(Closed) My dad told me to find someone else to walk me down the aisle….LONG.

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
8778 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Is it his physical pain or his mental illness that is stopping him? If it is the physical pain could you suggest that your mum walks with you both to help support him?

If it is his mental illness then I’m afraid there might be nothing you can do but be supportive of him. Mental illness is such a tricky thing and there is no quick fix. Finding the right medication or mix of medication can take years. It can be especially hard when there is a physical injury causing depression. And even harder when that physical injury stops you taking part in “normal” life. 

I know it is hard not to take it personally but you really need to try to. Pushing him to do something he isn’t capable of could be more disasterous to his recovery.

Maybe try finding him a new therapist. In most cases a medical professional would be wanting to see improvements however small over years and not Symptoms getting worse. 

I am sorry you and your family are going through this and I am extremely sorry for your father having to face so much. 

Post # 3
4233 posts
Honey bee

I’m really sorry you’re going through this. If you want to PM me, you can- I can definitely commiserate with some of this. I don’t really want to go into it on here though, but seriously, PM me if you want to talk 🙂

Post # 4
768 posts
Busy bee

I am so sorry you all are going through this. I cannot imagine how hard it is to see your parent and someone you love so much go through such a difficult time. He probably feels liek he cannot provide for his family or that he has lost his identity by not being able to work. My FI’s dad worked for many, many years long hours. When he was going through chemo he could not work and it made him feel depressed. You could tell that there was something missing in his life.

Is he going to a therapist on a regular basis? Is he able to do any hobbies that are not too strenous on his body? Maybe a hobby will keep his mind busy and make him feel like he is doing something productive.

I am sending you big internet hugs and I hope things get better for him. 

Post # 5
9751 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

im so sorry, your poor Dad and family and you. I would just go back to him and plead how much you love and need him. I hope he’s going to talk therapy not just getting meds- wish him and you the best! 

Post # 8
768 posts
Busy bee

MrsAnonnyBee11516:  Is there any way that a room in the house could be transformed in a hobby room? Maybe your mom and you can try to figure out something that he may like to do but it is not too strenous. IE, this girl’s dad on IG sells wooden growth chart. I am no sure how much work it’s required, but it keeps her retired dad busy.

Some people are just wired that way, they love and enjoy work SO much that they can’t just sit “still” no matter how much money they have saved. My mom has been a chef for 30 years, when she is off from work she invites as many people over and cooks for everyone a three course meal. She told me that doing her job makes her feel happy and accomplished. 

Does your dad like the therapist? Or does he feel like he does not need to see one/needs a new one? Is he able to take care of the non-manual aspects of his business? Or is he not allowed to work at all?

Post # 10
159 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

he is def depressed. he has been a great provider, that is built inside him as a man, and not being able to provide is greatly effecting him. My SO told me once that I can’t understand what it means as a man to not be able to provide. I saw the same depression caused by long time under/ un employment tea rat my SO and our relationship. I know it is very painful When men push us away, especially when we are having special times in our lives. I really don’t know what to tell you except be there for him, but don’t cancel your plans. My So told me recently , I am a good woman for never leaving him and putting up with so much.So don’t take this personal. Dont leave. But, press forward. See if there are things you can find to help him be a providor…. And let him know, you look forward to him walking you down the aisle. Dotn buy into his talk. Reassure him how important he is to you. Pray for him, also. 

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