(Closed) My Coworker Scheduled Her Vacation on the SAME DAYS As Our Honeymoon/Wedding…

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
982 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@NothingSaid:  So they approved your time off, and then took it back because a senior person later asked for the same dates?  Did I read that right?  Cause HOLY CRAP.  That’s total BS

Post # 18
295 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@NothingSaid:  🙁 Boo! Is there some kind of HR department you can have a quick chat to about it (and show them your email and Annie’s). Best of luck

Post # 19
2878 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@NothingSaid: Sorry, if your time wasn’t approved, you shouldn’t have booked.

If it was approved and you booked, your company should have to reimburse you any change fees associated with changed plans. 

Maybe your managers are concerned about the level of distraction driven by wedding planning, since both of them are asking. That’s pretty reasonable, as a manager, to ask about distractions. 

If she’s not attending or paying for anything, why does she know anything about your wedding plans in the first place?

I suspect there’s more to the story than you’re sharing, since when is your manager able to rush you in your personal life? Your response to your manager also seems disproportionate to the question asked by your manager. 

I’ve worked in companies when 60 hours / week is a light week, so I understand you might have a demanding job. Might it be time to move on?

I’m not taking sides, I’m just saying it’s hard to help if there’s not enough information.


Post # 20
2195 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

Whaat, That’s dumb and Annie is a dbag. I would hassle them about it.

Post # 21
507 posts
Busy bee

Yeah… I would say that you should fight this one a bit if possible. You really are more in the right – I realize the work does not always work out but I would hate to see you be forced out of your wedding by a coworker.

Post # 22
119 posts
Blushing bee

Do you spend a lot of worktime talking about/actually planning your wedding?  Your boss may be indirectly telling you you stren’t paying enough attention to your work duties.


Post # 23
2837 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@NothingSaid:  So you’re telling me this Annie chic specifically asked you when you were getting married so that SHE could take the time off for her own reasons?

Even if Annie has been there longer– don’t you think it might be noteworthy to your boss that Annie asked you when your wedding was?  I can’t believe- EVEN IF ANNIE HAS BEEN THERE LONGER– that they would be OK with that.  It’s blatantley (sp?) sabatoging (sp?) someone!

Post # 24
2087 posts
Buzzing bee

@NothingSaid:  Ok thats a totally different situation than what I gathered from your original post. 

If it were me, I would say that I have the email saying my time was approved and that because of that email non-refundable things were booked (even if they are refundable, I’d say that they weren’t) and so I expect that I should be allowed to take the time off that was already approved. I wouldn’t even mention “but its for my wedding/honeymoon!” or anything. I would say I am not willing to take a financial hit because they went back on what they said was approved. 

I have never in my life heard of a company operating in this way. I’ve heard of senior employees requests taking priority over your requests, but once your request was approved that should be it, end of story. 

Post # 25
794 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Sorry they are giving you a hard time.  Im quite the brat when it comes to vacation time.  I would be calling in sick.  I don’t work at a large corp or anything though.  I guess that is the beauty of working in a small business.

It really isn’t fair of them to approve your time off KNOWING you were making vacation plans and then threaten to take it away.  Definitely see if you can talk to someone and mention, that because it was initially approved you have already paid for everything.

Post # 26
1710 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Ugh that sucks that your time off was approved and that they can still take it back!!! I’d be so mad at Annie! Do your bosses know you already have things booked and paid for because you had been approved for the time off already? If so the company should have to reimburse you or something.

Post # 27
2837 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@NothingSaid:  Also, how the hell can a work place GIVE YOU TIME OFF- notify you that it’s OK, and then take that back– just because a senior person steps in.  Do they pay for your rescheduling fees for tickets if there are any?  Do they refund hotel nights if you have a non-refunable trip?  That doesn’t even make sense– literally.  It would piss me off so badly, that I doubt I could even work for a place like that because I’d end up getting fired or quitting.


Not if I asked for the time off and hadn’t been approved yet….and a person of seniority comes around and asks for the time off and then I don’t get approved….OK…as much as that would suck, at least I’d know the rules ahead of time.  But for them to approve time off and then unapprove– it’s inhumane in my eyes.

Post # 28
3081 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@NothingSaid:  Wow. That’s miserable. This Annie lady sounds like a biotch. So your time that was approved, is now no longer approved? That doesn’t seem right.

Post # 30
47203 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

These things have a way of working out.  Nothing has happened yet.

If you already had your vacation approved, and they cancel it then I would get HR involved.

In that case I would take the position that they are responsible for any expenses for plans made AFTER the vacation was approved. If you booked anything BEFORE  your vacation was approved, you really don’t have a leg to stand on.

I do suggest however, that if a manager asked you when you would be finished wedding planning, you may very well be letting it affect your work or they are just sick of hearing about it.

I would also talk with HR about formalizing the vacation request process.


Post # 31
230 posts
Helper bee

OK, let me weigh in with the perspective of a boss, because I am one.  First, it’s really stupid for your manager to approve leave and then revoke it. Technically, he/she probably can – it’s not illegal, and HR probably won’t do anything about it. HR is there to protect the company, not the employees. Since the manager hasn’t done anything illegal or against the rules, then there’s not much to gain from HR.

How you should handle this:

Ask your boss to revisit the policy of revoking leave when someone more senior asks. That’s terrible for morale and it means you can’t really plan anything. It’s a terrible and stupid policy.

Ask your boss, nicely, to allow you take this leave. If that means he revokes Anne’s leave, so be it. But tell him that this really means a lot to you.

Now, the second issue: if your bosses are asking whether you’re done with the planning yet, then one of two things is going on: they are either friendly/curious/making conversation, or it’s impacting your work and they notice. We bosses notice more than you probably think – so if you’re on the phone with vendors, checking WeddingBee at work, etc, they notice and they want it to stop. They’re telling you that. I suspect it’s this rather than the first option that they’re just being friend, since they’re BOTH doing it.

Also, this: “20 years ago, did your BOSS keep asking you WHEN you’d be done? What about HOW MUCH LONGER you had?” is rude and unprofessional. They’re asking you because it’s interfering with your work. Stop it. The appropriate response is “no, I’m not done. Why do you ask? is there something you’re concerned about?”

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