(Closed) My Close Friend Says She's Too Jealous To Visit Our New Home- Help?

posted 4 years ago in Home
Post # 3
Member
56 posts
Worker bee

Maybe she is dealing with her own feelings about not being able to afford to rent a house. Maybe she imagined that at this point she would be able to afford to live in her dream house and she just found out that this is not the case. Give her some time to deal with her own feelings, and when you eventually show her the house she would be less negative too. I know that you are in a happy situation and that you want the world to know and share your feelings with the persons who are important to you. 

Post # 4
Member
7272 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@sugarpea:  You can’t change her feelings. She’s being petty and weird, but that’s her. She’s just immature and there’s nothing you can do to change it. She’s going to have to get over it herself. While I don’t think it’s rude or pushy for you to invite her over, she probably does because she’s having such a negative reaction. So I wouldn’t invite her anymore. She’ll come around eventually. 

Post # 5
Member
3281 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

She sounds very childish and immature. I’m 20 and I don’t act like that. She may feel jealous or wish she had some things you do but she should never act that way or say she can’t come visit you because of jealousy. I would just ignore it and let it go until she decides she is capable of dealing with things and can be happy for you like she should be. 

Post # 6
Member
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

Could she just have been joking and really just not that interested in your house. You keep bringing up your house to her and maybe that is her way getting you to drop it.

Post # 7
Member
1853 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

It’s clear that in terms of maturity, you two are far more than just 2 years apart. If you want to remain friends with her, just accept that she can be immature and selfish about things she can’t have, and take it into consideration when sharing news with her or when deciding whether to take something personally. If this was my situation, I would distance myself from her until she grows up a little. I know that some people are more inclined to cling on to frienships than I am, but I also think trying too hard to salvage a friendship that’s in poor shape can hurt the chances of becoming closer later, when both parties are more equipped to be better friends. Just don’t feel personally hurt, her lack of consideration for your feelings is just a side effect of needing to grow up, and it doesn’t reflect on you. 

 

Post # 8
Member
778 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

It sounds like you really value her friendship, so honestly the best course of action is just to be the bigger person and not take these things personally for the next few years until she (hopefully) grows up. She’s acting very immature and self-absorbed.

The other option is to try sitting down with her sometime and telling her how sad and hurt you feel over all of this. Try to avoid putting her on the defensive–just frame it as “this is how I’m feeling lately, and it really bums me out.”

I’m sorry, OP. Invest emotionally in your other friendships and hopefully this phase will pass in time.

Post # 9
Member
602 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

@sugarpea:  My sister and I are 8 years apart and Im the young but got a house before her. She was excited but once we closed she didnt want to help with colors or anything. Now that they were finally able to get a house she is totally on the same page as me with helping and talking. I think your friend is just upset that she cant have it too and maybe this is something that she has really wanted, give her time to come around maybe when the house isnt the brand new object in your life. 

Post # 10
Member
2876 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

Are you sure shes just not a bit sick if hearing about it

 I mean ill take a quick tour of a new house but cant think ofanyhting worse that discussing at length furniture choices etc

Maybe she was feigning interest to be a good friend and offering help and now shes trying to find a way to start talking abiut other things?

Post # 11
Member
726 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

It sounds to me like she’s tired of you bringing it up and jokingly tried to get you to drop it.

Edited to add: I say this because I think I wore some of my friends out when I first bought a house.

Post # 12
Member
9692 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@MexiPino:  +1. And at least she is being honest about her jealous feelings. That isn’t always an easy thing to admit.

I bought my house very young too (I was 20 with my first rental property, and 22 with my first family home). My friends were thrilled to have someone to hang out and I didn’t experience any adverse reactions. I guess I was lucky that way.

It can be hard when your friends are in a stage of life that you haven’t reached; it can make you feel inadequate, or that you are behind where you “should” be. When my friends started getting married and having babies, it was hard for me (they are all older than me, but still).

I was happy for them, but also jealous. We talked about it and many said they envied me for accomplishing what I had, without any help from a man. The grass isn’t always greener. I think your friend will come around and realize everyone reaches different levels at their own pace.

You can’t measure you life with someone else’s yardstick 🙂 You know what they say about the best laid plans.

Post # 13
Member
710 posts
Busy bee

Realizing that the adult things you want (or even the ones you need) don’t come as easily as it seems is difficult to come to terms with, at any age. You are very fortunate to be in the position you are, and I think it probably is upsetting to her that she’s confronted with what she perceives as her own shortcomings. She may sense your disapproval in her trying to emulate your successes, and that can be another hard thing to face.

You’ve been kind in trying to include her, but I think you both deserve a little space. She’ll come around, and in the meantime you have lots of exciting new homeowner projects to spend your time on!

Congratulations!!

Post # 14
Member
1628 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I would drop it. Stop trying to make her feel something she isn’t and just let her have her feelings. At least she’s being honest, even though it makes her look petty. If she’s changed her mind about helping you with your new home get over and just be happy and enjoy it with your SO.

Post # 16
Member
4522 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Yes, it’s immature, and her inability to deal is unfortunate, but I can understand her jealousy. Just let her come around on her own time, and in the meantime, meet up at her place or out in public. 

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