(Closed) My commitment-phobe ex just got engaged

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1664 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I dated a guy like that too!  Looking back, I think the problem was that he was one of those people who needs someone to admire them, if that makes sense.  Anyway, I found out a few years ago that he got married to his boss’s (or maybe his?) secretary.  He used to talk about her occassionally- how he felt bad because she had just divorced a much older man and was all alone in the state; and that she was so nice, she’d bring in baked goods and did their Christmas shopping, etc.  It’s funny how things work out!

Post # 4
Member
3166 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@yaneres: :D!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i love your 1-2-3’s. congrats on your MUCH better FH!

Post # 6
Member
363 posts
Helper bee

I’ve been there too. And feel the same way now “I dodged the bullet”. 

Glad that you found someone supportive and positive to spend your life with 🙂

Post # 7
Member
426 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

Yeah. That’s always a fun day huh?

On the one hand you’re awed (happy, surprised for him/yourself, amazed he did it, etc.) on the other you’re miffed (what happened to finally get him there? how is their relationship different? why was he such a toolbag when we were together?).

Post # 8
Member
2271 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

That’s the way it goes. My ex (of 20+ YEARS) did all kinds of things for his sknaky Girlfriend that he would never do for me. Oh well, I am happy to be rid of the A-hole.

Post # 9
Member
540 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

LOL I love your third thought and I know exactly what blurry studio shots you’re talking about too!

Post # 10
Member
43 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I was a commitment phobe for pretty much my adult life.  I started dating when I was 14 and had many, many long term relationships but never married.  I have been “engaged” multiple times (5 rings in my jewelry collection) and even “ran off” before the wedding.  I am almost 50 yrs olds and I am financially successful with tons of friends and family.  I was destined to live my life with someone different every few years-how cool is that?!  It sounds awful but I have been to the best therapists for this in the country.  Men are usually the commitment phobic ones in a relationship so many therapists were simply confused.  I even had to drag one woman (the one who developed all of the pre-maritial programs out there) out of retirement to treat me…but in the end it turns out I am NOT a commitment phobe, I just did not meet the right one until now!  So I have to laugh when woman say that their SO is not willing to commit.  We are ready to commit when we have met the right person in front of us.  I know it is harsh to hear, but I went from commitment phobic to wanting a commitment in a few months!  No amount of therapy was able to do that!  When I met my fiance, he was with his girlfriend for 5yrs with no plans to marry yet after we got together, he had a ring in hand and proposed in 6 months.  Yes, I hear about this happening a lot wth men and sometimes with women.  I guess I just want women to see the other side.  I kept a lot of guys “hoping” with no real strong desire to marrying them but it did not mean that I did not love them.  Oh I did love them all with the shortest relationship lasting 3.5 yrs but with marriage we are not looking to go off a checklist.  It is something more complex for us “commitment phobic people”.  I was looking for someone who gets me and when I found him, all my fears just lifted.  I would say if you are in a long term relationship and the other person is not willing to commit, move on!  It just was not meant to be. 

Post # 11
Member
1519 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I dodged a bullet in my last relationship as well. AHHHH man does that feel good. God bless the woman that ends up with him!

Post # 12
Member
43 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I forgot I should also add that once I met him everything else in my life that I was afraid to commit to – just fell into place!  I could not buy a home because it meant I could not move at a moments notice- but we bought a home.  I also could not commit to my job and was always looking for better, and now I love my job and I am working hard at it.  It is a complete change for me.  I did not run out and marry the guy in an instant so it was not an overnight process.  The main point is I knew early on in the relationship that he was it!  We have been together now for 5 yrs and it is time to get it on paper!

Post # 13
Member
3482 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Yeah, I’m pretty much the reason my ex is currently in a well-adjusted, healthy relationship too. It wasn’t until I broke up with him that he really started making the most of his counseling sessions. It kind of pissed me off at first, but I can’t complain! I’m happily married now and I quite like my ex’s girlfriend and am glad she doesn’t have to put up with the same crap from him that I did, so everybody wins! 🙂

Post # 14
Member
261 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I found my ex his therapist too… I just couldn’t put up with his crap any longer. Good ridance, I say. He’s in another relationship, and I’m happily married. I do feel bad for his current girlfriend though… I can’t imagine he’s changed THAT much, and boy was he a piece of work.

Post # 15
Member
2699 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Me too! It will feel weird the day I see he’s engaged/married cos I can’t imagine who would be able to put up with him! That said…he’s still single 5 years later…shocker!

 

Post # 16
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee

Have you ever seen that movie “Good Luck Chuck”?

I sometimes think amazing women who would make amazing wives have this habit of turning completely un-marriable men into perfect husband material for the next lucky girl who comes along. It’s such a cruel joke the universe plays on some women!

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