- 6 months ago
Hello Bees! Here goes nothing.
I’ve been with my husband for just shy of 6 years now. We got married back in September of this year (yay!!!), after 5 years of being together. Our relationship has evolved with us, as I was 22 when we met and trying to figure out my self and my life. He’s an awesome guy, but he has his faults, just like any of us. Our relationship has had its moments, but we’re stronger for it now.
Heres where the going gets interesting. My dad has never approved of any of my significant others. He never really said much, but I guess that’s because we both knew the previous ones weren’t going anywhere. Since I’ve been with my husband, my dad has vehemently voiced his opinions. My husband treats me right, treats our friends and family like his own, and gets along with everyone. He also has a steady 9-5 job, and he does his part around the house and in taking care of our little furry family. He makes sure to remember my moms birthday every year, as well as getting her gifts and flowers for special occasions. (Mothers day, birthday, christmas, etc.) My mom lives in the next town over. My dad lives overseas.
One day I get a call. It’s my dad, at the airport. He says he’ll be here in 12 hours at my house. I live in a condo with my husband, and my dad did help with some of the down payment. So ok, commence rushing around to get the guest bed/bathroom ready on such short notice. He comes and stays for 3 months. All while finding little things to complain about, such as us doing laundry at midnight, and torturing him by turning the thermostat down three degrees.
While he’s here, he’s doing things like finding dresses on David’s Bridal, or trying to set up fireworks for my venue without asking me first. He even tried to dictate the flowers and the decor. I put a hard stop to those. Wedding comes, wedding goes. He acts normal.
Once he left, after staying for 3.5months, he sends me an email. (Again, overseas.) with a list of grievances of everything me and my now-husband did wrong in his opinion before, during, and after the wedding. Such as: there weren’t enough flower petals on the aisle, I didn’t agree to fireworks, I had him pay for the string quartet he wanted, my husband was torturing him by changing the temperature, my husband purposely put the dryer on extra dry just so it would run for 3 hours and disturb his sleep. Along with he thinks my husband is brainwashing me and convincing me not to keep in touch with my father.
My father also had an issue with me changing my name. I tossed and turned on this decision before the wedding, and finally decided to change it for the sole fact that when we do become a family with children, I’d like all of us to have the same last name. Then I remembered my passport was expiring in June. So I mentioned casually I was going to change it. To which he threatened to write me out of the will if I changed it, guilting me that my last name would end with me, etc. Needless to say, that lit the fire under my a**. I still changed it.
My nana (his mother) has been visiting for the last 2 months. And I haven’t seen her often at all. Why? Because she lives with him. And for my mental well being, I can’t do it. The first day she got here, we went to pick her up together. (My dad and I) The next day I went over for lunch. The day after, I called them to check in on them. At which point he accused me of not cooking for them yet. I had clinicals the next day, and work the following. That Saturday, I called them to check up. When I was informed that I am a bad daughter because I didn’t check up on them enough and he could be ‘dead on the kitchen floor and I wouldn’t know because I don’t call.’At that time, I was working 2 days a week, doing clinicals 3 days a week and going to school for my masters. I go over the following Tuesday where I am told that “I should’ve gotten remarried and had another kid to give the inheritance to them” because “you don’t listen to me or care about me.” Fine. If cutting me out of your will will prevent this headache, so be it. This leads to an argument about money, because thats all he ever talks about. I leave, because I just can’t anymore. I cut off ties, because mentally, I’m beat. There is nothing left in the reserve when everything turns into a fight and it’s just a blame game where I’m the bad guy.
Now that brings us to today. I was told on Friday that they’re leaving to go home either Monday or Tuesday, and that he wants me to say bye to my nana, because she won’t be coming to the states again. I totally get it. She’s 85, the flight isn’t easy for me, much less for her. I said ok. I asked my mom to pick her up, and the three ladies will all go out to lunch together. He said “No. She wants to stay home. She told me.” I said ok, I’ll compromise. I have absolutely zero desire to see him. My will to see her is overshadowed by my overwhelming will not to see her son. I’ll go over Thursday with my husband, bring dinner and desserts, and hang out. To which my dad responds (through my mom) that I need to come by myself or not at all. I said “Well, he needs to accept that this is my husband and that this is the most pivotal relationship right now, and I’m hell bent on making it work. I am a child of divorce. My mom is remarried, and my dad is not. I am determined not to make the same mistakes and travel down that path. I will not base my marriages on lies and deceit. If he can’t accept me and my husband as a unit, then he’s not going to see me.
I told my mom today that I can come in the AM before they go to the airport, but it will be with my husband. And she transmitted the message to my dad who said “Have her come by herself. If she comes with him, I’m not letting either one of them in the house.” So I guess I’m not seeing either one of them. Just trying to get over the big guilt trip he’s trying to lay on me by saying “This is her last trip to the US. If you don’t see her now, you may not ever see her again.” I think my dad is secretly hoping I get divorced.
So in conclusion, blood is not the end all be all.