(Closed) My Confirmed Guest List Keeps Getting Smaller

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
4275 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Do not worry about how many guests will be coming to your wedding. This day is for you two. If people want to miss out, then that is their problem.

Post # 4
Member
1725 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’m sorry 🙁 I would hope that these friends (the girls) would at least show up even though they broke up with their SO? I guess not :/ You guys will still have special people there who love you

Post # 5
Member
3357 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@Cady:  Exactly this.

Post # 6
Member
721 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I can understand how you are feeling, but trust me…on the day of it really won’t matter.  We invited 120 (knowing that prob 20 of them being really far out of towners wouldn’t make it, but they were family so we felt we had to extend the invite regardless)  Then between those who RSVP’d no and the day of no shows we had like 75-80 people there.  I was bummed for a split second, but then I looked around at who was there to celebrate our special day, and at my Husband :-)…Think of it as more room on the dance floor, extra food for seconds, more time to have some actual conversations with your guests 🙂

Post # 8
Member
721 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@Imhisbride:  I understand.  Honestly the last 2 weeks before the wedding were the most stressful for me as well.  Everything feels like it is coming together and falling apart at the same time.  It is cliche to say, but it really does all work out in the end!

Post # 9
Member
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I felt the same way – we expected 125, but in the end, had only 95.  More folks couldn’t make it than expected and 5 people changed rsvps or were no-shows.  In the end, I felt like I was barely able to talk to anyone, so I was really glad it was small.  We didn’t move around the table very quickly to speak with people – we hit only 3 of 12! and after dinner everyone was up and dancing so harder to reach.  I admit I’d be bugged at the friend who changed rsvp due to breaking up with her boyfriend though – perhaps if she’s a good friend you can lean on her or ask a friend about it.

Post # 13
Member
1304 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

75 out of 100 is not that bad of a yield.  I thought the standard back-of-the-envelope estimate was 20% declines?  You aren’t that far off.

We had a maybe 50% acceptance rate, but I was thrilled because I wanted a smaller event and was annoyed at how much the guest list had exploded.  We did a destination wedding — about 3 hrs away, and most guests spent the night — and that helped weed out the peripheral invites.

As long as your very closest family and friends are there, I don’t think anyone else should really make a big difference in terms of attendance.  Honestly, I would feel worse for my friends dealing with the breakups.  Who cares if your friend’s plus one can’t be there?  That will just make the event feel more intimate.  We invited single guests with a plus one as a courtesy, but to be honest I didn’t really want extraneous people at my wedding.  It had nothing to do with cost; it’s a personal event so people we don’t know well (or at all!) don’t really belong there in my opinion.

On the other hand, your “friend” is not attending because her relationship ended?  LAME.  I give you permission to be annoyed about that one.  But I doubt her absence will make you any less happy to get married, right?

Post # 14
Member
1238 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’m sorry that you’re feeling this way, but you shouldn’t be taking it personally!!

surely you remember how difficult and painful break ups are? try to be mroe sensitive to what they are going through, and not how this effects you. 75 guests at a wedding sounds like a great number to me- I wish mine was going to be that size.

compassion.

Post # 16
Member
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@Imhisbride: There is no expectation for no-shows because they are just that, no-shows.  The smaller the wedding, the less likely the no-shows I would say.

On the day of, we had one.  My husband’s(! – still feels funny to say that) uncle from Paris flew in from his business trip in China, made it late to our rehearsal BBQ (open to all) and to our wedding ceremony, then flew out back to France to be the main witness in a trial.  He was in the US for about 24 hours.  Yes, he didn’t show for dinner itself, but when his aunt explained we felt better, knowing he made a fairly extreme effort to join what he could, and it was fairly unexpected and unavoidable.

On the other hand, I am bugged at a couple that RSVPd late and a week and a half later (after final counts were in) decided the drive would be too tough on her with her pregnancy (beginning of second trimester) and canceled and we had to pay for their seats.  That was something she could have known about sooner….like the week before.  It didn’t just crop up.

I know you are frustrated that you choose a small wedding and it’s even smaller, but honestly, how much better for the breakups just *before* the wedding as opposed to after!  Imagine having the ex-s in pictures.  The people you really want are still coming (except the flaky friend).

Write the flaky friend a note, and say: I’m sorry to hear about your breakup, etc.  I am writing hoping you will change your mind about attending the wedding.  I know you are going through a difficult time, but I was looking forward to celebrating my marriage with you for this once in a lifetime milestone.  If you are able to make it after all, we would be delighted to see you.  (If you want….even lay it on thick an add “There is no need to decide immediately, we already have X cancellations after the final count so your meal is already paid for and there for you if you can make it.”).  And send a mutual friend to talk to her.

For the friends that can’t get the time off…yesh, why didn’t they ask sooner!  I honestly would consider writing back to them, “That’s a bummer!  Did your boss change her mind?  We unfortunately already gave in the final count to the vendor on X day.”  It is not diplomatic, but with friends I’m more honest.

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