Post # 1
A friend and I were having a discussion about how most of us use our cousin and them to help with our day when we could hire a professional and come out with a stellar result, oftentimes cheaper, and not as much of a headache in the end. How many cousin’s and them are you using for your day that aren’t professionals? For instance I hear over and over about the stresses of using a family member has caused because the family member exerted their style and didn’t budge when the bride wanted a more modern aesthetic.
Personally I have aunts and them.. They won’t be used :D… They have big personalities and well I have a biggger one, I guess it’s one good thing that comes from being an older bride (29 or 30 who knows since i’m not engaged yet lol)… I honestly don’t give a fart about what they say because i’m not a child and know exactly what i want…
Post # 3
My family is awesomely amazing. I trust (most) of “dem” with my life. I would trust them more than anyone hired because they are personally invested in making my day a success. I will likely DIY with a lot of things, so everyone and their mama (including mine) will be pulled in to help in some way, shape or form.
During the planning stages, I hope to enlist one of “dem,” who is not a part of the wedding party, as the unofficial DOC to make sure that everything goes well. This will be my way to include them and, really, give them one of the most important tasks. They will have my check-list and know what I want, and I will, of course, give them special recognition or a thank you gift. Honestly, I wouldn’t even have to ask someone to do this because my circle is like that — they do what needs to be done with as little fuss as possible.
But, if I thought there could at all be any issues or that it would be worth the hassle, then I wouldn’t. In my case, I really do know how fortunate I am that it would not be that way. (And I know this for a fact as my family has done TONS of weddings.)
Post # 4
While I’m not black, some of Mr. DG’s family is. We opted to use them. It’s hard because everyone has so many opinions on how to make things “just right”.
In the end I just kind of threw up my hands and let them do it. There were a few battles where I stood my ground, but otherwise I just let them have at it 😉
Post # 5
I love it!!!
Cousins and them…. that’s some southern talk!! 😀
Post # 6
@layla: i’m such a su-ther-nnnn belle!! lol!!!
@mrs.dg: it’s the just right that i won’t stand for 😀 my grandmom owned a planning business that’s not as err couture as i like it ;)… and she and my aunt both make cakes, my mom and one of my other aunts are opening a venue at home and yet another aunt is an event coordinator at a hotel. let’s just say NOOOOO i mean i won’t discuss any of my ideas with them because i guess i’m too much like them and this is sort of what i want…
@curlydreamer: i also think back to the weddings where the aunts pulled together the event, they were all sooo exhausted at the end of it and in pissy moods because they all have such strong personalities… and got into some type of disagreement about it… that’s totally not the vibe for my day :D… my mother has told me point blankly : these aunts will be helping you with your wedding because i helped with their daughter’s. and i did so much work that i’ll be damned if they don’t do work for yours… ummm NO. glad i have a little sister, my response was “ma, they can definitely help (insert younger sister’s name) because the older i get the less patience i have.. you can suggest an idea, but ummm my wedding, my way, on my dime.
Post # 7
Am I allowed to answer? 🙂
My aunt is making my cake and I’m hoping my cousin will sing in the ceremony with a friend playing guitar. Also, my other aunt is lending me some stuff for centerpieces. Oh and my FI’s mom is helping me make invitations. And my friend/BM is doing my makeup. And my mom and I are doing the decorations. So……. its a family affair!
Post # 8
I am a Destination Wedding bride so that wasn’t an option or issue for me…depending on how you look at it =)
However, I am in the beginning stages of planning my sister’s wedding and mama, cousins, and ‘nem will ALL be a part of the process. I have a reputation for being the leader so I don’t foresee too many problems. I gathered the troops once before for my younger brothers wedding and was able to plan his wedding/reception in TWO WEEKS. Everyone raved about how orderly and well put together it was.
The key is to give them set guidelines and make use of camera phones…LOL!
Post # 9
- Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch
I actually really wish we had more family members who were willing and able to help…but I only would have taken them up on things that weren’t actually all that important to me. If I had a very specific vision for something, I wouldn’t want to risk someone I care about incurring the wrath. 😉
Post # 10
is it strange that i just have absolutely no interest in and them helping?! i told my mom over the phone about the gourmet burgers and you could hear the cricket’s chirping!! am i the only person that hates the stufffy wedding food? seriously i leave weddings heading to mcdonald’s burger king or waffle house, with that being said why not give the guests that type of food?! as a guest, i’d LOVE to go to a wedding like that so i’ll give it to them… but m of course wants chicken wings and finger sandwiches lol so at least we’re semi on the same page, i’m thinking gourmet wings, that have like the thai wings with peanut butter and sesame seed sauce, a hawaiian version, lemon pepper, etc. i want an us wedding without to much pomp and circumstance.. i’m a diva definitely but i LOVE bar food and so does m.
Post # 11
@spaniel: EXACTLY!! how do you say i wanted red roses and those are orangey red?! or something like that, i’d rather do it myself which is totally a diva-bride moment… i refuse to say bridezilla because those b.tches are nuts!! but a diva-bride is very particular and knows exactly what she wants and just wants it the way that she does. she’s older and more established and well a diva 😉
Post # 12
@crebre-LOL-you made me laugh with the crickets comments when you mentioned gourmet burgers! I got a similar reaction when we mentioned gourmet pizza for the rehearsal dinner, it didn’t go over well at all!
by the way, I checked out your blog, I like it!
Post # 13
I’m not using none of ‘dem. I want to save myself from a headache. My bf and I are the youngest and although we are responisble and perhaps even more mature than our older siblings, our families like to butt in and control things. So we are usually professionals and the only people that will have SOME say are the people that are helping pay for the wedding (so that cuts ‘dem out).
Post # 14
@ms.mojito: i know she’s going MY DAUGHTER will not have BURGERS at her wedding! NO WAY. and i’m thinking thank goodness you live five hours a way and i can sneak in a few things lol!!!! thanks for the compliments on my blog!! i am actually cleaning the disaster that i call my house. i need to start eating better before the holidays and attempting to purge myself of excess fluids…. i am thinking of getting a detox really soon
@trugem: my kinda glrl!! i am definitely with you on the if you pay you get some say statement!! i think the only thing my mom would pay for is my dress perhaps… or they may foot the entire bill like they did for my stepsister(s) i’m not sure yet.
Post # 15
@crebre80: There’s nothing wrong with not wanting your aunts or any of “dem” to help if you know that there will be the potential for drama. The only reason to have anyone in the family help is if it will make your life easier.
There are many other ways your aunts can pay your mom back for the help she did with their daughter weddings, such as helping with rehersal dinner preparations, engagement party preparation, or any loads of other things. 🙂
Post # 16
Well, I’ve donated my event planning services to my family for their special events, including weddings. I’m a semi-professional, since I don’t do this event planning thing full time. The corporate job keeps me busy 50-60 hours a week (sometimes more).
But… I know what you mean by “my cousins and dem.” Although I donated my semi-professional services, a lot of the family members insisted on putting in their two cents. It’s hard for the guest of honor or bride/groom to manage, so I generally handled that aspect and just found a way to allow everyone to contribute to the planning and coordination without taking away from the guest of honor’s (or bride/groom in this case) style and wants.
It’s okay to have family help; you just need to be able to stand your ground when it is something you want. There are some battles you’ll decide to lose and some you’ll fight ’til you win. Whatever you do, weddings are about family and I think incorporating them into your day is perfect. Knowing my “cousins and dem,” it’s difficult, but a firm hand on the day of the wedding, like a coordinator or a family friend/member moonlighting as a coordinator will work wonders for your stress level.