Post # 1
Today at work I given an opportunity to be completely in charge of a new project. They basically made it clear that they are considering me for a promotion. They are bringing in outside people to interview, and there is another coworker being given the same opportunity. Either you look at it it’s a win/win if I don’t get the promotion I still get valuable work experience and most likely will be able to be in charge on other projects if I prove myself.
I should be jumping up and down and excited except that I probably not going to be around that long. I wasn’t prepared to have this discussion with them now. I most likly have to talk to them about the fact that I might not be able stick around. Deep in the back of mind sometimes it does lurk on my mind that getting married is seriously f-ing with my career and it makes me sick to my stomach.
Not to mention the original plan was for us to stay here for a few years so I can get a graduate degree and gain more experience. Before my Fi dropped the bombshell on me that his business partner doesn’t want him to move. Which is idiotic to me, because since January I don’t think he has spent one full month in Texas yet his partner is insisting on him being “based” there?
I guess it’s really hitting me now the amount of sacrifice I have to make for my marriage. I am also kind of annoyed about the fact of when it comes to some major life choices his partner is going to effect a lot of what we do. It just royally pisses me off, because his partner rarely travels and yet I am expected to quit my job and move to Texas and sit at Fi’s place while he flying all over the place. I look at so many friends and family who either hate their job, or those who love their job but don’t get paid well for it. I think I’m crazy to walk away from a job that I love and pays me well.I Would love to hear from anyone who been in my position.
Post # 3
@TwoCityBride: I don’t understand why you cannot interview for this promotion. If you get it, you get it. Plans change, and I wouldn’t talk to them about leaving until you’re giving your 2 week notice.
Post # 4
If your FI won’t be home a lot of the time, would a long distance marriage be a reasonable solution, even short-term? If DH wasn’t going to be home one way or another, I would stay at a job I love and make good money at over sitting in an empty house. I had a job that paid well and I hated and now I have a job that I love but pays crap…and DH’s pays even worse. I would totally live apart from him if I could see him frequently and have a job I love and make good money at!
Post # 5
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
Yeah I can kind of relate. My job involves traveling 4-5 days a week for 4-5 months a year, often up to 3 weeks at a time straight. My issue isn’t so much marriage, but having a family. I basically will have to quit my job and I’m not sure if I can find something else in my field (for which I have an advanced degree) that requires less time away. But, I’m marrying the love of my life and hope to have a family with him, so I’m willing to play the job thing by ear as it comes….
Post # 6
I’m kind of putting my career on hold for my FI. He is in his last year of school so I delayed graduate school by a year so that we would not be long distance. We discussed it a LOT before I decided to take the year off and made sure that I would still be working on my career (I’m doing an unpaid internship in my field and working at a job not in my field to pay the bills). He plans on moving with me next year when I go to school, which means him putting his career on hold since we eventually want to settle where we are now (no grad schools with my program here) and that means he will be have to start over in a couple years.
Marraige is a partnership. You will both have to make sacrifices. But you should talk about them first and make sure both people are aware of the sacrifices each person is making and that they are being divided fairly. I would talk to your fiance more about the move if you are not sure about it being good for both of you.
Post # 7
There’s a comparison of marriage to a three legged race that always reminds me of our career trajectory. It’s super tough to get it moving smoothly.
For us, my husband is a cop, and our police are federal here. So he signed on the dotted line before we got together that he agrees to be posted anywhere in the country at a moment’s notice. Not sure if you’re fully educated on Canadian geography, but there are some incredibly crappy, remote towns that require a police officer. Like, 300 person, alcohol prohibited, accessible only by snowmobile, doesn’t even have a grocery store I could work at or probably anybody else who graduated highschool that I could be a lady who lunches with… if there was even a place to lunch…so, yeah, if we get one of those, I can kiss any semblance of a career goodbye.
Post # 8
I think you’re worrying about a situation that isn’t an immediate worry. Life is fluid and many things change. Your FI’s partner may affect decisions in your life but if he’s a partner and not a boss, your FI should have some input. Your career should be attended to regardless of what future changes MIGHT occur. I don’t mean to be negative, but you need to look out for yourself before you can look out for others. Accomplish all you can in your present situation. It can have a huge impact on whatever will come next for you career-wise even if you have to relocate. A long-distance marriage may also be a necessity in the short-term.
