Post # 1
So my dad and I have never been close. He left when I was 4 and has been there off and on since. About 6 months ago we got in a huge fight and he ended it by saying “have a nice life without me” (not the first time he left, he didn’t respond to my contact 6-10th grade). He met a girl in January and now has planned his wedding (his 3rd) the weekend before mine. (I’ve had this date for a year and a half, me and my fiance have been together 7 years, longer than both his previous marriages) Is it horrible to be upset by his date choice? (I could care less he’s getting married) I’ve invited my granpa and aunts and uncles (his dad and brothers) to my wedding, but not him. They don’t know my side of the story and it makes me think they will all go to his wedding and not mine, since they’ll have to travel for both. Also as far as I know they don’t really know about our fight and probably assuming i’m invited to his wedding and they can congradulate me there, which he hasn’t invited me to.
My sister is flying in for both weddings and she has been nagging me to invite him to my wedding and to be the bigger person. Am I crazy for thinking he’s being selfish with his date choice?
Post # 3
Selfish maybe, remember as a bride you get 1 day just as your dad gets 1 day also. Sure it sucks that he planned a wedding a week from yours but I do agree with your sister be the bigger person and just invite him. Not inviting him makes you look immature and childish. Who knows he might not even show up.
Post # 4
@Sassygrn: i agree.
@MelodicCallie: he may still be on his honeymoon and not show up for your wedding but at least you are being the bigger person here and your family will see that.
Post # 5
@MelodicCallie: I would be really disapointed too. Coming from someone who has had a troubled reltaitonship with my dad, I totally get it. I inivited my dad because I couldnt live with it. My sister on the other hand has made peace with her decisions and does not speak with him. When she gets married one day, there’s no way she’s inviting him. I think as long as you make peace with it then you do what feels right for you. As far as being disapointed- I would totally be too. Just remember all those people who love and care about you will be there on your special day and that’s all you’ll remember.
Post # 6
Thanks ladies. He’s not invited for multiple reasons. Honestly for so long I tried to make it work, stood up for him, tried to keep contact. I have been the parent and the “bigger person” for far too long. I spend so much of my life trying to keep everyone happy that i deserve to have who i want there on my wedding day. It’s the day I can do what i want most so i’m not too heart broken if people think i’m selfish because i know it was his actions not mine that caused this. My sister didn’t invite any family to her wedding and use to call him “the sperm donor” so it’s a little strange she’s saying it at all. He hasn’t contacted me back or invited me to his wedding either so it’s not all on me.
Post # 7
No, what your father did is just plain spiteful and selfish. I would be livid if it were me.
Stand by your decision not to invite him to your wedding. You want to be surrounded by good vibes from people who love and care for you on your wedding day, not invite discord and trouble into it.
Post # 8
@MelodicCallie: I don’t blame you for not inviting your dad, but I think you’ll have to accept that his side of the family may not show up. Think of it this way: on your wedding day, you’ll know who your true family is. And in the end, isn’t that who you want to spend your special day with anyway? It’s not like your weddings are on the same day, so they really have no excuse not to be there for yours.
Post # 9
I have to admit another thing that bothers me about it is that he hasn’t helped me with college because he says he couldn’t afford it and so me and my fiancé are paying for our college and wedding. Our budget is about $3000. My sister let it slip he’s spending $14,000 on his wedding.
Post # 10
Your father is a nitwit, I’m sorry for this. His choice of wedding date is just one more callous affront to you.
While I am completely on the “you get only one day” bandwagon, daddies who reject their little girls (and I can see how you see this as rejection) are cads.
What I don’t understand is why your sister would “fly in” for his wedding or even why it’s a big event for his side of the family, ummm, it IS #3. Perhaps your sister has a different relationship with him, but really, wedding #3? That wouldn’t merit more than a card from me to anyone including my father.
edited to add: after reading more posts this story is revealing more ridiculous behavior on the part of dear old dad. $14,000 for Wed-ding #3. OK! Well, perhaps his bride is a first time ’rounder, it’s unlikely I’d attend or do anyting really for this wedding. Still shaking my head over your sis getting on an airplane for this event.
OP, please do your best to block out the spiteful behavior of this sperm donor, I am so sorry he’s messing up your life.
Post # 11
I think because he’s given my sister money recently. She has a 5 year old son so they have something to bond over and talk a out now. He always wanted a boy. He had 4 girls. Two with my mom and two with wife number 2.
No, I heard she has twin 18year olds. And had a 25 year old. So I think it’s not her first time.
Post # 12
I think you have the right to be upset. Sure, you only get one day, BUT as you pointed out, he has practically ensured that guests will HAVE to choose between your wedding and his wedding. So he is imposing on your one day.
What a jerk. I’m sorry this is happening to you. I would honestly be surprised if his family chose his wedding over yours. Surly they can see that he is being spiteful by planning it on that particular day.
Post # 13
- Wedding: September 2013 - Creek club at ion, SC
@MelodicCallie: I hear you. Sometimes daddies use it to their advantage and rely on you being the bigger person to get there own way. There is only so long you can do it before you say enough is enough. Like another poster said just make sure you make peace with your choice.
Post # 14
I’ve made peace with not inviting him. I just can’t seem to shake my anger of his date choice. I don’t understand how he couldn’t have seen it as at least slightly inappropriate and it makes it worse if he did and didn’t care. I really just need to stop caring about any of his actions, it’s just harder to forgive and forget when family who doesn’t understand your reasoning, assumes your being immature and haven’t thought it through, and try to change your mind.
Post # 15
I wouldn’t invite him. Just because he is your biological father, that does not mean that he deserves to be at your wedding. I would explain as much as is necessary to your relatives, and let them know you really hope they’ll be able to make it, because you’d miss them if you couldn’t.
Post # 16
@MelodicCallie: While I’m a big advocate for ‘you only get ONE day’ I think that if anybody should understand how important your wedding is to you, it should be your father. I mean if a cousin or a friend or somebody had planned their wedding a week after yours, that’s one thing. But you father? Really? I’m guessing this is the kind of self centred crap that put you guys where you are today.
Don’t invite him, you don’t owe him anything. Politely tell your sister that she has a different relationship with him and that you’d appreciate it if she’d kindly but out of yours.