(Closed) My child's Father's text leads to argument (NWR)

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 17
Member
8434 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

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@rickhurst35:  +1, your kids are lucky to have parents like you

Post # 18
Member
372 posts
Helper bee

He’s guilt-tripping you and then taking it out on his daughter (‘Why didn’t you call me?’ to a six-year-old, …. disgraceful!). If he wanted to talk to her so desperately, why didn’t he ring her (you?) to thank his daughter for the present?

 

 If he wanted to speak to her, then when you OFFERED him his daughter for the weekend, he should have said ‘I’m not free that day, but can we schedule a call so I get to speak to her?’.

 

You offered him the opportunity to spend the day with his daughter, which he refused, not (apparently) for work reasons but for recreational ones. Which suggests that the day isn’t a big priority for him (or he’d jump at the chance to spend it with her).

 

And regardless of what the mother does or does not do, there is NO EXCUSE for the father taking this out on the child.

 

He is guilt-tripping you AND your daughter, and that is not OK. For her sake, I would try to continue to remain amicable with him, but I would tell him that if he has any issue about your daughter’s communications with him, to speak to you about it and NOT to address it with her. That’s so unfair and it needs to be nipped in the bud right now. If it isn’t, then she is going to grow up feeling guilty about stuff that isn’t in any way her fault.

 

 

 

Post # 19
Member
1285 posts
Bumble bee

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@Chrysoberyl:  That’s the parents fault for thinking of themselves before putting the child(ren) first.  IMO.  When parents are divorced, or separated, they tend to think of themselves before the well-being of their own children.  Children have 2 parents.  Parents need to respect one another for the sake of their own children and not put their children in the middle of situations like this and not put a guilt trip on the child(ren).  

Post # 20
Member
629 posts
Busy bee

Please don’t flame me for this, but we don’t know what type of man the father is. With SO’s father, ever since he and SO’s mom divorced, if he says “I’m gonna be out of town” it means “I’m escaping the city and don’t want to be contacted.” He honestly will be upset if anyone calls him unless it’s an emergency. For all we know, maybe the father is generally this way when he goes away with his friends.

That being said, I come from a family that has rarely celebrated Father’s Day on Father’s Day, so I do see the card and gift a few days before as being the necessary celebration.

Post # 21
Member
7643 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

I agree it is the mother’s responsibility to ensure the child calls since she is only 6. That being said, the child did contact him and give him a gift the day before because he said he wasn’t going to be able to take the child for Father’s Day, so that tells me that he wasn’t going to be available to be reached (and obviously if he texted at midnight he probably wouldn’t have been available during the day).

Post # 22
Member
1794 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

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@fishbone:  +1 . It’s your responsibility as a parent not to let your feelings about your ex affect her relationship with her father.

Post # 23
Member
11735 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Yeah I think you should have helped your daughter call her dad on Father’s Day.  He shouldn’t have to call her on that day.  Whether or not he was available to spend time with her or not is beside the point.  

My dad sometimes goes on vacation for father’s day. That doesn’t mean we don’t call him because we can’t spend time with him because he is away. 

Post # 24
Member
11231 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

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@visorgirl:  +1

As a kid whose dad wasn’t around, your daughter’s father is being a giant douche. You gave him a chance and he declined. She already gave him a card and gifts and wished him a happy father’s day. I come from a family that celebrates holidays when they can, so to me, what she already did counts. I don’t think she needed to ALSO call him to wish him a happy father’s day AGAIN.

Post # 25
Member
4950 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

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@vorpalette:  I agree completely.

Post # 26
Member
1237 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@slc201329:  As the all to rare mother without custody, I can see your ex’s side. However, his passive-agressive text was unneccesary. He’s more than old enough to call your daughter himself.

I call my children every sunday and leave a message. It’s been about two months since they or their father last contacted me. My kids are older than your daughter, but it still hurts when they don’t contact me for Mother’s Day or my birthday. I imagine that he was hurt, and was a jackass. 

Personally, a mutual apology is my suggestion, to clear the air and get things back to how they were before.

Post # 28
Member
9853 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

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@slc201329:  yes I read the part about you offering for him to have her on that day, but even though he turned that down doesn’t mean he wouldn’t have appreciated a call on the actual day, even though she gave him the gift a few days beforehand. You should apologise to him for not getting your child to call her dad on that day. But he should also apologise, to you and your child for his taking out his frustration with you on her. He had every right to be upset but he shouldn’t have taking it oit on his daughter. 

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