(Closed) my dad doesn’t get it

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
4327 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

@mandypop:  Hopefully not all of those impulse invites will show up!

Post # 4
Member
282 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Do you really think that they will show up? That really is a tough situation. I hope that it all works out… Wish I had something more useful to say! (hugs!)

Post # 5
Member
5118 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Oh my goodness! Well, I’m glad your mom is backing you up on this, and that you filled him in on why it was not cool.

But there is light at the end of the tunnel- 1> don’t send them a formal invite if you didn’t extend the invite (if your dad is in charge of paying/hosting, well that may be a little trickier, but he should at least be required to track down addresses first) and 2> many people run late, miss, or skip the ceremony for various reasons, so even if these “surprise guests” do decide to come, there may well be space for everyone.

But I totally agree, your pops has to stop making so many friends! ๐Ÿ˜‰ 

Post # 6
Member
2605 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I’m so sorry that you are dealing with this. It’s sticky and stressful. 

At the end of the day, the only thing that matters is the oh holy budget. Who is paying for the wedding? You? If you are paying for the wedding, then you are fully within your right to march back to your dad and say, “Okay, it costs $x per head. You’ve invited 25 heads, so you need to shell out for $x x 25” (you don’t need to say it that combatitively, but you at least need to get it htrough his head that at the end of the day, the butts in the pew = $$$, so he cant’ just keep inviting people. 

You also need to sit down with Dad and explain that the space capacity issue is also a hard-and-true fact and while you admire his hospitality and respect the fact that he’s excited and wants to share the wedding with everyone, you don’t want to be in the position of having to disappoint people. 

 

Post # 7
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

dad needs to be smack about the head by mom – who invites random neighbors that have just moved in

stay firm and keep the message constant!  goodluck

Post # 9
Member
1319 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

Just don’t send the invite. Hopefully they’ll know, “Hey, my daughter’s getting married, you should come,” isn’t a legit invite. It’s not your responsibility to invite everyone your dad talks to. That’ll just look bad on him for throwing invites out there without considering the bride or venue capacity.

Unless he’s paying. Then that just sucks.

Post # 10
Member
873 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Did he just invite them verbally? Did he give exact details? Can you get away with just not sending them an invite?

Post # 12
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Weddings are, in large part, about setting boundaries and showing your families that you and your Fiance are a new family unit that have the right to make your own decisions that they have to respect. Stand firm!

Post # 13
Member
785 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

He’s probably just really excited for you and your upcoming wedding, however, this is not ok =/ I hope that he calms down and you can sit down and have an adult conversation with him soon.

Post # 16
Member
554 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Maybe you could explain to your dad that extra people aren’t just X amount of extra dinners/drinks, but also if you’re doing rentals for everything at each place setting, stationery for invites & place cards, favours etc.

And sometimes extra people with venue capacity means bumping up to bigger rooms for higher costs. My friend had her in-laws add nearly 20 extras less than 2mths before the wedding, they then had to change rooms at the hotel the recption was at, and of course the bigger room cost more money.

So yeah – maybe if you frame just how big it is to add extras to your list, it’s not just grabbing a couple of extra chairs to a dinner table, then he might understand better?

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