My dad is trying to undermine my marriage.

posted 6 months ago in Married Life
Post # 2
Member
130 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I know your dad is a POS for doing this. But if this really is the last time you will see your grandma alive, I would ask that your husband stays at the house. I know you don’t want to let your dad “win” this argument, but you would feel terrible (and your husband would too) if you didn’t get to say goodbye to your grandma. After that I would just ignore your father for the most part. 

Post # 3
Member
600 posts
Busy bee

Your father sounds like a pretty horrible person. If I were you I’d go alone to see your grandma. Not for his sake, forget about him! But for your sake and for hers. Then I’d ignore your father. Or preferably cut all ties with him, but I’m guessing for the sake of being able to have contact with your mother that might be kind of hard to do. But honestly? Put yourself and your grandma first. Otherwise he’ll really win.

Post # 4
Member
4841 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

Is there any way u guys could pay him back the downpayment and get him out of your lives, once and for all? He’s a horrible manipulative person. Keep him far from your lives and tell him to shove his inheritance. Make your own money and keep away from him. 

Post # 5
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2020

I might go alone, hug nana and tell her how much you love her and you’re sorry her son has made it impossible for you to spend time with her. Completely ignore him and leave after telling nana goodbye. Hopefully you will still have calls with nana after that or perhaps can visit her on your next trip to her home country if possible. Then continue not responding to her son untl he can be an adult.

I am so proud that you stand beside your husband and don’t let anyone bully you into treating him poorly. I’ve seen crazy posts where people are so concerned about what their family thinks that they treat their spouse, who has done nothing wrong, like garbage and that’s crazy to me!

 

Post # 6
Member
581 posts
Busy bee

That’s horrible. I can’t believe your dad is so hostile. Is it a cultural issue? Like would he approve if your husband was from your family’s home country? 

I also think you should go alone and see your Nana, but after that don’t talk to your dad. 

Post # 8
Member
61 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2006 - UK

joongielove :  aaww hugs hun. Not good when husband and dad dn get on.  I think your doing right in making your married the important relationship in this situation. Just leave your dad to be a moaning old goat and fingers crossed he will come around with time.  Defo go see your nana one way or another. Again hugs and stay strong xxx

Post # 9
Member
960 posts
Busy bee

joongielove :  this whole issue sounds like what a borderline parent would do to their child. Sorry that your dad makes life difficult for you. Perhaps just call your nana on WhatsApp or something, do a video chat with her and your husband? Maybe plan a trip to visit her a bit later on?

Does inheritance matter a lot to you? Your father obviously thinls he could control you with money. Which sucks. My mother does the same. I chose not to be controlled or be guilt-tripped by her.

Hang in there, bee!

Post # 10
Member
796 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2016

You sound really strong and determined which is impressive and awesome. Your life sounds busy and successful. Do you have a close relationship with your grandmother? Would your father ever physically prevent you from walking in, saying bye to your grandmother, and leaving immediately after? That sounds like the best choice, but, if it feels like too much, that’s understandable. You can always communicate with your grandmother again even if it isn’t in person. 

How is your husband holding up to all of this? I like the idea of paying back your father when you are able as a way of making a clean break from him. I’m sorry you have to deal with all of this, but it sounds like you are doing a really good job.

Post # 11
Member
948 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

I am so in aww of you!!! Not many women in your culture would stand up to their father like you do. You are one tough cookie. For you to stand next to your husband like that is amazing. There was a bee on here awhile ago, I hope she reads this it may help her. Her father actually went with her and her husband down to the courthouse and made sure she didn’t change her name and you know what she didn’t do it because her father didn’t want her to. She could learn alot from you. Keep standing your ground. Obviouosly your father is divorced for a reason he is a very manipulitive and controlling man and like you said he does it to everyone so you know it’s not you. Keep us posted and keep standing up for yourself and your husband. 

Post # 13
Member
1891 posts
Buzzing bee

joongielove :  I am glad it seems to have worked out to see your Nana. And you deserve lots of applause for cutting off your dad. His behavior is unacceptable and toxic. I really hope you do completely cut him out of your life and move forward. And how awesome is it, that you are taking steps to change the norm for your culture. To say, I am an individual and i won’t be controlled or manipulated or guilted into a crappy life. Shitty treatment in the name of culture is something we all should stand up to and it takes courage. 

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