(Closed) My children are changing…

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 4
Member
6701 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2050

@lovelynners:  Your children will pick up habits, manners, attitudes, and beliefs from a multitude of people throughout their lives. It is not surprising that they would learn some behaviors from their babysitter if they spend time with them regularly. It is nothing for you to feel bad about or beat yourself up over. If they start picking up behaviors that are unacceptable, then it might be time to reconsider your childcare arrangements. But for minor things like her volume level, just gently remind her that she’s home now and doesn’t need to be loud to get your attention. Don’t embarass her or get aggravated — just remind her, same as when people say “use your indoor voice please.” You can say “use your Home Sweet Home voice, please.”

Also, please try to be open and accepting of your daughters differences, regardless of whether she’s picked them up from somewhere or if they are 100% her own personality. I have one child who is very similar to me, and it is familiar and comforting. My other child is so different, and it’s a little harder to relate and understand. But when I deliberatey “forget” that this is my child and instead give the same consideration and “benefit of the doubt” that I would give a new acquaintance, I am rewarded by getting to know this amazing young person a little better, and they feel safe and secure knowing I love them completely — the stuff they got from me, the stuff they got from their dad, and the stuff that’s all their own.

Best wishes!

Post # 6
Member
12257 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

It could be WAY worse. I work in childcare, and I had a kid that would shout “I LOVE YOU SAM”(That’s my name), but wouldn’t say “Love you” to her own mother!

 

Post # 7
Member
251 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Can you decrease your hours at work?

Post # 8
Member
6701 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2050

@lovelynners:  They would be changing no matter what, and they will remain your kids no matter what. My husband and I were very fortunate to be able to arrange our work schedules so that the kids only spent maybe 8 hours a week in daycare. The rest of the time it was either mom or dad (or rarely, both of us). And believe you me, they changed! It sounds like you would like to spend more time with them though, which is understandable. What if you involved them more in the weekend shopping and housekeeping? Spend Friday evening making up a grocery list — maybe they can clip coupons, or write down the items as you dictate — then go shopping early Saturday morning before it gets crowded so you can make a fun time of it. Then you can talk while putting the groceries away, have lunch together, clean up lunch together, help them with homework, play a game, have them help get dinner ready…. You’re probably already doing most of this — and they’re remembering it. You will always be mom.

Post # 9
Member
7728 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@Daisy_Mae:  You are right though-she will always be their mom.  Unfortunately, when my kids were growing up, I was working 2:30-10:30–including weekends and holidays.  It broke my heart but it couldn’t be helped, because I was the breadwinner and because of the type of work I did,  My kids are grown now, and they do remember the little things I tried to do to with them in the minutes here and there that I had (made) time with them.

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