(Closed) My controlling Mother is going to take over and ruin my plans

posted 5 years ago in Elopement
Post # 3
Member
2743 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Disney

@streiffe:  Tell her if she wants a party she can have it and announce it herself but you have other plans. Also tell her you are having the wedding you want and its up to her if she comes or not but this is your day and you’re doing it your way. You do not want a fuss made over this and you want her to respect that.

Post # 4
Member
9142 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

Elope without the parents ASAP.  It will be easier.

Post # 6
Member
317 posts
Helper bee

@streiffe:  Yeah, this happened to us. Told Future Mother-In-Law we are eloping with no guests and we were not doing a party and she says she wants to do a BBQ at her house to celebrate OUR wedding because FH’s family really wants to celebrate with him and there are people in his family going through “tough times” that really need something to look forward to. Then she says to me that she knows I don’t want a party because I am very uncomfortable in social situations like that but she knows I can “fake it” for the day because I can be very charming. WTF.

We were against the idea of a BBQ for our wedding from the beginning so to appease her we decided we’d host a formal wedding dinner and she gave me a bunch of shit about it! Her comments continued and my family gave me a hard time too and we cancelled it because we were heartbroken that people didn’t think a post elopement dinner was important enough to attend.

So.. if you try to compromise with your mom, it may never be enough because it sounds like she wants to run the show. I think your idea to elope with your parents in a Destination Wedding is beautiful and think you should do just that if its what you guys want. Obviously, you can’t control who your mom tells but you can let her know how pissed you are about what she’s doing – she deserves to hear that. We’re not having parents at our elopement but my cousins (who were about your age and living together just as long as you and FH) did an impromptu beach wedding with just their parents and their siblings understood not being there. Sometimes things just make sense and I think your decision does. But even if it didn’t, its still your wedding, you shouldn’t have to do anything you don’t want to. Where are you eloping to?

 

 

Post # 7
Member
259 posts
Helper bee

Ignore the *****.

But no, in all seriousness just don’t show up. Say ‘Oh, I’m afraid we’re busy that day’ and then avoid the subject like the plague. Make it obvious that discussing it is not even an option. She’ll just have to get over it.

Post # 8
Member
4495 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@beachbride1216:  +1. Just do what you want, no one can make you go to the get together. I’d go get married and be done with it

Post # 9
Hostess
8579 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Stand your ground & put your foot down.

If you give her an inch, she’ll take a mile. Trust me on this.

My mother tried taking over my wedding plans.

I wanted/am having a gorgeous ceremony space, and then a typical reception in a building. She told me a backyard bbq wedding was good enough for me… and we’d have kfc for dinner. She even went to the lengths of asking friends if we could have it in their backyard!

I had to tell her, “Look, what you think I deserve and what I think I deserve are two differant things. I want my wedding THIS way, so please just be supportive, or bug out”.

She isn’t really interested in my wedding anymore… but I get MY wedding.

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