- 8 years ago
- Wedding: February 2013
Let me start off this post by saying that my fiance and I are planning on paying for the wedding entirely by ourselves, so my dad (thus far) has absolutely no financial input regarding our wedding plans. He has offered to pay — basically he went as far as to say that he/my mother EXPECT to pay (or at least contribute a large percentage) for the wedding. However, BECAUSE we want to maintain control of the planning decisions and overall vision of our wedding, my fiance and I have decided not to accept financial help UNLESS it comes tied to something in particular (ex. photography, officiant, venue, etc.). My fiance and I have also made this clear to my parents multiple times. Now, that said, let’s get to the meat of the issue:
SHORT VERSION: My fiance and I are planning on serving hors d’oeuvres and dessert only at our wedding (BUT there will be enough food to serve as a full meal, and our reception is planned to go from 2:30-5:30), and my dad hates the idea & thinks people won’t come. What can I say to him? Should I change the wording of our invitations? Would you come? (Just FYI, we’re not interested in comments about how our wedding will be “tacky” — thanks.)
My dad HATES a bunch of our wedding plans. He wants us to get married in the church I grew up going to, despite the fact that I am athiest — which he KNOWS — and that my fiance is an entirely different religion. He wants us to have our reception at a golf course country club, which is a nice enough place, but not what my fiance and I envision for our wedding, plus it’s difficult to get to and 90% of our guests are from out of town. He wants us to have an open bar and full plated meal and the whole shebang; we DO NOT have room in the budget for this, plus I don’t want to be paying for people to get sloppy drunk — which WILL happen if we have an open bar — not to mention that in the city I’m in, if you choose to serve a full plated meal, you have to choose one set menu for everybody (no “choose beef/pork/chicken” — it’s beef for EVERYONE, and screw it if they’re vegetarian/allergic to the sauce/etc.).
My fiance and I plan to have our ceremony in a (small) indoor amphitheatre, and then have the reception at a nearby art gallery (literally a 5 minute walk through an underground pedway — which my fiance and I thought was AWESOME, since our wedding will be in February in Canada). Both sites are in the heart of downtown (where a lot the hotels are — remember, we have a lot of Out of Town guests), easily-accessible by public transit, and there’s an underground parkade by the theatre (that is connected to the afore-mentioned pedway). For our reception, we want to do a cocktail-style reception to encourage mingling/reuniting — that way we can say hello to all our guests and chat and still get to taste our food!, and dancing isn’t the only acceptable activity). So we’re planning on having hors d’oeuvres, either passed or on tables around the room. That said, we’re going to have a TON of them — at least 15 per person, plus a dessert bar & wedding cupcakes — and the reception is letting out around 5:30-6:00 (so it’s technically not a dinner-time reception). We’re also planning on having a wine-tasting to be paired with the hors d’oeuvres, but people will then have to pay for their own drinks past that (cash bars are quite common where I’m from, so it shouldn’t be a huge shock). However, my dad is INSISTING that no one will come if the invitations say “hors d’oeuvres” — this on top of the fact that he’s disappointed we’re not getting married in a church, and frustrated that we’re not pouring booze down everyone’s throats.
Let me just head off any comments regarding whether I should/should not be having hors d’oeuvres only/a cash bar/etc. — my fiance and I have made our decision, and not without considering all sides of the issue and agonizing about the conclusion we came to. However, our venue’s prices for a buffet/plated dinner, as well as liquor, are astronomical, and they don’t allow outside catering. Plus, we LIKE the compromise we’ve come to — we like the atmosphere this type of reception will create, and we like the price. So we’re not interested in hearing about how what we’re doing is tacky/causing Emily Post to roll over in her grave/not what you would do. (I’m sure you’re all well-meaning, but there’s just no point to go into it.)
Does anyone have any ideas what I can say to my dad? Or, alternatively, what to say on the invitations? (One variation I came up with was to put “cocktail reception to follow”, instead of specifying hors d’oeuvres only. Of course, on our wedding website I’ll go into more detail, and I won’t lie to people if they call, but I don’t want people to assume that we’re not going to feed them — we’re providing more than enough food, it’s just in convenient (and budget-friendly) bite-sized form!