Post # 1
My Fiance had talked about getting engaged and I knew it would eventually happen. I was in no rush and wasn’t biting my nails over it. When you know, you just know that he is the one. I knew he was and didn’t need to jog down the aisle so I was just peachy and content.
We live in Texas, and my dad (who is military) lives in my home state of Florida. When I told him I had met this amazing guy he was very happy for me and supportive, then the natural happenings of a relationship occured.. things got more serious over time. Dates were more frequent and longer, we celebrated Valentine’s Day… blah blah blah. After some time we moved in together and my dad supported that as well. We have a stable household where our bills are paid, the house is taken care of and our dogs are healthy. My dad was proud of me and us as a couple. My Fiance is good to me and my family and I was beyond ecstatic.
Then my uncle (dad’s brother) and his Fiance announced their engagement. My Fiance told me straight out he was going to ask my dad permission to marry me while we were there for the wedding. He felt that is was right to ask for my hand in marriage, and I wasn’t going to tell him otherwise. So he asked my dad after the rehearsal dinner when everyone had left- and my dad told him “no” and that he didn’t know him well enough. I think the reality of the situation is that I am his little girl and he is not ready to accept the fact that I am a grown woman. At no point has my dad ever attempted to get to know my Fiance. Well, needless to say my Fiance was crushed. He cried even, and I cried for him. He asked me to marry him anyway with my dream ring that I had no idea he even had. Of course I said “yes” and no we are well on our way to the Big Day, yet I was haunted by what could have been. I wanted that happy engagement story where I call everyone in my damn address book because I am so excited. My dad is supportive now of the wedding and our engagement, he has tried to help out and be nice but I have not accepted; too little too late. He literally ruined my special moment. I have never asked for much. I paid for my own car, college, have lived on my own since I was 18 years old, yet he couldn’t be supportive and happy just one time for me. I am so angry and I can not get over it. Every time my dad calls I want to hang up the phone. My dad even said he was going to call my Fiance and apologize because he admitted it was the wrong thing to do, and he never has (this was 5 months ago).
What do I do?
I am not one to dwell on things. I am a very upbeat person and I can not shake this stupid thing.
Post # 3
He’s your father and if he wants to apologize that is not something you should stop him from doing. He’s admitted he was wrong and is willing to step up to the plate and take action against the hurt he caused you and your fiance. I think you should take advantage of that.
I’ve read a lot of stories on here in which there have been disapproving parents and parents-in-law, and you should be happy that he’s come to his senses this early on in the game. I know he wasn’t there for you initially, but he wants to be there for you now. It will be a much easier time to forgive and move on with the wedding planning and the rest of your life.
Post # 4
Look, it sucks I know. My father is the most stubborn person on earth and doesn’t like my husband. He sulks and hides during family holidays, there’s a long history there of tension. I was living out of state when I met and married my husband so my father felt as though because he didn’t know him, he wasn’t to be trusted.
Bottom line, your Dad ruined the moment. That’s over and done with, there’s nothing you can do about that now. You’re allowed to feel anger and disappointment, but now you need to move on the best and most peaceful way possible.
Your father was probably totally blindsided by this. Even if he was expecting it, when it becomes *real* like that, sometimes parents choke up. They get emotional, say the wrong thing. Your father is probably KICKING himeself right now, because he loves you and he wants you to be happy, and believe it or not, he did not want to take that away from you.
Your father needs to apologize to your fiance face to face. Your fiance was a man and asked permission and got shut down, so now the ball is in your father’s court to man up and admit to a total lapse in judgment.
Then you need to talk to your father and tell him you need for him to be supportive throughout this wedding process. Let him know that you love him and that you hope that he trusts in you enough to know that you are making the best decision for your life. Remind him that you are happy, and that you are very much in love.
Then forgive your father. Because until you do that, this will keep eating at you. Forgive him, let the anger go and promise that from here on out, you are going to think happy thoughts and get excited for your day.
Best of luck and CONGRATS!!
Post # 5
@KateByDesign: She said he hasn’t apologized, even though he said he would.
I’m sorry 🙁 It’s terrible when these things mess up a special moment. Just try to think about how happy you are that you’re engaged!
Post # 6
@SnowPeony: ooo! I read that wrong.
Forget what I said then. You need to confront him about not apologizing.
Post # 7
Why did your Fiance want to ask your dad if he wan’t going to listen to him anyway?
Post # 8
@ Atalanta: I think he was dead set on my dad saying “yes”. I think it would have been a different story if he and I had a rather tumultuous relationship. I wouldn’t want my daughter to marry someone if the relationship wasn’t healthy either. However, that was not the case. I think everyone wants a certain amount of approval, especially from in laws. (my Fiance has never had a relationship with his father) He told me the next day when we were on our way home that he wasn’t going to let someone else ruin the best decision he’s ever made. Not to mention he’s stubborn! 🙂
Post # 9
he wasn’t going to let someone else ruin the best decision he’s ever made.
Aww, that’s sweet. That is why I am a firm believer that a 3rd party shouldn’t be involved in the decision making of a decision which ultimately dosn’t have anything to do with said decision.
Post # 10
I just wanted to say thank you for all the kind words and advice. After reflecting on the situation (I think that writing and sharing it with others has forced me to think about it), I have come to the conclusion to move on. You all are totally and completely right in your own way. I need to confront my dad about not apologizing like her said he would. After that has been reconciled, I need to forgive him and forget the situation entirely. I have realized that I am lucky to even have the relationship with my father that I do. Most of my girlfriends do not have dad’s, and some not even a stepfather. I am well on my way to marrying the man of my dreams and should not let anything stop me from being outrageously happy!
Post # 11
My Mother-In-Law ruined our engagement as well. It was really upsetting and I do get angry when I think about it in too much detail, but honestly, I end up smirking because even though my engagement sucked, I still have a great husband and in the end, my Mother-In-Law got the short end of the stick. We no longer have any communication with her, the 1 thing she tried to achieve was to push me out of the picture and get rid of ME, but instead she no longer has a Son that respects her and wants her in his life because of it. Now this all didn’t just stem because she tried to stop the engagement and ruined it, but it set the tone for 7 months of a horrible engagement with a horrible women.
With that being said, be happy and thrilled that your father is trying to make ammends and help out, it stinks you don’t have a wonderful engagement story, but what I tell myself there are worse things in life than that.
I was engaged once before my Darling Husband and I had the exciting engagement story but it meant nothing, the guy was a dud and the relationship was even worse. A story is just a story, and what matters is the love and happiness you feel with you Fiance.
I don’t have a wonderful story at all, but I do have the moment that my Darling Husband DID ask me with my ring and him down on 1 knee and THAT is what I try to focus on, not the negative.
Post # 11
[content moderated for name calling]
Post # 12
lecomteskier : Do you realize you’re calling someone a name on a thread thats been dead for over 6 years?
Post # 14
slomotion : what’s weird is that their first post ever is to revive a 6 year old thread and insult someone.
Post # 15
So what? You have a good man and you are getting married anyway. What’s the real problem??