(Closed) My colleague is having an affair and it's really bothering me.

posted 4 years ago in Career
Post # 2
866 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

ZebraPrintMe:  ugh – be glad he’s just your co-worker is my inly advice 😉 hopefully he’ll retire soon!

Post # 3
3783 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

What a scumbag! It’s horrible that he doesn’t even make an effort to hide it. He sounds like he thinks he is really something else. 

Post # 4
628 posts
Busy bee

I hate cheating, too. I obviously wouldn’t do it and I also don’t care to see it. If he isn’t doing any work, maybe a manager will eventually get involved and you won’t have to hear him anymore. 

Post # 5
1671 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

ZebraPrintMe:  Gross! He sounds awful. It makes me so sad when people belittle their spouses in front of people like that. It’s wrong. Sorry you have to work with that guy! You know, we spend more time with our coworkers than almost anyone else… Is it really so hard to not be such a dick!? (Him, not you.)

I was talking to a coworker about that the other day, about how we spend more time with each other than we do with our husbands! My coworker had this to say, “Easy. Don’t be terrible. That’s it.”

Post # 6
1724 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1998

You describe him as your colleague, but later mention that you get to deal with him if you even take a day off sick — is this guy actually your boss? If he really is ‘just’ a colleague, it seems pretty amazing that a higher-up hasn’t taken notice to this incredibly unprofessional behavior and booted the guy. Not because he’s having an affair, but because family members are coming in and starting drama, and he’s having loads of personal phone calls while he’s on the clock. For that reason, I’m imagining that this guy is probably higher up on the food chain than you are — so far, he’s gotten away with all of this nonsense.

In either case, you’re in a tough position. My stance on it isn’t from the moral perspective, but the fact that everyone else is workin’ hard while he’s workin’ hard, if you know what I mean. In a better situation, maybe you and some of the other co-workers could approach HR about how his behavior is disturbing the rest of you while you’re working (doesn’t sound like an option).

Shy of that, can you pop on some headphones while you’re working and listen to music?

Post # 7
2598 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

ZebraPrintMe:  How he acts in the office IS your business.  If he’s screaming at you, being aggressive, not doing his work, taking long lunches, taking time off, distracting everyone around him with his loud conversations with his wife, etc. – that impacts you.  

While you certainly don’t want to come off as a tattle-tale, if his conduct is directly or indirectly having a negative impact, you should consider bringing your concerns to your manager or HR.  dont focus at all on his personal life, but give clear, specific examples of how his behavior is impacting you.

Even if you’re just annoyed by him yelling at his wife on the phone, you can asked to be moved by saying his loud, frequent, angry personal phone calls are a distraction. 

He sounds like a real piece of crap.  It’s possible his manager is aware of his issues and is building a case. 

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