(Closed) My Coworker Scheduled Her Vacation on the SAME DAYS As Our Honeymoon/Wedding…

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 47
Member
344 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Um yeah, when my coworker asked me about my wedding/honeymoon dates, she was checking so she wouldn’t take time off during that time. Someone who asks but then intentionally books those dates for her own vacay is, in my book, a witch. Wow.

Post # 48
Member
692 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I could not work at a place where time off requests are approved and then selected dates are given to people with seniority. Annie is just taking advantage of her perks. She’s not your friend and her life doesn’t revolve around yours. It’s the policy that’s idiotic. I bet Annie had to deal with this back in the day when others trumped her requests. 

 

Post # 49
Member
5 posts
Newbee

 Print out all the emails. The ones from your boss saying those dates were available & the one’s from “Annie” asking about when you were requesting time off.

 Email Annie about what you’ve discovered and tell her you think it’s probably just a misunderstanding abour her vacation request since it was the same dates you told her you were in the process of requesting. Ask if maybe she meant to ask for the days off after or before yours that you requested for your wedding & someone misinterpreted her request. Basically pretend you think it’s just some silly error because you “know” she’d never delibertly put in a request during this milestone in your life. Emphasize that it’s all a silly mistake and how you hope to straighten it out. 

 

If she doesn’t reply or replies with something mean, then that’s when it could be considered harassment or pettiness. 

Bring those to your manager first and if that doesn’t get handled go to HR. If you have good rapport with your boss’ boss you could go to that person before HR but  AFTER you’ve tried to settle it yourself first with Annie and then your immediate boss.

I feel that if you handle yourself professionaly and calmly you should have no problems. I am concerned with how others have brought up their annoyance about your planning your wedding. That is personal and doesn’t have a place at work during work hours. You don’t know other people’s feelings about marriage or weddings & you could unknowingly be causing them torment and grief. Even though that’s their problem, you should be professional and respectful of those sensitive topics and quiet down the wedding talk. 

 

Of course this is just speculative on my part from what you’ve shared & you’ve asked for advice. I actually so know of a colleague who did in fact request her vacation during someone’s wedding request — but it was put to a stop because the request was out of malice and harassment. I hope you get this figured out! 

@NothingSaid:  

Post # 50
Member
178 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

@NothingSaid:  So let me understand this. Lets say 6 months before your wedding you book time off. Then a month before that time a senior member asks for the same time off and they just take yours away?

AND ther harassing you about wedding planning?

What kind of work is this? You should be looking for a new job.

Post # 51
Member
446 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@NothingSaid: I’m not sure to tell you what to do about it, but Annie a complete and utter bitch. What she did was intentional. 

Post # 52
Member
6524 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@NothingSaid:  i would be livid. judging from what she did, she is a miserable person and very spiteful!

A few things, let this be a lesson to you, don’t start booking vacations and such, until your vacation is official approved by your manager

Don’t speak to Annie again, ever. Be civil, but don’t go out of your way to speak to her. For ex: if she says hello/good morning, you say hello/good morning, thats it. ONE WORD ANSWERS

 

I am bitch, and if I were in your shoes I would speak with your managers about this and say that you had requested this time off before she did and that your vacation is already booked and that you will be leaving on X date and returning X date.

 

Post # 53
Member
784 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@NothingSaid:  I think you boss is giving you a not-so-subtle hint to knock it off with the wedding planning at work. 

Post # 54
Member
1678 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@NothingSaid:  ugh i just hate this. my company actually tried to say that i can’t take more than 5 consecutive days off, but finally allowed it…i needed thursday and friday before the wedding because the location is 2 hours away, and then honeymoon of course!

i hope that maybe she’ll come around. i can’t believe your bosses/superiors aren’t supporting you!

Post # 55
Member
3617 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2000

kaylaann on post #43:  this, it makes good sense.

OP, I hope you get this straightened out.

 

 

 

Post # 56
Member
2531 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I would look for a new place of employment.

They are harassing you, and if they keep harassing you after the wedding it’s most likely ilegal – you can’t harass someone based on their marital status in most states. That’s what they are basically doing to you.

I’d get EVERYTHING that was said/they’re saying to you now in writing and take it down to HR, with a “whatever, fuck them” attitude (rather than a “I don’t want to start trouble” attitude), because I’d also be planning on sending my resume out the SECOND I get back from that honeymoon!!!

And if HR asks you can say “I think I am being discriminated against because of my upcoming change in marital status,” and possibly mention the senority. But it’s really not about her being there longer than you – it’s about them disrespecting your life choices.

Sorry your coworker is such a bitch.

Hope things get better for you!

Post # 57
Member
3617 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2000

@CakeyP:  “harassment ” due to marriage status is illegal? I don’t think so. And that’s not what is going on here, even without reading between the lines.

Post # 58
Member
438 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@NothingSaid:  If you got an email stating you had the time off that should be the end of the conversation. Keep that email as proof in case they try to let you go for missing those days. 

I would be very wary of a company that has these sorts of practices regardless of senority. It should be first come, first serve as far as vacation times are concerned. Question yourself if it may be time for you to start looking for a new job.

Post # 59
Member
2531 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@FauxPas2012:  YES! It is in New Jersey!
http://www.state.nj.us/humanservices/providers/policies/NJStateHarassment_policy.pdf
You cannot harass someone in the workplace based on their marital status – single, widowed, divorced, married, etc.

Their asking demanding and demeaning questions about her wedding, refusing to approve her time for 3 months for no apparent reason, and possibly taking someone’s time over hers a month beforehand could be harassment for her marital status, ESPECIALLY if this kind of behaviour keeps up after the wedding or gets worse.
It’s the repeated questions about her wedding that are raising flags on this one.

We don’t have the whole story here, so if it’s possible her workplace has suddenly become a hostile environment for her JUST BECAUSE she’s planning a wedding, that (to me) signals that some form of harassment may be taking place.

If they are treating her differently only because she’s getting married, then yes – it’s harassment.

Post # 60
Member
438 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@FauxPas2012:  Harassment is a behavior that is repeatedly inflicted on a person with the intention to distrurb or upset. Even though marital status isn’t covered by law it is illegal to subject an individual to unneccesary stress and emotional diress due to an invasion of privacy that is continuously in the workplace.  

Post # 61
Member
277 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I would be asking why you both can’t have the time off, unless both of your absences will create a crisis then I can’t understand how it’d be an issue as this should be an exceptional circumstance.

I would just go straight to HR with the email that said you’d be approved. Make it clear that it is for a wedding/honeymoon and that you won’t be able to come into work (don’t make it sound like you are asking – tell them!). There may be a solution like you’ll have to go without paid vacation or use up sick days or something. Many companies have exceptions to the seniority rule for situations like this where you are having a wedding. 

If they can’t accomodate you then I’d look into taking a leave of absence over that time or just giving your notice and try to find a new job to start when you get back.

Just in comment to you saying how they asked you if you were done planning and being rude about it: If you happen to be planning on company time or talking about it on company time they likely find that a huge annoyance and are looking forward to you to stop wasting time, if you aren’t then that is something else I would raise to HR.

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