(Closed) My dad is being so difficult and we arent even engaged yet!-long post

posted 9 years ago in Family
Post # 3
375 posts
Helper bee

Could it be that your dad is making (bad) jokes? I’ve had friends whose father’s picked on them and joked about not getting married until x age or whatever but didn’t really mean it and were pleased as punch when their little girl did get engaged and married.

If he’s not joking, you have two options: do what you want and accept that he might be grumpy about it (and may not want to contribute to wedding expenses, if that’s an issue for you) or sit down and talk to him and see what’s going on in his head.

Good luck, either way 🙂

Post # 4
656 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I think your dad could possibly sad that he’d be “losing his little girl.” I don’t know how your dad is, but if mine was pouting like that, it would be for that reason. Maybe you could talk to your dad one-on-one and see what’s going on with him..it may not be what you think!

Post # 5
303 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I agree with SecretBee23. He just doesn’t want to see you grow up. If he brings it up again ask him why doesn’t he want you to get married? Make light out of it because it doesn’t seem like it will be a big deal. Or ask your mom what she thinks but I wouldn’t be overly concerned.

Post # 7
1451 posts
Bumble bee

I agree he’s probably sad he is losing his children.  I’m in a similar situation.  I’m an only child and have been Daddy’s girl.  Ever since he knew that SO and I were serious, he’s had a hard time.  Now don’t get me wrong my dad loves SO, but he’s had a really hard time with things like all of a sudden he’s having to share me on holidays.  It has led to a couple of serious arguments.  One thing I’ve made sure to do as we’ve gotten more serious is to make sure he understands this is the way we are heading.  I think now he’s got a pretty good idea.  The absolute last thing I want to do is surprise him with an engagement he’s not expecting.  Neither of us know (Dad or me) exactly when its going to happen, but at least he knows it probably will at some point. 

Post # 8
42 posts

I’m also in a similar situation..and actually from both my mom and my dad (mom’s worse).
My dad thinks it’s too early.

I am 27…so…4 years older than you…I graduated when I was 23. worked for a year. saved up enough money and went back to school for a graduate degree..now that lasted longer than I wanted to and I am still trying to finish my thesis..I’m expecting be done by next March and get a job. all the while I am doing part time and my fiance’s working full time to save up for the wedding.

yet my father said it’s too early, he wants to know that i’m financially stable (meaning I have a job and everything and not just fresh out of school).

my mother, on the other hand, just doesn’t seem to like my fiance much. she never spent much time with him (both my parents live in another country) and when she had the chance, she shuts the door and does not talk to him. she thinks he’s “too nice” as if he has some other reasons for being with me. he’s a year younger than me and she thinks he’s gonna cheat because he’s younger.

then just a few days ago when we talked about the wedding over the phone again, she says “if you love me, i want you to wait till you’re done school, wait till you’ve found a job, wait till you’ve worked in your new job for a year, and wait till you’ve expanded your world and changed your perspectives before you make this decision”

i asked her to reconsider as I will love her regardless of what decisions I make about my life and my love for her is not a bargaining chip.

she then tells me that if i marry him, it’ll be the biggest regret of her entire life.

i had to tell her that i hope she would calm down and again reconsider, because that request will not make our relationship better, in fact no one would win in this situation, no matter what i do.


so yeah. you’re totally not alone. and I’m glad that I’m not alone..

Post # 10
42 posts

View original reply
@BrittMike12: I totally and completely agree with your last paragraph. It comes to a point where parents need to learn that their kids have grown up too…it just takes them a long time since they’ve always thought of their kids as kids for 20+ years.
PM whenever too! I’m semi-new to weddingbee but I’m here (and will likely be here a lot haha, it’s an awesome board 😀 )

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