Post # 1
So, I wanted to thank all you beautiful and wonderful Bee’s who helped me throughout this process. It is incredible to imagine that I may never meet any of you and yet you were willing to help me in such a honest way. The internet can be an amazing tool for information and a reminder that total strangers can connect.
Yesterday I spoke to my brother and it was a wonderful experience. DH and I joked and laughed with him but we were also very firm with our rules. We let him bring up rules and he was actually pretty strict with himself (he gave himself a 8:00 curfew!) and really seemed to be interested in the process (although he was playing the tough guy routine). He acted very disinterested but we could see his face light up during certain points (like my home made dinners) and we could tell that he really wanted this. So, no problems occured while talking to him.
I am sorry for not updating you sooner but I was still going through things with my mother and did not want to bring this up without it being completely settled. My mother and I came to plenty of agreements and we will be taking legal action to make them official, she is 100% fine with this.
DH and I are nervous but we think that this experience will benefit all of us in the end. I will probably have a TON of questions from here on out and apologize in advance for that!
Thank you all so much! The support and advice you gave was just heart warming!
EDIT: I did NOT give him the 8:00 curfew lol (just realized that I never clarified that. Also, DH and him had a heart to heart (I stepped out of the room for that conversation) and I came back to find them with watery eyes. DH said they discussed manhood and what he expected of my brother while he was deployed so it must have been a emotional talk. Hopefully our conversation was a good omen or something but I doubt the rest of this journey will be this easy.
Post # 3
@Payless: Good news. Though I suspect there will be a hiccup or two and occasional boundary testing, here’s hoping that when he’s actually living with you it will be smooth sailing.
Post # 4
Thank you, hopefully it will be smooth sailing but I am very much a “what if person”. DH is more relaxed than I am and that is probably for the best. We are both trying to prepare ourselves for any outbursts but something tells me that this is a “learn as you go” experience.
Post # 5
I’m so glad it went well! I think you’re probably right, it will be a “learn as you go” experience, but then again, there are very few things in life that are not 🙂
I suspect your DH gave your brother a speech about being “the man in the house” while he’s deployed and looking after you. I have no doubt that while he may test the boundaries once or twice he’ll be really responsible in general, boys tend to take these things very seriously for some reason.
I love your childhood pictures with your brother, you guys are super cute together 🙂 Just out of curiosity, how old are you? I know your brother is 16 but you don’t look that much older yourself! 🙂 That’s just another reason why I really admire you for everything that you’re doing.
Post # 6
Good for you and your husband for doing this. Your brother will have so many chances at life because you two are doing this for him. I truly wish the best for all of you!
Post # 7
You’re a better person than me; I couldn’t do it at this stage of my life. Wishing all of you the best!
Post # 8
@Payless: I love those pictures, so cute! And also the update! Hope all continues to go well.
Post # 9
I have 2 younger sisters and they are pretty close in age, and both were giving mum a hard time a while back, so my youngest sister moved in with Fiance and I for approximately 6 months. I was expecting it to be hard, because my sister was not doing so well with mum (she wasn’t going to school at all and they were both making mum really depressed). I think with teens the most important thing is to set boundaries and be firm. My sister only ever gave us any trouble once, and even then all she did was refuse to do her homework (she did it later that night anyway lol). She behaved a lot better here because she knew that she had to go to school and be polite or there would be consequences, whereas with mum she knew that she could do what she liked and get away with it.
We never legally changed custody, and it sounded like you were a bit wary of doing that in your last post. My sister just came to stay with us until mum was ready for her to move back home, which was definitely the right thing to do for us.
We did have some concerns with whether having her move in with us was the right thing to do (because she would be away from her mother), but it sounds like you can offer him a more stable home than your mum can right now. My sister was doing a lot better living with us than she was/is with mum (she never once missed a day of school and she was REALLY well behaved and helpful vs. never went to school and was basically bullying mum), so I think in some ways it was definitely better for her to live here, but in others ways it was not ideal for her. Given the situation it was the best thing we could have done, I think, and it sounds like taking your brother in is the best thing you can do too.
Good luck, if you ever need any advice you can PM me 🙂
Post # 10
glad to hear it all went well and he’s receptive to the ground rules. I’m sure it won’t all be smooth sailing but it sounds like you’ve set the right expectations.
Best of luck to you all! Thanks for giving us an update!
Post # 11
@Payless: Happy to help 🙂 Glad everything went well and hopefully it will be fairly smooth sailing from here on out. Don’t hesitate to ask for any advice, I’m sure myself and many other wonderful bees would be happy to help.
Oh, and your pictures, absolutely adorable!!
Post # 12
Glad everything is working out. Good luck!
Post # 13
You are an amazing young woman! Your brother is tremendously lucky to have you for his big sis.
It will be a “learn as you go” experience, but that’s what parenting is for all of us.
Best Wishes to you and your (now bigger) family.
Post # 14
- Wedding: July 2014 - Prague
Those pictures!!!!!!! Those really got to me! And your post as well. You and your DH sound so solid and good. I really admire you and think your brother is very lucky indeed.
Post # 15
- Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House
So glad to hear it went well! He must be really serious if he gave himself that curfew, what a great sign.
Post # 16
Glad it went well! I found it easy to give advice as an outsider, I’m not the one about to have him live with us. Hopefully things go pretty smoothly for all of you and the fresh start is what he needs.