- 4 years ago
- Wedding: July 2017
Hi bees, I could use any advice you can give on this subject. I just feel so “icky” and I don’t know what to do.
My cousin & I are only 2 weeks apart and basically grew up together. She will be a bridesmaid in my June wedding, and I love her to bits. Unfortunately, she seems to be in an emotionally (and possibly physically) abusive relationship, and she has really distanced herself from family and friends over the past few months, been caught lying on multiple occasions, and has put on a significant amount of weight.
So the back story… she met a guy online about 8 months ago and they began dating. Things seemed good, and she was happy until one day she received a text from his WIFE. He had never mentioned that he was married, and therefore she was obviously very upset. She broke up with him, and that was the end of things. Or so we all thought…..
Fast forward a number of months and we learn there was WAY more to the story:
1. She had never actually broken up with him. They continued to see each other in private.
2. Not only is he married, but he has TWO CHILDREN from two different women.
3. She would lie about what she was doing and where she was going. She would tell her roommates (one of whom is my sister, and two very close friends…. people you should never lie to) that she was going out of town for business for weeks at a time. It turns out that she was actually just staying at his place. Her roommates caught her in several lies about this and she would just shrug it off, of laugh and change the subject. (I just recently found out that she has not spent one night in their apartment since mid-October)
4. He makes comments about other women (being sexy, being beautiful, being hot, etc.) right in front of her. He gives a very creepy vibe to every girl he meets.
5. He tries to pick-up women in front of my cousin. (He gets their numbers, he sends nude pictures etc. all with her knowledge)
6. He calls her a “whore” when she wears certain outfits (in front of other people)
These are just a few things that we have noticed. Nobody likes this guy… not her roommates or friends (both of whom she rarely talks to anymore), not her family (her mother/my aunt has forbid him from coming over to her house). We can all see that he is no good for her, but she apparently doesn’t see it, or doesn’t care. She has also put on a significant amount of weight over the past few months. She was always very proud of her appearance… she loved makeup, clothing, hair products etc. These days she wears sweat pants and baggy shirts, doesn’t seem to care about her appearance, and eats large quantities of food almost non-stop throughout the day.
I feel like cousin is a stranger. I worry that she is just with this guy because she wants to be “in love”. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to push her away or alienate her, but I really dislike the person that she is with him. How do I support her without making it seem like I support her relationship?