Post # 1
Member
647 posts
Busy bee
Over a freaking cake! I went and ordered my cake and pulled the trigger to do a naked cake. FI doesn’t like frosting, I hate fondant and it’s something that I really do love. It’s different, it’s understated and it’s me. I sent the inspiration photo to my dad because I was so excited and he sends back “If that’s what you want, that’s all that matters…” (keep in mind he was sending me photos of gigantic ornate bollywood inspired cakes, no one in my family is Indian and my wedding is as far away from bollywood themed as you can get). Today he tells me that he’ll just make the cake if that’s what I really want because he doesn’t think we should waste money on it. Seriously? It was $215, delivery included. That price is worth it alone to me to not have to worry about whether or not the cake will make the nearly 2 hour drive to my venue. Then he said we need to cover it in flowers to get rid of the “pancake effect” – umm I like the way the cake looked that’s why I picked it. He’s also concerned that everything else will overshadow the cake and I’ll have to tone down all other decor because the cake is so understated. No, that cake is in a totally separate room on it’s own! In all honesty the cake is not the focal point of my wedding and I’m sure I’ve been to weddings with beautiful cakes but remember none of them, my cake will stand out on it’s own because it’s unique. He thinks I’ll regret it later and that everyone will remember the cake as being half finished.
UGGGGGHHHHHH I just wanted to vent.
Post # 3
Member
838 posts
Busy bee
Why don’t you just pay for the cake (i’m under the impression that dad is paying for it so that’s why he’s giving an opinion)
Post # 4
Member
2188 posts
Buzzing bee
Do you have a picture of the naked cake inspiration that you could post? I’m just curious, I’ve never seen one. Is it just a cake with no frosting at all?
I’d say let this roll of you, it’s your cake and your wedding, your dad will get over it.
Post # 5
Member
45540 posts
Honey Beekeeper
If you sent the photo to him, it’s a little unrealistic to expect that he won’t respond with an opinion, or that his opinion will agree with yours.
It’s no surprise to me that someone from a different generation feels that a more traditional wedding cake would be preferable. Your parents probably had similar disagreements with their parents as they were planning their wedding. Most families get past it.
You can’t control his opinion. You can control your reponse. “Thanks Dad for the input/suggestion, but the decision has already been made.”
If you want to offer a compromise, ask the baker to provide a container of frosting, so the traditional minded can add some. ( I always think the cupcake places should sell little tubs of frosting on its’ own, as that is the only part of the cupcake I’m interested in eating.)
Post # 6
Member
1467 posts
Bumble bee
@chouette: Really??? Sorry about that! Dad should be supportive! And kudos to you for DOING WHAT YOU WANT AT YOUR WEDDING!
Post # 7
Member
647 posts
Busy bee
@DJones69: FMIL is paying for the cake, he’s paying for a few things here and there but financially my family can’t really contribute too much.
@julies1949: That’s the thing! I’ve TOLD him for months this is what I think I wanted and he hasn’t voiced any opinions. It’s only when I told him that the cake has been paid for that it’s a big deal. I don’t get it.
@Bazinga: 
@nawella: Thank you, it’s just hard to hear someone basically tell you that you’ll regret it.
I don’t really understand why this is such a HUGE deal to him, my dad is relatively young and very open-minded (he’s not even 50 yet), my parents didn’t really have a large wedding with a big cake and all that fun stuff but FI’s parents did and his mother is very supportive. My mother is very supportive but he just refuses to let it go, it’s like this cake has just set the course for my entire reception which is so confusing to me since the cake is such a minor part of me getting married.
Post # 8
Member
838 posts
Busy bee
@chouette: When you show someone something, you HAVE to know that they’re going to have an opinion and some people may give you their opinion or choose to tell people they’re opinion when you’re out of earshot. When you don’t want anyone’s opinion of your choices, take that power away from them. Don’t show them. Don’t discuss it, but I’m sure your dad feels like he can tell his daughter what he’s thinking. He doesn’t like it and would prefer something more traditional.
Post # 9
Member
942 posts
Busy bee
what’s a naked cake look like? I’d just pay the 200 out of pocket and leave them out of it!
Post # 10
Member
2188 posts
Buzzing bee
@chouette: WOW those are really pretty and not at all what I was expecting! I think you made the choice that was right for you and FI and your dad needs to deal with it since it’s not his money.
Post # 11
Member
647 posts
Busy bee
I guess what is upsetting to me is that he’s seen photos of cake inspriations that I wanted (including naked) and never said anything. I only showed him the photo because he’s very sensitive about not being involved in my life and people keeping things hidden from him, so if I didn’t show it to him I would have kept him out of the loop and he would have freaked out about his family keeping secrets.
I agree that he’s entitled to his own opinion but I’m not kidding when I say that he refused to stop complaining and badgering me about how awful the cake is going to look for close to an hour. I told him several times it’s what I like and he just wouldn’t stop. I feel that saying we needed to get rid of the “pancake effect” was increadibly rude and obviously intended to hurt me and the whole style I was going for not to mention telling me that he’s just trying to prevent me from regretting it since it will be something I regret. It would be ok if he had said “you know, I don’t like it and I think that it will take some work to make it fit in but if that’s what you want then ok, that’s what we’ll do” but that’s not what he did.
Post # 12
Member
1467 posts
Bumble bee
@chouette: You know, upon seeing this, I am kind of considering it… and by that I mean getting a naked cake
Post # 13
Member
2952 posts
Sugar bee
@chouette: I love naked cakes they look amazing:) if I were you I’d just pay for the cake myself its so not worth the drama. Just tell your dad someone is making it for you.
Post # 14
Member
2302 posts
Buzzing bee
Um, he’ snot paying for it so why the hell does he get a say? He doesnt. If it was my father I’d tel him to kiss off, but then again I dont like my father…
Post # 15
Member
2963 posts
Sugar bee
Those are pretty. When you first said naked cake, I was like say what? Why not have a lovely decorated cake and scrape the icing off like the rest of us?People expect a big beautiful cake at weddings – they are typically what I look at first when I enter the reception area. Your Dad is probably upset that the cake will not be special enough. But those are pretty. I agree, just buy the cake yourselves.
Post # 16
Member
1165 posts
Bumble bee
@chouette: I just searched for these on pinterest, and I think if you do the right cake colour/icing combo, it’s a great look!! (http://pinterest.com/pin/8655424256862705/).
Keep in mind you can’t please everyone. My sister got married in 2011 and she still hears to this day from my parents that getting chair covers was a waste of $300. My sister and her husband were paying for the wedding entirely, and were both happy with the chair covers, and at the end of the day that’s all that matters!!
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