(Closed) My brothers SO miscarried at 21 weeks

posted 5 years ago in TTC
Post # 3
783 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015


I’m so sorry this happened. My sister lost her baby actually, she was 6 months along and had to deliver her still born :(.  I’m going to refer you to a blog post she wrote about her experience,  I think it will help. 


It really drives me crazy when people think you can’t be sad just because you’ve never met a baby. Losing my niece was an extremely emotional time in my sisters life and our whole families lives. We all got to hold her when she was born, she was the most beautiful little baby I’ve ever seen,  we always say she was “too beautiful for earth”,  I’d like to think the same about your sweet niece as well. I hope time heals you and your brother and his SO.. The pain doesn’t go away but it does get easier. 

Post # 4
3076 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - A court...

I’m sorry for your loss 🙁 I experienced similar thing though I was 20 weeks. I don’t know about your brother and his SO but I just wanted to cry all the time. It took me months before I could even talk about it , anytime anyone would try to bring it up I would break down. Give him time and let him know you’re there for him.

Post # 6
3465 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I’m so sorry for your loss. Make sure you say something to your brothers SO as well. I cant imagine how awful she feels

Post # 7
615 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@BelleSofia:  Oh no. 🙁 I’m so sorry for your loss. Is there any way you can go visit your brother?

Post # 8
3830 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

So sorry. A dear friend of mine lost her baby girl at 22 weeks. She is still grieving 4 months later. I cried when she told me.  Its difficult, but eventually time heals all.  

Post # 9
1248 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012 - Chateau Briand

I am so sorry for your loss! You are in my thoughts. all you can do is tell him you’re there for him and if he needs to talk, just listen. Let him vent/cry/whatever he needs

Post # 10
2815 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@Swizzle:  Time does not heal the loss of a child. It may become easier to bare, but this will be something that will effect her forever.

I am so sorry that your family is experiencing such an awful loss. Maybe you can direct her to an online community? I am part of a forum called JustMommies, and there is a board for pregnancy loss there. The women there are SO helpful, and when going through something like this, having people to talk to, who understand the feelings she is going through can be so helpful.

Just try to reassure her that this was nothing caused by her. Offer your ear, and any help you can provide to your brother and his SO, but do not pry.



Post # 11
3830 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@urchin:  Not sure why you wanted to argue that. It gets easier….so in essence you are healing…

Post # 12
11271 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

i am so sorry.  your brother must be devastated.  allow him to grieve.  unfortunately, things like this happen.  my step mother and a friend of mine both delivered stillborn at full term.  days before, all was fine.  it was a total shock.

i look at it as God’s will.  he must have needed another beautiful angel in heaven.

Post # 13
7649 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@BelleSofia:  I am so sorry. This makes me heart so heavy

Post # 14
881 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Swizzle:  As someone who has experienced a miscarriage I agree with @urchin:  this is not something that can be healed with time it stays with you your entire life and will always affect you.  Sure, as days/months/years go on you get better at handling it but you are not fully healed and no longer affected by the loss.  I think the phrase time heals all implies you will eventually be “cured” and thereby no longer upset by the loss or that you may forget about it entirely which is offensive to those of us who have experienced it personally. 




OP I am so very sorry to hear about your brother’s situation.  Everyone deals with loss differently but I can suggest a few things that helped me in hopes they may help you and your family as well.  Perhaps you could offer to go visit him to offer support? Some prefer to be alone though so I would ask first.  I got a necklace to honor my baby and I wear it every day in remembrance.  I read a lot of books on miscarriage trying to understand why these things happen and that I was not alone in dealing with it. Reading others’ stories helped to validate my own emotions and made me feel that it was ok to grieve.  Some of the perspectives also helped me find ways to make the pain easier to bear.  My would-have-been due date for the miscarriage was just 2 days ago and it was very difficult for me.  I would be sensitive to that with your brother as well as he may need emotional support during those times too.  Others gave me wonderful suggestions for things to do to remember the baby on their due date such as writing messages to the baby on balloons and releasing them, planting flowers that will bloom every year in honor of the baby, or visiting children’s hospitals and donating toys or books to some of the children there.  My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family during this time.  I am so very sorry for your loss.    


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