(Closed) My Dad just asked my husband and I for a loan…

posted 5 years ago in Finances
Post # 61
325 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Nope. My FI’s dad has asked him for money on three different occasions.

The first one – oh god – 20k euros to open a business of some sort (just like your dad, he’s had lots of endevours throughout his life without success). My Fiance at the time took a loan to give his father the money. He didn’t have savings but didn’t have debt. Anyways, he spent the next 2 years paying off the loan. (Mind you, this was before I was in the picture, at the time he was with his exGF and she did not like this one bit). Fast forward a few years and he asks again, this time for a smaller amount, around 5k. I was FI’s Girlfriend at the time, so I didn’t really say anything, didn’t feel like it was my place. This time he said he needed the money to pay off bills because – surprise – his business wasn’t going well. So Fiance gave him the money. Fast forward to this year, July, and yet again, he asks Fiance for money, around 8k, because he and Future Mother-In-Law had a vacation trip planned to europe and didn’t want to cancel the trip since they had already made some deposits and had the plane tickets, and that business hasn’t been good for some time. He KNOWs we’re getting married and moving soon (even though my dad’s paying for almost everything), but anyways we aren’t in a position to spend our savings. This time around I told him this was absurd and disrespectful and that I would NOT stand by him if he have his father money. We ended up going to counselling over this matter, but I stood my ground. Thankfully he did NOT give Future Father-In-Law the money this time and they just got it from someone else (I DGAF who, lol). 

Anyways, this turned out more like a ramble of my own, lol. Sorry. What I meant to say is they’ll always ask if you give, it becomes this vicious cycle, and he’ll never pay you back. 

Just like my Future Father-In-Law needs to get a job ASAP, so does your dad, bee. 

Post # 62
645 posts
Busy bee

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stokesto :  I would actually tell him that it is a loan (while you can consider it a gift yourself), and tell him that this is it, no more money until you return this one. I think it is more of a safety measure in case he ask for another loan in the future. This is also a safety net for your guilt, because you are working under a clear rules that both you and him know. 

Also, can you guve him like 500 now and 500 after December/when your loan is done? That way it is not too hard on your finance.

I do agree with others to offer to pay it directly to a landlord, utilities, or buy groceries. 

Post # 63
928 posts
Busy bee

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jjbean :  I would be on team yes if she had money.  They’ve got $0 in savings.  If something bad happens to them, she’ll have to take on more debt and then the cycle never ends.

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