(Closed) My dad is not happy for me ?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
529 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@ambereyez:  Oh wow, I’m so sorry your going through this with him! It sounds like, apart from the engagemen, you two have been close and it sucks that something like this, which should be a really happy moment in your life is overshadowed by him being upset. Has he ever met your FI? Do they like each other? Maybe you could plan an activity for the three of you to get to know each other better?

Post # 5
Member
3772 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’m so sorry. I’m kind of dealing with the same thing and its tough. I’ve always looked to my Dad for approval and it SUCKS not having that “I’m so proud and happy for you” attitude. He just keeps saying that I’m his little girl and that he worries for me. 

Maybe in a way your Dad, like mine is just worried and only wants the best for you.  and in his eyes.. noone will ever be worthy for you.

Post # 7
Member
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Well, he’s your dad and you have been his little girl alot longer than you have been someone’s fiance. He may just be sad and have trouble adjusting, is masking his feelings with semi snarky comments, is worried you are replacing him as the main man in our ife, etc etc. I think if you give him time he will come around and be excited for you. It takes some people alot longer to adjust to change. He may not be able to step back rationally and just be strong for you if it’s an emotional time for him too.

 

Post # 8
Member
3772 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@ambereyez:  AMEN sister… It sounds like we have VERY similar Dads… I wish I had advice for you. lol So I will be stalking this thread for what others say

Post # 11
Member
349 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I am 52 and had the exact same Dad.  He loved me, but could never let me go or trust that I was all grown up and could make decisions without him. This included my selection of colleges, my career, my relationships, my…. you get the point.

Even when I got divorced at 46, he didn’t trust a single decision I made.  He didn’t support the separation, the divorce, or my re-marriage to a man who OBVIOUSLY has changed my whole world for the better. He eventually came around, but it wasn’t without a lot of hurt feelings between us both.  He died only a few years after he came to terms with it all, wasting a lot of happy times we could have had together.

I will give you the same advice my therapist gave me.  You can’t control how other people feel or what other people do or say.  You can only control what you do and say.  It is really sad for both of you that your Dad can’t let go.  Sadly, you can’t change that. 

You also can’t change the fact that you are hurt.  You can (if you want) simply tell him that.  Tell him that you feel very hurt that he can’t seem to be happy during a time in your life when you would like him to share your joy.  Tell him you want him to be happy, but if he can’t – at least you expressed your desire for his support.  What he does with that information, is sadly up to him.

But try to remember that he does love you very much.  Just make sure you tell him how much you love him and how much you hope he can find happiness in your happiness.

 

 

 

Post # 12
Member
1158 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I noticed you mentioned ups and downs.Have you and your fiance had a fight or broke up and you shared it with your parents?Maybe your dad is harboring resentment towards him for that reason.My dad is protective too,but he knows good men are far and few between.Give him time.He will come around.

Post # 15
Member
1697 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I just wanted to say I feel your pain. I was heartbroken when my dad wasnt happy for me. He did come around though, and by that I mean he avoided my calls for months and is now finally realizing that I am indeed getting married and is just going with the flow. 

Post # 16
Member
4606 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I can relate, only it’s my mother that isn’t thrilled. She was angry when she found out I was engaged and has managed to say any negative thing about my FH since we first started dating. The ONLY positive thing she’s ever said about him is that he works hard, but then she turns around and says that he’s lazy because he didn’t help me clean out my car? She’s never been interested in meeting his parents either, so I guess that will happen the day we get married. My mom also likes to find guys that she apporoves of, despite the fact that I’ve been engaged for almost two years and been with FH for 3.

I don’t really have any words of encouragement, but sometimes it’s nice to know that you’re not the only one going through things like this.

 

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