(Closed) My Cat is Afraid of Men

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
3101 posts
Sugar bee

@Carolsays:  I would give it a year.  That’s how long our cats took to adjust.

Post # 4
135 posts
Blushing bee

Its normal for them to be afrade of men, men are just big and scarey to a little kitty cat. treats thrown at a distance helped my cat warm up to my boyfriend 🙂 just let the cat get used to him being around, let the animal initiate contact.

Post # 5
3823 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Just takes time. If anyone new comes in my house, my cat goes into hiding until they leave. Sometimes I have people over who aren’t big cat fans and I just tell them “Don’t worry. You won’t even know she’s here.” 

But if that person (like my FI) comes around enough, she will eventually show herself and work her way into their space. You can’t force it.

Post # 6
12248 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

Isn’t that how it always works? our awesome Darling Husband just wants to be its friend, and the cat runs away.

I had 3 cats, and they LOVED my DH–and he DESPISES cats.

I second the treats!

Post # 7
3766 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

Ok, so Darling Husband and I watch a lot of “My Cat from Hell,” on TV. From that show I would suggest your Darling Husband start doing all the good things with your kitty. Have him feed, give treats, play, etc with the cat.

Post # 8
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

It takes a long time for cats to adjust to new surroundings. Moves are very traumatic for them.

Also, a lot of animals are afraid of men. Every rescue animal i’ve ever had is ore skittish with men than women. Is your cat a rescue? The poor thing might have been abused in the past.

Post # 9
467 posts
Helper bee

Yes, I would just give it time.  Cats can be very skittish and it can take them WEEKS to adust to a new environment, let alone a new person.  It always took several weeks for our cats to adjust to a new home when we moved.

If its any consolation, my parrot HATED my SO for about a year to the extent that she would dive bomb him and bite him any chance she got or run away from him.  It took time, but they eventually reached a point of mutual liking (although she will always be my baby.)  It did involve my SO giving her her favorite treats and activities and me backing off a bit.  Parrots are waaay more skittish than cats, so really, its just a matter of time…

Post # 10
8690 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

give it time.  the cat probably has to adjust to the new living situation.

Fiance has a rescue dog and Fiance is his forever owner.  he had really bad separation anxiety from Fiance when we first met.  if I was in the house with the dog, and Fiance went outside, he would cry and cry at the door.  after Fiance moved in with me, the dog became used to me.  but sometimes when Fiance is not home, dog will lay on the steps waiting for Fiance to come home and they have been with me for almost a year.  the dog is a daddy’s boy and that’s just how it is going to be.



Post # 11
521 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Agreed that it just takes time.  My girl kitty was OK (indifferent, really) with Fiance when we first started dating, then when she realized that he was hanging around more and more, she started to HATE him.  As stupid as it sounds, I think she felt like he was a threat to her having me all to herself (which, I suppose he was…)

She would hiss and growl at him if he got near her (and he is the nicest, most gentle guy).  This lasted about 6 months and honestly was quite stressful for everyone (myself, the cat, and FI), then one day she started warming up to him.  I think the kicker was when she realized that he could be a source of food for her (he would sometimes put her food in her bowl).  Now she loves him….takes naps on his lap, purrs, wants to be petted.  Don’t fret…you will get there eventually!

Post # 12
945 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

One of my friends dated a girl who had a cat that hated him. They had a special bag of treats that only he would give the cat, eventually it started to warm up to him.

Post # 13
46 posts
  • Wedding: August 2011

It does take time. When (now) hubby and I moved in together, I brought my several cats with me. One of them “adopted” him immediately and they are inseparable now. His lap is her preferred home. Another of them (who I retrained from feral as a kitten) is still very skittish around anyone but me. I second or third whomever said it will take time. Men are big and scary (and often makes lots of noises that may scare a delicate sensitivity- like LOUD sneezing- goodness- the cats think he is hissing at them!) and every cat has a different personality. I did start having hubs do some of the treating and feeding and slowly work his way to being able to at least pet this cat while he is eating. I also regularly pic this particlar cat up (and he loves being held by me) and take him specifically over to hubby to be briefly petted (not long enough to freak him out). I also occasionally have hubby do the playing with him (he is very active) so he gets used to that as well. All of these things have helped, and now this particular cat will approach hubs (especially when fun treats like cheese are available) but they are probably not going to be “best friends”.


Post # 14
589 posts
Busy bee

It took out cat nearly 2 months to come out of hiding in the bathroom after we adopted him.  Most cats take a lot of time to adjusted.  It’s not just your husband that is new.  Cat is also in a new house so it is understandable that he is scared.

Post # 15
1729 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@littlemisst08:  +1. Also, get your kitty a tree and make sure she has places to get up high. She’ll be less afraid if she doesn’t feel like he’ll tromp on her (which he obviously won’t). Also, have him sit/lay on the floor when the cat’s around so she can get his scent without being afraid.

Post # 16
1640 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Everything everyone else has already said. One of my cats is a total spaz and runs away from people ALL THE TIME. He would go and hide from (and once peed on) my Fiance…and then Fiance started to feed him, give him treats, put catnip on his scratcher, etc…and now I have a video I could show you of my cat “shaking” with my Fiance (yes, the cat puts his paw in my FI’s hand when Fiance says ‘Shake!’…He will also go “UP” on his back feet for a cookie). He also runs to Fiance and rubs on him when he gets home, follows him to his office, and sits in his lap. And sleeps on his feet. And follows him into the bathroom. Come to think of it, my cat has become a bit of a creeper.

Your kitty just went through a traumatic move into a new house with someone it doesn’t know. Give it some time. 🙂




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