Post # 1
My father is not what I would consider Good People. He has a temper, a dangerous one, and I was on the receiving end of it one time too many. As a child, there is nothing harder to reconcile than the fact that your father is supposed to love you, and yet the displays of how he feels are very violent and intense and… well, the details don’t really matter, do they? My parents divorced 10 years ago and although my dad was abusive I’ve tried to rebuild our relationship. We don’t see each other except maybe once a year and talk every few months.
Long story short there was some drama about two months ago at a family event. I didn’t talk to my Dad for a month after until this Saturday when i tried to call him. He said he didn’t want to talk to me. He’s upset at me for something he did and that his dirty laundry that he was a terrible father is aired out for his family to see. I’m tired of this 80/20 relationship, he is never there and now this. So, I don’t want him in my life anymore and don’t want him at my wedding which is 4 months away. I’m going to have my brother walk me down the aisle. My question is what should I do with his family that is invited. I’ve already sent out save the dates to everyone. I don’t want to punish them for my Dad’s choices though and we are close (as close as a divorced families can be).
Post # 3
@jenlcollins21: I wouldn’t punish your father’s family for his short-comings. I am in a semi-similar situation with my mom. I dont want her, or my sister at my wedding, but I absolutely want all of my mom’s family there. They are all aware of my mother’s obnoxious and abusive behavior (even if no one talks about it – they’ve all had their issues with her – and there is a reason why none of them want to spend holidays with us!) and I dont think they would blame me for making this decision. Your wedding day is about your marriage- 100%. Only the people who support and love you should be there. The question you have to ask yourself is – in 10, 15, 20 years, will you be upset that you did not include your dad? and also – will your dad’s family start drama because of this?
Post # 4
Invite your family. They had nothing to do with your dad.
Post # 5
I think that it depends. Do they understand that you’re done with him and why? Also do you feel comfortable having them there and know they won’t cause trouble?
Post # 6
@jasonkatie2014: +1 Excellent points. His family probably all know that he is a jackass.
I also have a poor excuse for a father. I actually told him that he was not invited, and he was very upset and tried to blame me for our relationship. He was trying to manipulate me. 🙁 If me even knew when my birthday is (less than 2 weeks after his!) then he might have a leg to stand on.
Also, it infuriates me when he plays the proud papa. He has in no way earned that. Ugh! My father also does not like to own his actions. But it’s ok to want his family there, you can be gracious to them. You can keep them at arms length, or closer depending on what is comfortable for you.
Anyways, the main reason I didn’t invite him was that his presence agitates and upsets me, period. That is not how I want to feel on my wedding day. This might apply to you too.
Post # 7
@Fizzy8: I think all of those thoughts and feelings are warranted and valid. He sounds like he tries to get away with being very manipulative- and good for you for not letting him manipulate you! Stick to your guns – and maybe it will make him turn his act around (wishful thinking?????). Just keep remembering that if he is really this bad, you can’t be the only one who sees it.
Post # 8
I wouldnt punish your other family for your father choices. In the end it is totally up to you and your partner who is there are who isnt.
Personally my father didnt speak to me for 20 years, got back in touch with me for 1 year and then stopped speaking to me again because he ‘didnt think I liked him’ what a sook. There is no way that I would ever invite him to our wedding. But his sister and her daughters on the other hand I would really consider if we had enough numbers.
I think having your brother walk you down the isle is a great idea 🙂 my nan is going to walk me on behalf of my grandfather. I think it sounds really sweet.