Post # 1
Girls, I am at a loss for words. I didn’t have a big relationship with my father. He was not around most of my life. We did reunite and try to work things out/get to know each other better. Unfortunately, our time to do so was cut short.
I came home from work and saw a message from my Gmom on FB that my dad was in the hospital for cardiac arrest and was in a coma. I received another message within 10 minutes that he died. I’m just in shock right now not knowing how to feel. Like my mom said, he’s my father and is a part of me. I just wish he didn’t die alone and feel the way that he did. He felt very secluded from the family because of a particular situation. I just can’t believe that I’ll never hear from him again.
(I wrote this post this morning, but didn’t come on to the boards until now)
My mom messaged me not too long ago telling me that there are some things coming forward now and she’ll talk to me later about it. Of course I wanted to know right away because I can’t sit still knowing there’s something hidden from me. She gave in and told me that my aunt told her that there was a girl at my uncle’s (my father’s brother) funeral in May that most of my family members thought looked like me. My cousin is the first one who pointed it out asking “who is that girl? She looks like Desi.” Everyone was in shock. Part of me really believes that this is a possibility knowing my father, but of course I’m not one to believe anything until I see it.
My head is really spinning now. I always wanted a little sister because I have four younger brothers and boy cousins; making me the only girl. To know that this is a possibility is a whirlwind. If it came out to be true, I’m sure there wouldn’t be a relationship between us because of a specific family problem. So, now I sit here and ask myself: Do I want to know and find out that she is, but not have a relationship with her? or Just pretend I never even heard of this speculation? Confusion, but things work out in their own way.
I’m still in shock and it hits me at random times what’s going on. I know there’s a lot more to come within the next fews days up to his funeral. I am kind of nervous about it because now his sister wants to talk to me about a conversation that he had with her.
Thanks for reading if you got through this. I’m sure it’s a jumble mess of thoughts and emotions. =/
Post # 3
I’m so sorry for your loss. I sometimes I wonder if losing someone you don’t have a great relationship is even harder, because you have to mourn the relationship you never had and always wanted. I’m glad you were able to reconnect with him.
I can’t imagine what you’re going through. Losing your father and finding out you may have a sister is a lot to take in. Give yourself time to process everything that is going on. Take it a day at a time. We are here for you.
Post # 4
Awww, so sorry to hear that, my condolences. It is hard enough to lose a parent, losing one that you have such a complicated relationship brings up all types of additional feelings (DH went through something similar a few years back, it’s a different sort of mourning). You’ll get through this though, and maybe you have a new piece of him to get to know if this girl really is your sister.
Post # 5
Oh Rouquine, I’m so sorry! My heart sank when I read your title. As far as the possible half-sister goes, WOW. Just try to take that one day at a time.
I’m really sorry to hear about your dad. 🙁
Post # 6
I’m so sorry. Dealing with a parent’s death is so difficult, especially when the relationship hasn’t always been smooth. Take care of yourself!
Post # 7
@Rouquine: Pumpkin!! I am sooooooooo sorry. I know these things seem useless but *hug*! I can’t imagine what you’re going through. I went through something similar right before the wedding – my grandmother passed away before I had another chance to go visit her. I thought about her through the years and always made excuses of why I couldn’t see her and then -poof- she was gone. It’s a strange feeling, isn’t it? Shit, I am crying. If you need anything at all, please let me know. And feel free to post as many times as you like. Death is some weird stuff, especially when you’re estranged.
Now on to this mystery gal. I know you don’t want to get into specifics but I would totally be intrigued by her too. Especially after just losing your dad? Come on now, I would be all over that.
Just breathe. And keep writing us. 🙂
Post # 8
DUDE you WANT to find out. Definitely. Of course!!! Something like that happened to me. My dad died when I was 2 but I never really knew him. I grew up yearning to find his family and connect with them… 2 years ago I began facebooking everyone that shared his last name, and I found a girl that knew him — HIS DAUGHTER! I found my sister after 25 years and it’s AWESOME! it’s so totally cool to find out something like that.
Maybe you’ll be able to foster a relationship. You guys might be really similar!
Post # 9
I am terribly sorry to hear this 🙁 My heart aches for you. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
Post # 10
I’m so sorry for your loss.
Post # 11
@ MrsSanchizel SUCH a cool story! 🙂
Post # 12
I’m so sorry for your loss.
Post # 13
My Dad’s death didn’t feel real to me at first. He had been very ill for quite some time (years) so we knew it would happen, but when I got the call that I needed to get in the car and get to the hospital, my heart started pounding and my brain stopped working. It was autopilot for the next three weeks. His funeral felt like a play we were all in and when it was over, we’d go home and he’d answer the door like always.
I’d be all for a relationship with another daughter! It could be healing in so many ways for both of you. You might learn things about your father that you wouldn’t otherwise know, or find that you both had similar experiences. In the end, he might have been able to give you something that brings depth and joy to your life.
Post # 14
I am so sorry for your loss.
Post # 15
just giving hugs no advice just hugs
Post # 16
@Rouquine: HUGS – just wanted to say you shouldn’t feel pressure to do ANYTHING you aren’t ready for. If your aunt wants to get something off her chest – do it in a time and space when you are ready for it (not so she can make herself feel better) – if that makes any sense.
Since you say you can’t have a relationship with this girl (if she really is your half-sister), then I’m not so sure I would bother finding out if she really is or not (at least, not until you could do anything about it – you know what I mean)?
I’m glad you were able to reunite with your father and have some (hopefully good!) memories of him.