(Closed) My Dad just asked my husband and I for a loan…

posted 3 years ago in Finances
Post # 2
2134 posts
Buzzing bee

Nope. Nope. Nope.

Never loan money to family. It causes stress and burns bridges.


Post # 3
1188 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

Well, it’s not a “loan”; you know it won’t be repaid.  I think if you do give him money, it should be just once, otherwise you’re enabling him rather than supporting him to take control of his life.  What will the $1000 be for?  Just random living expenses?  I’d write a check to the landlord or utiliity company or whatever he needs.  I would not give someone that careless with money just a wad of cash.

Post # 4
423 posts
Helper bee

“Listen, if you want to borrow money, its kind of a bad time. I’m buying dinner for 128 people tomorrow night” -Chandler Bing

Obviously since youre already married, you can change the wording a little bit. The point is to channel your inner Chandler 🙂 Seriously though, loans and family is almost always a bad idea. 

Post # 5
225 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: City, State

Perhaps return him the money he gave you for your wedding? 

Treat it as though you were safe-guarding it for him but be firm that that’s all he will get.

Post # 6
6788 posts
Busy Beekeeper

stokesto :  Also asking if he specified what the money is for? If it’s for rent can you pay it directly to his landlord?

How much did he give you for your wedding? It sounds as if perhaps he wasn’t really in a position to contribute. If you do give him (loaning sounds like the wrong term here) the $1,000 can you make it clear that it’s a one-time deal?

Post # 7
79 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

I wouldn’t, just because you and your husband aren’t in a position to give money away with your debt and no savings. What’s his long term plans to become more financially stable and where is he going to live? Just a few questions so that you are aware that he may ask you for more money next month or few. However, PP had a good suggestion to write a cheque to a utility company. Also your husband says he doesn’t mind but I wouldn’t want that driving a wedge between us. 

Post # 9
10019 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

If you’re a believer pray about this.  If you decide to give him the money then give him the money as a gift, not a loan, because there is a 99.9% chance he’ll never repay you.  In your case I probably wouldn’t give him the money just because of your past toxic history with him.  Also, only give him what you can afford to lose, otherwise it would be foolish.

Keep us posted on what you decide.

Post # 10
721 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

stokesto :  Since you have no savings, if you were to end up with an emergency (car breaks down, someone gets sick, etc.) how would you handle it if you gave your dad the money?

If you’d be able to figure it out and it wouldn’t put you in a really bad situation then I might do it if I were you because it’s your dad, but I would not expect to be paid back. 

Think of it like a gift. Can you afford to gift him $1K right now? If so do it, if not then don’t.

Some other solutions: Does he own anything he can sell? Can he at least commit to a part time job?

Also, if he doesn’t work and he doesn’t have another windfall coming, what does he plan to do once your $1K is spent?

Post # 11
3541 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

I would give back the money he gave you for the wedding, and call it even.

Post # 12
10876 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

stokesto :  

I’m really concerned that you don’t have any savings.  And your dad’s money problems are chronic and long term.  One bail out isn’t going to solve anything.

If you and your Dh don’t have six months worth of expenses saved up, you, frankly cannot afford to give away $1000.  And you have debt on top of that?  I would say you really aren’t doing all right, even though you are making ends meet.

Are there any social service agencies that could help your father, long term?  Is he eligible for social security?  Does he have emotional problems?  Churches?  Community organizations?

I’m sorry, Bee.  But, I can’t see how you are in a financial position to help him.  That said, if you really feel that you must give him $1000, I agree with the PPs–pay it directly to the landlord, utility company or whatever as a one time only event.  Then I would research local resources that may be able to help your dad.  Ultimately, it’s his choice.

Post # 13
9595 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

I would give him back whatever he sent you for the wedding. He clearly cant afford to help with that.

Post # 14
2108 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Honestly I wouldn’t look at this as a loan or a gift but repaying him the money he sent you. If you knew he was unemployed and terrible with money I never would have accepted that money from him. So I’d give it back to him with that caveat. 

Post # 15
1011 posts
Bumble bee

You guys need to work on building your financial base together before you can help others and as it stands you have no savings and therefore no cushion should some shit hit the fan.  Then both you and pops will have financial woes.  It’s tough to say no, but in the long run you’ll be more helpful to your father if you build that financial base.

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