(Closed) my childhood friend RSVP'd an extra FIVE people!

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
3686 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I would call her back and say, “I’m sorry, but the invitation was only for you and your husband. We have a very small guest list, and we can’t accomodate the rest of your family.” Something like that but probably nicer. I wouldn’t back down.

Post # 4
46414 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@IreneGoodnight:  The other people were not invited. If her sister is available to come to the wedding, she could ask her sister to look after her children rather than her mother.


“There must have been some misunderstanding. We are having a small  intimate backyard wedding and unfortunately are not able to accomodate extra guests. I hope the fact that we cannot include your children, mother, sister and sister in law doesn’t mean that you will be unable to attend, but if it does, we will miss you at the wedding.”

As hard as it is, remember you are not the only bride who has had to deal with uninvited guests.

Post # 5
1722 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I would call her and say “I’m sorry but the invite is for you and your husband, if you need to bring your children then that is fine, but I cannot extend the invite to your mom, sister and sister’s wife.  I’m sorry if this causes you any problems but we are trying to stay within budget and would really like to keep the wedding intimate.  I really hope you can still make it but if not then I would love to plan a lunch or dinner with you so we can get together and catch up.” You do not need to give into them!


Post # 6
1635 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Call her…

“Hey girl, thanks for sending back the RSVP, but the wedding invite was just for you and your husband. Getting a babysitter can be difficult so bring the kids, but we cannot accomodate the rest of your family.  So would you like to confirm just the four of you right now?”

Post # 7
471 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@IreneGoodnight:  Arghhh… what a nightmare :-/ I think just be honest and say the invitation is *only* for her and her husband and you’re very sorry but that’s all you can manage with the guest list. There really isn’t much else to say. If her mother isn’t fit to look after the kids, maybe the sister can?

Post # 8
2838 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@IreneGoodnight:  I had this same problem with my wedding. We had an RSVP come back with four extra people (3 kids and 1 extra adult).  Part of it was miscommunication, but they send the RSVP back on the VERY last day– we hadn’t gotten one for weeks because everyone got them back to us so fast.  I was angry because it really did change the dynamics of our venue (long story)– and I was thinking “if they think it’s that important to attend our wedding, you’d think they’d have the courtesy to CALL and talk to us about four extra people, or at least talk to my husband’s mom” (this was my husband’s adoptive brother’s family).  Long story short, I honestly didn’t know another way to approach it and already had enough on my plate– they came.  One of them even wore jeans LOL.  I don’t really care- you can’t control other people, but I thought it was funny/typical that THAT person would be the ONE person wearing jeans.  We had open bar all night, including beverages for kids, so it realistically added, all said and done about another $200 to our bill after getting the kids “kids buckets” and everything else.  

I was SUPER pissed about it (I have a thread about it that I haven’t looked at in awhile, but my feelings were shared over there)– 


I guess it all depends on how you think telling her NO will impact your relationship– and if you care enough in case she is offended.  I’m sure you’d never want to offend her intentionally, but there’s always a chance you will.  She likely thinks you’re happy she’s inviting these other people LOL– who knows.


I was pissed, and I stressed myself over it- in retrospect, I would have let it go.  It wasn’t the end of the world.  Pick and choose your battles.


Post # 10
3686 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

There’s your answer right there, “Friend, I’m really sorry, but we’re having a wedding that’s so small that we’re not even inviting all of our family members. I’m sorry, but we can’t host your children/mother/sister/sister-in-law.”

Post # 11
6531 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@IreneGoodnight:  +1 to all PPs.

Put your foot down. Its absolutely ridiculous to RSVP with 5 extra guests!  Thats not acceptable at all

Post # 12
81 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@IreneGoodnight:  You said yourself it is a small intimate wedding. Give her a call and stress the importance of her being there. Apologize for the misunderstanding but let her know that the other people are not invited. It’s a small wedding! You and your partner probably put a lot of time and thought into the guest list. You should not feel obligated to change it because she decided to tack extra people onto it without your say so. Just be polite and firm. (I know actually doing it is more difficult than me saying it – But, do you really want those people there? It’s YOUR wedding and YOU didn’t invite them.)


Post # 13
11272 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@IreneGoodnight:  i agree with pp.  you need to call her and let her know that this is an intimate wedding and that you couldn’t even invite half of your aunts and uncles due to guest limitations.  if she doesn’t get the hint after that, you need to be blunt.

her additions just increased your guest list by 10%, that’s not fair to you.

Post # 14
129 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Omigosh, I am not very good at math…..but by her adding 5 extra people to your intimate wedding, she is taking up 10% of your guest capacity!  And you didn’t invite some aunts and uncles to accommodate your wishes to have a small wedding!?  I would  politely email her ASAP 

to say the invitation was for her and her husband only due to the intimate nature of the event.  WTF is wrong with people, LOL.

Post # 15
387 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Call her and tell her the invite is for her and her husband only…. if she doesn’t like it then she doesn’t have to go… And if she decides she doesn’t want to be friends with you anymore over this then it is her loss….

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