(Closed) My Brother wants to get married 2 months before my wedding….

posted 9 years ago in Family
Post # 47
Member
429 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Frankly, I don’t see the big deal.  It’s 2 months apart.  I understand her situation, they have a baby and want to solidify their family.  They can’t “steal your thunder” by getting married, they will just add to the joy of the summer 🙂

Post # 48
Member
1376 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Just because no one else has pointed this out…

From what I understand about family law, if a couple have a baby and they are not married, they can run into real problems with custody if one partner dies. Plus, there are practical reasons to get married, such getting one partner and/or the dependent, on the other’s health insurance, and a child really pushes those issues to the forefront. The 2013 aversion is dumb, but the brother and his fiancee probably have some solid logisitcal reasons for wanting to get married soon. 

Post # 49
Member
14 posts
Newbee

@heathenswan I completely agree!  It’s basically the same as people not wanting a winter wedding, or summer wedding, etc.

 

I understand that there is clearly a lot of time, preperation, and effort leading up to the big day.  But that’s all it is.  One day.  If it were only a couple weeks apart, it might make a difference.  But two months is a significant amount of time.  Think about what you were doing 2 months ago.  Seems like it was forever ago.  If family/friends aren’t going to come to your wedding because they came to your brother’s, then that’s their issue.  I wouldn’t want people like that at my wedding.  I personally do anything and everything to make it to weddings I am invited to.  They invited me because they wanted me there; I’m going to make it to the biggest day of their lives no matter what.  They only get that day once.  Anything else can wait.

Post # 50
Member
1595 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

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@Dell79:  +1

LOL

Post # 51
Member
1621 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

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@LR2012:  Um, can you say offensive?  The OP didn’t indicate any details as to what kind of wedding her brother is going to have, but a WEDDING=2 people, a license and an officiant.  A BEAUTIFUL, HEARTFUL wedding can be organized in much less time than 2 months.  And that doens’t mean it will look “sloppy”.  Sheesh.

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@BIGDAY:  Great response, OP!  While I think that a 2 month buffer is more than adequate (ie the “you get one day” attitude), I also see your point about guest logistics travelling to 2 wedddings.  At the end of the day, your brother and his partner need to do what feels right to them and while they asked your opinion and put you in a difficult position of answering (which isn’t fair, I grant you) I think the best thing now is to move forward, mend feelings and try to be supportive.

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@HeathenSwan:  +1

Post # 53
Member
9478 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

Honestly, I understand why you’re uspet, but it really could be worse.  Let them have their day as you would want them to let you have yours.  Two months in advance isn’t a day before yours.  Maybe they’ll see that planning a wedding is too much for them to handle right now and they’ll push it back.  Best of luck!

Post # 54
Member
168 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Atrium at the Curtis Center

My brother got engaged three months after I did, and is getting married 3 months before us. We have family coming in from all over, Hawaii and beyond, but it’s not really what’s important.  The people who can be there for both, will be, the rest will have to choose – and as much as that sucks, I’m not going to stress over it.  

Post # 55
Member
1636 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

OP has stated the main issuse is

 Family having to travel so close to two weddings, which if you are like me living paycheck to paycheck at times will be a burden.

 

Gas prices are still fairly high and plane tickets are worse. DH and I want to visit his family for Christmas and tickets are already $600, and Christmas is 6 months away!!!

It is a  legitimate reason for concern.

Post # 56
Member
161 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

My twin brother proposed to his now-fiance 6 months after we got engaged, and they are getting married exactly three weeks before we are.  People assume that I would totally be pissed about this.  I couldn’t be happier for them, and it’s actually been really fun talking about wedding plans!  They are two completely separate weddings, two different styles, two different cities.  As long as it’s not the night before mine, I’m fine!

Post # 57
Member
2575 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I really do not get why anyone would be upset about someone getting married 2 mths before them. Brother, friend or whatever.

I echo the ‘you get a day’ sentiment. 

Are we really that self centred these days that we expect others to put their major life events on hold for fear of ‘thunder stealing’??

 

Post # 58
Member
4474 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

This is all Loony Toons to me.  You gave them an honest answer.  You didn’t forbid them from having their wedding that day, you told them you’d prefer it to be after yours.  I don’t think this is bridezillaish at all.  Your Future Sister-In-Law sounds nutso.  They can get married later in the year, or next year.  Or they can go ahead and get married before you.  Unfortunately, with unreasonable behavior like this, sometimes you have to suck it up and pretend to take fault for the sake of keeping the peace.  This woman will be your SIL, after all.

Post # 59
Member
7899 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

I don’t get what the big deal is. It’s not like they’re going to be able to throw something big and lavish together in the next 1-2 months, and a lot fo family have probably already decided to go to your wedding since they’ve known about it longer. I don’t see how it will impact you, really. Just let them get married and be happy for them.

Post # 60
Member
21 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I think your feelings are justified.  I think it really depends on the size of your family but I think its very selfish of him.  A lot of people on here are saying you get ” one day” but in reality weddings are way more…….engagement party, wedding/bridal shower, bachelorette/bachelor party, rehearsal dinner, then a wedding.  

If the roles were reversed, and you had asked to get married first, I’m surehour brother and his fiancé would feel just how you are feeling.

 

My cousin is 10 years older than me, has two kids, a house and claimed marriage was stupid ( not for her, just a piece of paper).  My fiancé and I have been saving and planning since we were much younger to get engaged.  So as soon as we could afford it, he proposed and we set to planning.  2 weeks later my cousin got engaged(her fiancé went out and got ring right after we got engaged) and they decided to get marriedI before us.

 

Doesnt seem so bad but we have a lot of family from out of town.  It’s selfish to expect people to come to both or to have to put them in a position where they have to choose one over the other.  Others have said plan and let your relatives decide………..to even put that burden on them is rude and inconsiderate.  

 

If you all live in the same area, or only a few distantrelatives have to travel.  It becomes less of an issue.  

 

I had to make peace with my situation, it’s better than being bitter(which I was) just try to focus on your wedding. Family is important to have there but in reality it is about you and your fiancé! So enjoy that part no matter what your bro decided to do.

Post # 61
Member
2104 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

In addition to that response, consider giving them the dates for your shower and the bachelor/bachelorette parties. I imagine your family will be attending your shower and it would probably be bad if any of those events were the same weekend as their wedding

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