Post # 9
I totally understand how you feel because I have worked hard for my career and obtaining my degree only to quit my job because my FI does not want me to work period. I tried to compromise but he has drawn a line in the sand. We are relocating to TX also and I have learned to embrace it now and have decided that I will do charity work with the church there and work with the animal shelters.
Post # 10
That is a really tough one. If I had to give up my career I would seriously have to reconsider getting married. It took 8 years of college/grad school and 9 years of subsequent employment to get where I am. I am afraid I would be deeply resentful as time went on.
Is there any possibility of landing a similar position within a reasonable commute in Texas? That would be a definite factor. Can you postpone the wedding until a solution, even temporary, is worked out?
Post # 11
Been there. Done that. So I can definitely relate. 🙂
I was a single, career woman who had been working for 25 years and had reached the high point in my career when I met my DH. I was working for a subsidiary of wonderful, Fortune 500 company in a major city, absolutely LOVED my job, made a fantastic salary, plus had the opportunity to receive bonuses, and had great benefits.
I met my DH online. He was a single dad, living in a very small town in a rural area of another state where he serves as a pastor.
I spent almost the entire first year of our marriage living in and working from both states (spending long weekends with DH and teleworking and then working from my office at my company’s headquarters in my city during the middle of the week) until I could sell my house, and resign my position, and locate to be with my DH and stepchildren full time.
I’ve been here full time for 2.5 years. I have two degrees and used to make close to six figures with my bonus, and I have yet to even have an interview for a job in my field in this area.
However, I honestly believe it has been God’s plan for me to not be working for a period of time so that I could adjust to the numerous, completely overwhelming life changes that have resulted from my marriage.
Post # 12
This might be taboo to mention, but – who makes more money btwn you and FI? If you do, or will with the promotion, I would stay put.
Post # 13
It’s not just a job where I can hand off my two week notice and leave. It doesn’t work like that typically you give them at a minimum four weeks then you work to help transition whomever will be taking over your projects and clients.
I feel like it would be wrong for me to interview for the position and take on project that can take sometimes over a year when I am supposed to be leaving in a couple of months. I do plan on talking to my direct boss and getting his opinion before saying anything about me leaving.
@MissTatas that is my point exactly. Fi is adamant about not starting our marriage being long distance, right now we are at a stalemate. We talked about this and in the last six months I haven’t seen a change. I did tell Fi I’m not moving to Texas to live by myself. I want his partner to shoulder more responsibility for the travel. I understand he has children, however if he wants us to be in Texas then he needs to step it up.
@ niasg1 wow is there a reason for that? I would laugh if my Fi told me that. It’s about location for us.
@Trueblue I do think I can find a job in Texas, but I think it would mean a major pay cut, and not as exciting. I work doing with sustainable energy and I love that branch of my field I am hoping by the contacts I made I can get a recommendation for a company that would be a good fit. I have no plans on postponing the wedding. Postponing the move to Texas is an option for me though.
It just stings a little because I don’t think I will have the same kind career as I would if I stayed where I am.
Post # 14
on paper he does, but he also invest large portion of it back into the company. I planned on moving no matter what because he owns his own company, but it was supposed to be a few years down the road.
@Brielle Wow I couldn’t imagine doing that, you seem content, maybe I will be eventually. I lived in Texas briefly and it wasn’t too bad.
Post # 15
@Brielle, @TwoCtyBrides: I totally agree with you, I prayed for my FI and Jesus gave me exactly what I prayed for and he is the best gift I have received. He is old fashion and I am not going into our marriage with unrealistic expectations and vice versa. I know some may think it is wrong or I am being control but I am not. For those who may be wondering about money etc. My FI is financially secure to the point where he is retiring from the military at 49 years of age. We are going to have a lot of time to travel and go to places we both didnt have time for in the past. The girls are grown and it is our time to be carefree again. When we are not traveling I will be volunteering at church and an animal shelter. I am blessed to have the opportunity to do volunteer work. I know when I am at work I think about helping young people and animals that have been abused or neglected. Since he is retiring I would be working so he we decided that is how we would spend our time.
Post # 16
My SO, soon to be FI is military, and his career will always have to come first in our marriage. He made a committment to the country, so when he gets orders, we have to move, no questions asked. So I definitely relate to what you’re feeling.
I am fortunate in that I am in the IT/computer programming field, so I can easily find work/work from home, but the thought of not getting to necessarily work where I want to work because I’m not in a city I like is sometimes disheartening. Or relocating after not being in a job for a long period of time.
But I know that everything will work out. It will work out for you, too. 🙂