding are also important and can be costly like the bridal shower, bach parties, rehersal dinners. Especially if your parents are paying for a big portion of both. It is enough time for guests to attend but im sure it is a hassle for those traveling long distance. and more so for elderly relatives and those with kids. Dont know if that is a concern. It is not your problem if they dont want to get married in 2013.
I say tell them that u thought about it and you want them to get married whenever they want. They will have a great time taking care of their new baby and planning a wedding in two and a half months. My guess is that they will end up push the wedding off anyway.
Post # 45
Two months is more then enough time for your family to recover. As for the baby thing, people often get married and have a baby in the same time just flipped from your brother, I never known anyone to say to them how dare you! We just gave you a gift for your wedding, now you having a babyshower and other things.
Your Parents are the only one who have valid issues, if they just gave them money, and if they asking to foot the bill, however it nothing to do with you or your wedding and shouldn’t be any of your concern. You get one day, not a year, not several months.
I also think it would be incredible hard for them to pull off a wedding in that time frame during popular wedding season so you may be stress for no reason.
Post # 46
They asked, you answered. They have no reason to be upset.
ETA: I GET the whole “you have ONE day” argument BUT realistically attending multiple weddings in a short period of time can be a financial burden for many out-of-town guests. Many people will have to choose which wedding they will attend. IMO the only way to resolve this issue is to request their wedding be after yours and hope that those “out-of-towners” will just choose to attend the wedding of whoever gets married first (ie- you) if they can’t attend both.