(Closed) my confusing bridesmaid

posted 6 years ago in Parties
Post # 5
Member
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

The bachelorette party is a gift to you, not a required part of being a bridesmaid.  If she can only contribute $40, then it is what it is.  If the rest of your bridesmaids (and not you, because you really shouldn’t plan your own b-party) cannot figure out a way to accommodate her budget, that’s on them, not on you.

Post # 6
Member
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

@futuremrsfitz18:  I agree.  Bachelorette parties aren’t mandatory– they’re a gift.  Heck, I’m paying for some of my girls to come just because I want to see them and have a last hurrah with them.  If they want to buy me drinks, fine, but they certainly aren’t required to come and I would never make my wedding a financial burden on them.  Friendships are more important than wedding details.

Post # 7
Member
383 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I agree with the last poster. If she has said she’ll do dinner and she can contribute $40, then I think that’s great if the others can work around her.

I also agree that you shouldn’t be involved in what’s going on here. It’s a party for you, so I don’t think you should be concerned.

And even if she said she had a certain amount saved, unless you have access to her saving and spending habits, I don’t think it’s fair to judge what she can and can not afford. what means more to you, having her stand up with you on your wedding day or having her spend $500 to do so?

Post # 8
Member
1715 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I think tis ok if she chooses to just go for dinner. She seems to be a guest to the bachelorette party and not really participating in the planning so if your other bridesmaids are ok with it I say they throw the party and cover your expenses without her contribution. Is she having to book a hotel or pay for transportation to go to your wedding? Also maybe part of that 500$ is your shower and wedding gift. I say make affordable plans and let her participate in the parts she is interested in.

Post # 9
Member
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I’m not sure how old you are or how much expendable income these girls have but I’d also never let a friend contribute $500 to my wedding.  I know that the dress and shoes are going to run around $150 but I’m doing my darnedest to keep their expenses as low as possible.  I just personally don’t understand how having a girl spend $500 in my wedding should be indicative of our friendship.   If she’s having money problems, $500 is a LOT of money.  I don’t have a spare $500 laying around and I consider myself financially secure.

Post # 10
Member
2416 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

This is tricky…I would probably put someone else in charge of planning it and set it up so that people can opt in/out of events like a big dinner, etc.

I have spent anywhere form $100-$350 for a bachelorette party. I usually view it as a big expenditure and prepare for that…

Post # 11
Member
412 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I also live in Metro Detroit and have been trying to think of cheaper ideas too. What my Maid/Matron of Honor has come up with is just to get a limo / party bus and go bar hopping. This should not cost more than $20 a person as long as you find an affordable limo company / get enough people to actually fill the limo that you are getting. We are getting the limo from 9 pm till 3 am. We will all meet up at someone’s house before hand. Everyone will make a dish, open some gifts, have some pre-drinks then we get in to limo and head out to some bars. I plan on just having everyone stay the night at where ever we meet up. That way no one has to pay extra for a hotel and the limo can drop us all off at one place. Your Bridesmaid or Best Man shouldn’t need more than $40. After she pays the $20 for the limo it is up to her how much she wants to spend on drinks at the bar.

I am not sure where exactly you live near Detroit, but there are so many cities in the metro area that have a large number of bar that you don’t necessarily have to go into downtown detroit and get a hotel and all that. Once you hit the city things seem to sky rocket in price!

Post # 13
Member
383 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Your best might be different from her best.

I would go ahead with whatever plans your other BMs have and let her participate as much or as little as she wants.

Post # 14
Member
412 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@ChrisMarie:  I think you just need to sit her down and talk to her. Maybe there is some unknown reason why she is acting like that. Does she not like the other BM’s? Is she jealous that she can’t afford it so shes taking it out on everyone? Just ask her what’s going on and if there is anything you can do to make this go more smoothly for her. There could be something that she’s not telling you about. Maybe she had an unforseen financial crisis and had to spend the money she had put away. Maybe she’s feeling left out. There could be so many reason’s why she’s acting this way.

Unless for some reason she’s just being a b*tch? If that’s the case I would tell her what your plans are and just ask her if she’s in or if she’s out. There is no reason to stress about something that is all about having fun before you get married.

Post # 15
Member
9648 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

It sounds as though she may be a little embarrassed at not being able to afford more for you.  That said, as the bride, you shouldn’t be put into the situation of having to be involved with the planning of your bacherlorette party, especially not the expense part.  I think they should find a way to include her (tactfully) so as to avoid hurting her feelings.  I also think they should leave you out of the money part, because it’s a gift for you and should be fun, not stressful, for you. 

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