Post # 1
So please someone let me know if I’m being unrealistic or overreacting.
My dad and I don’t have the best relationship. I grew up arguing and fighting with him on just about everything. He really knows how to kill a moment. It’s like he just can’t be happy for very long before he has to shoot a dart with his words. I don’t understand why he is like this, but as I’ve grown up I’ve learned to brush a lot aside. But sometimes it just cuts straight through the heart like a jagger.
My husband and I are renewing our vows. We never got a wedding because of him being in the Army and being at and Army school in another state as me. We thought he was going to deploy right out of school so I flew there and we eloped. We had planned to have a big ceremony later on but just couldn’t afford it as I had to leave my job to follow him to his duty station. He didn’t deploy right away, but with the military it’s next to impossible to plan anything. So now we will renew our vows just before our 6 year anniversary.
My dad told me on the phone last night, to be realistic and not to expect a lot of people to show up for something like that. And that none of my cousins or aunt n uncles would probably show up. Unless it was our first wedding then maybe but not to this kind of thing. And not to get my hopes up. That hurt soooo much. It felt like he punched me in the stomach with his words. Am I over reacting? I mean, people have been telling me that it’s OUR day and to make it as wonderful and lavish as we want because we never got to have a wedding and share our marriage with anyone. I was so happy and excited, now I just feel ridiculous. I wasn’t planning on inviting the whole family anyways. Just those I talk to on a somewhat regular basis. And I am planning this 15 months in advance so that people can plan. It will be at the beach on a weekend so it could be like a mini vacation to people.
Anyways, I just want opinions if Im being ridiculous by planning an event like this after we are already married, or is he just Mr Negative? Part of me just thinks, whatever he can stick to himself then, and my husband and I are going to have the best time whether many people show up or not. It’s OUR time to celebrate each other and enjoy the company of the people who could show up.
Post # 3
Coming from another girl whose father is less than perfect with words… He doesn’t know what he’s talking about and he seems to be trying to make you upset, don’t let it. It IS your day, it IS your wedding and it will be beautiful 🙂
Post # 4
You’re only inviting people you talk to regularly, right? Do YOU think they will come? I think you do. Sure, depending on travel distance or cost some people might be less likely to make a big expenditure at a later date than the wedding but I would think most people would come. Talk to a couple of other family members and see what they say if you’re worried about it, but I’d just plan your party and appreciate those that show up, be they many or few.
Post # 5
Hi, there – almost date twin!
I’m a littlee surprised how many people aren’t coming for our wedding, but it’s because they’re already booked for something else (another wedding, an overseas trip, etc). Summer is a busy time, and some people won’t be able to make it. But it’ll be because they can’t, not because it isn’t important. It will have nothing to do with the fact that it’s a renewal.
Ignore your dad. He’s just raining on your parade.
Post # 6
I think if you are only inviting people who you talk to regularly they will probably come.
But in all honesty I have to say my family is the kind that if you are already married and tried to have something like that they probably wouldnt come. But thats my family, only you know how your family will react.
SOrry if this isnt what you wanted to hear. I just know how many people look at it.
Post # 8
While I don’t think your father was the best with the way he said it, I would have to agree with him. Unless you are very close, a vow renewal, especially so far from your original marriage date, might not have a lot of attendees. Personally, if you were a very close friend I would go. If you were an aquaintance I might not. I wouldn’t expect any of my long-distance relatives to come either.
Unfortunately most people will see it as a renewal rather than the actaul ceremony being this far out. I hope you still have lots of fun and don’t let it get you down!
Post # 9
I would agree with everyone else. Your father definitely could have worded it a little nicer, but I think he has the right point. I know in my family, many people would not be in attendance. (at least I don’t think they would..) but this is still a special time for you & your husband, so enjoy it! (:
Post # 10
Honestly, they should understand your circumstance, but I also can’t speak for anyone. I’m sure your dad was being a debbie downer though. Keep us updated.
Post # 11
Also, when did you elope and what year would this vow renewal be?
Post # 12
@ValerieC: ooo honey… I am so sorry. Negativity is a sad, sad thing especially when its part of your father’s personality. Don’t let him get to you.
Unfortunately, he could be right about how many people make it… if not partially right.
but FORTUNATELY, you probably didn’t need those people there anyway!
Go forward with your plans of renewal…
people do it all the time even when they’ve already had their big, lavish affair!
YOU AND YOUR HUBBY DESERVE IT!!!
Post # 13
Thank you all for your honest opinions. We weren’t ever going to do anything since we did elope ( July 5, 2007 ) but my husband asked me a few times over the years, “Are you sure you don’t want to do anything”? I would just tell him it didn’t make us any more married. But then a friend of mine suggested we do a vow renewal and she would help me plan. So after talking about it a little bit I decided it would be a very nice and romantic, fun thing to do.
I do realize that finances is really more of a concern to people than anything else. And I’m not really sure if my dad meant it in a negative way or not; however the way he said it I guess and the history between the two of us is what made me think it was just him being negative. He is kind of known to be that way sometimes. My step sister lives with him and my step mom and she is getting married for her first time just a month or a few months after me, even though we had already started planning and telling people about our ceremony and recep. before they got engaged. So I don’t know if my dad is just stressed and thinking about all that’s involved and just not knowing how to handle it or what.
Even though we are already married, I wouldn’t see why people would treat it any differently than if it were our actual wedding since we never had one. We didn’t get any gifts or anything. And we aren’t gift registering either. I guess we will see what happens. I am just going to let it be and forgive 70 x’s 7 and be the NON- negative person. LOL! I wish all of you the VERY BEST wedding wishes EVER!!!! I hope you all have a wonderful time and I thank you sooo much for your input and encouragement.
P.S. – Our vow renewal date is set for June 22, 2013.
Post # 14
That is very true. I completely agree. I hadn’t told my dad who I was inviting yet, so when he said that, it was like he was taking a jab at me. I just told him that we had close friends here that we were inviting and some immediate family. I suppose I shouldn’t let this bother me at all. For some reason it just did cause I had already felt a little weird about doing it like a real wedding, but so many people were telling me it was okay and since we never had one, to do it as beautiful and lavish as we wanted. So I was getting excited until he said that. Made me feel iike he was saying, you don’t deserve to have one and nobody would show up to something like that. We will do it anyways though, and whomever shows up, we will have a blast and if anything, my husband and I will have a wonderful romantic experience that we can remember the rest of our lives.
Post # 15
Thanks girl 🙂 It will be beautiful no matter what! It will be on the beach so maybe when my dad gets out into the fresh air and enjoys some beach time, his attitude will change a little.
Post # 16
Thank you Kimmy!!! That was an encouragement. I mean, it’s not like I’m asking them for anything. ha ha I didn’t gift register or anything. Just want them there for support and to have a good time and celebrate with us. I think that now days, people take marriage for granted so much. And divorce is so darned common anymore that nobody thinks if they do things like this to rekindle the fire, that just maybe their marriage will be 10 times better than they thought it could be. Maybe i’m just a passionate person, but I think doing things like this to celebrate your marriage just makes it that much better. And having people around you to support you and celebrate with you helps too.