(Closed) My Dad is not my dad?

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
6351 posts
Bee Keeper

@ShandaK: what is your mother’s reasoning for not telling you? Does she think this man is dangerous?

ETA: I’m so sorry you are going through this 🙁

Post # 4
Member
3620 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Wow, that’s crazy! I agree, it’s strange for him to ask this after paying child support for all this time, but your mother’s reaction is very odd… maybe she’s shocked because she  believed him to be your father?

Post # 5
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@ShandaK: Wow. Do you have any idea why after all these years your “dad” wanted a DNA test?

Had you had a lot of contact with him prior to this request?

I guess I can see a little why your mom would be upset that you did this without telling her, but now that the truth is known she should let you know who your dad is (if she knows).

 

Post # 6
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

@ShandaK: Wow. This is a lot to go through. I think you should just give your mom a little time. She might just feel embarassed by the situation. She will also have to pay back the child support if he takes her to court.

Post # 7
Member
274 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Holy cow!  I’m really sorry you are having to deal with that.  **warm hugs**

Maybe your mother feels like you went behind her back?  Maybe she has ill feelings towards your real father?  It’s definitely not ok you’ve been lied to all along.  Maybe with a little time she will come around?

Post # 8
Member
130 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@ShandaK: I agree with SoontobeMrsA – what is her reasoning?  I’m sorry she was mad at you but was she at least surpised to find this out?  

Post # 10
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@ShandaK: Is there any way you can get you birth certificate? Is your real father’s name on it?

Maybe you could approach it from the view that you want to know your biological father so you can have a complete medical history. You’ll want to know that if/when you decide to have a family of your own.

Post # 13
Member
2512 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

WOW I am really sorry that you are going through this.

I think that it may be a huge shock to your mom right now. Hopefully after a little time, she will come around and tell you.

Hopefully everything works out for you.

Post # 14
Member
968 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Oh goodness, that is some news. I can’t even imagine ho you feel. I agree your mom could be feeling very embarrassed and ashamed, whether she knew from the beginning he wasn’t your father or not. I hope you’re able to get the information you need from her. Good luck!

Post # 15
Member
749 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

This sounds complicated. I’m sorry you have to deal with this. Have you thought of approaching it with your mom from the family medical history view? Just let her know that you would like to know of any other possible men who could be your father so that you have your family medical history. Good luck

Post # 16
Member
1729 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I think your mom is upset, maybe because she’d taken it for granted for so long and maybe there is something in her past she’d thought would remain buried, was sashmed of, or maybe she just honeslty put herself in a situation where she doesn’t know who cold be your father.  Geez, I’m sorry you found this out like this, and that she’s not helping.

I guess in one way it’s good to know now instead of even later in life should your kids need some sort of medical help tht can only come from a blood relative, and have you find out that way with all the other stres that’d be involved.  I will say this, even thought I know it’s hard to accept:  Family is who you love, regardless of much DNA you do or don’t share with them  I am realted to several people I didn’t meet till I was almost out of high schol – people who have ignored my my whole life til then, treted me like crap for 4 years after meeting me because I had the tenacity to be the only mom-drug abusing honor student in the family, and when my (unfortunetly biolgically related) a$$hole father kicked me out at 19, they all took his side and I haven’t spoken to any of them in 15 years now.  BUT, I have friends I’ve known almost 15-16 years who have been my ‘family’, and my BF’s family, thought it pains me we’re not married, have been there for me above and beyond what any biological family has done for me.

So, if you are close to any of the Potential if Improbable Sperm Donor’s children or other relatives, you’re still their family, regardless of what genes you are carrying around.

 

**Sorry for all the typos – hands not behaving at all today.**

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