(Closed) My cousin and them…

posted 9 years ago in African-American
Post # 3
687 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

My family is awesomely amazing. I trust (most) of “dem” with my life. I would trust them more than anyone hired because they are personally invested in making my day a success. I will likely DIY with a lot of things, so everyone and their mama (including mine) will be pulled in to help in some way, shape or form.

During the planning stages, I hope to enlist one of “dem,” who is not a part of the wedding party, as the unofficial DOC to make sure that everything goes well. This will be my way to include them and, really, give them one of the most important tasks. They will have my check-list and know what I want, and I will, of course, give them special recognition or a thank you gift. Honestly, I wouldn’t even have to ask someone to do this because my circle is like that — they do what needs to be done with as little fuss as possible.

But, if I thought there could at all be any issues or that it would be worth the hassle, then I wouldn’t. In my case, I really do know how fortunate I am that it would not be that way. (And I know this for a fact as my family has done TONS of weddings.)




Post # 4
7081 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2009

While I’m not black, some of Mr. DG’s family is.  We opted to use them.  It’s hard because everyone has so many opinions on how to make things “just right”.

In the end I just kind of threw up my hands and let them do it.  There were a few battles where I stood my ground, but otherwise I just let them have at it πŸ˜‰

Post # 5
3098 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

I love it!!!

Cousins and them…. that’s some southern talk!! πŸ˜€

Post # 7
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

Am I allowed to answer? πŸ™‚ 


My aunt is making my cake and I’m hoping my cousin will sing in the ceremony with a friend playing guitar. Also, my other aunt is lending me some stuff for centerpieces. Oh and my FI’s mom is helping me make invitations. And my friend/BM is doing my makeup. And my mom and I are doing the decorations. So……. its a family affair!

Post # 8
3709 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I am a Destination Wedding bride so that wasn’t an option or issue for me…depending on how you look at it =)

However, I am in the beginning stages of planning my sister’s wedding and mama, cousins, and ‘nem will ALL be a part of the process. I have a reputation for being the leader so I don’t foresee too many problems. I gathered the troops once before for my younger brothers wedding and was able to plan his wedding/reception in TWO WEEKS. Everyone raved about how orderly and well put together it was.

The key is to give them set guidelines and make use of camera phones…LOL!

Post # 9
4480 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

I actually really wish we had more family members who were willing and able to help…but I only would have taken them up on things that weren’t actually all that important to me. If I had a very specific vision for something, I wouldn’t want to risk someone I care about incurring the wrath. πŸ˜‰

Post # 12
144 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

@crebre-LOL-you made me laugh with the crickets comments when you mentioned gourmet burgers! I got a similar reaction when we mentioned gourmet pizza for the rehearsal dinner, it didn’t go over well at all! 

by the way, I checked out your blog, I like it!

Post # 13
5388 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

I’m not using none of ‘dem. I want to save myself from a headache. My bf and I are the youngest and although we are responisble and perhaps even more mature than our older siblings, our families like to butt in and control things. So we are usually professionals and the only people that will have SOME say are the people that are helping pay for the wedding (so that cuts ‘dem out).

Post # 15
687 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

@crebre80: There’s nothing wrong with not wanting your aunts or any of “dem” to help if you know that there will be the potential for drama. The only reason to have anyone in the family help is if it will make your life easier.

There are many other ways your aunts can pay your mom back for the help she did with their daughter weddings, such as helping with rehersal dinner preparations, engagement party preparation, or any loads of other things. πŸ™‚

Post # 16
455 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Well, I’ve donated my event planning services to my family for their special events, including weddings.  I’m a semi-professional, since I don’t do this event planning thing full time.  The corporate job keeps me busy 50-60 hours a week (sometimes more). 


But… I know what you mean by “my cousins and dem.”  Although I donated my semi-professional services, a lot of the family members insisted on putting in their two cents.  It’s hard for the guest of honor or bride/groom to manage, so I generally handled that aspect and just found a way to allow everyone to contribute to the planning and coordination without taking away from the guest of honor’s (or bride/groom in this case) style and wants. 


It’s okay to have family help; you just need to be able to stand your ground when it is something you want.  There are some battles you’ll decide to lose and some you’ll fight ’til you win.  Whatever you do, weddings are about family and I think incorporating them into your day is perfect.  Knowing my “cousins and dem,” it’s difficult, but a firm hand on the day of the wedding, like a coordinator or a family friend/member moonlighting as a coordinator will work wonders for your stress level. 

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