- 3 years ago
- Wedding: December 1969
Regular bee here going anon for this because this just really hits home and is very personal.
My dad and I don’t have a bad relationship.. we are actually really close. This is going to be long, so bare with me here..
A little bit of background on my dad- we haven’t always had a spectacular relationship, but we are both stubborn and we challeneged each other constantly. I def was a terribly teen ager and that didn’t help anything. Anyways, My dad for as long as I can remember has always worked more jobs than I can count. Daily he would be at work by 6 am working until 3 and then going straight into working his business. After his business he would get home anywhere from 10-11 every day of the week. I was very blessed and didn’t go without anything he always made sure my sister and I had just about whatever we wanted and nice vacations, etc. I was spoiled but not entitled.
He has gotten hurt mulitple times at his main job causing him to have to have multiple surgeries.. His latest surgery was for his back (his 2nd or 3rd operation total on his back) He has had rotator cuff surgery, shoulder reconstruction surgery, the back surgeries, elbow surgery, etc. His work is very grueling and very manual labor. He has been off of work since around late 2012. He had his surgery and apparently things were a lot worse after they started operating and the dr didn’t go ahead and fix everything apparently. Since then he has had physical therapy, shots, etc. Well, long story short his work finally said (he is in a union so, he has had workmans comp since everything was work related) that he couldn’t return to work and that he would be put on permanent disability. He is 49. 49 years old and has the spine of a 79 year old man.
While all this was going on my parents decided to move to a smaller house with one main floor so it would be easier for my dad. My dad ended up being miserable in this new house finding many things that were wrong and missed their old house (where my sister and I grew up, we had animals buried there, and my parents designed and built that house). He became really depressed and addicted to his pain medication. Pain medication plus anti-deppresants are no good. He started having suicidal thoughts and even sending my mom, sister, and I all texts about him ending his life or not having enough time, etc. My parents ended up moving back to their old house hoping that it would help with my dads depression. At one point during the move my dad stayed at whichever house was empty and had took to many pills. (Through all of this I was pregnant and had my daughter in January of 2014) He sent out a text saying that he going basically hurt himself. When I tried to call him I could tell he was really messed up. I immeadiately called 911 and an ambulance was sent out to the house he was at.. He was taken to the hospital and admitted to the psych floor for evaluation. This also happened to be the weekend of his birthday. He eventually got off the pain pills and has since only been on the anti-deppresants.
Therapists have wanted to have him admitted a few times (I think 2) since this stay (March 2014). He has been switched on so many pills I couldn’t even tell you the amount, he’s had times when he’s gotten really well then others when it seems like he has just gotten worse. I feel terrible for my mom.. My dad refuses to leave the house to go anywhere without his dog. If he does leave he goes to another city about 45 minutes away because he doesn’t want to see anyone he knows. I know he feels terrible about not being able to work. I know that’s why he’s so depressed he has missed SO many important milestones because he refuses to even drive his own vehicle.
I just don’t know what to do. He asked me to search for someone else to walk me down the aisle.. “There’s not enough time” he says. I CAN NOT get married without my dad walking me down the aisle. Payments have been made, and some paid in full. So many things completed yet, I have offered to even push our wedding back by a year to help my dad get better.
Sorry this was so terribly long. I’m lost, heartbroken, hurt, etc. I can hardly talk to anyone about it all (my best friends, Fi, FMIL, and immeadiate family all know) But, no one else really even knows. It’s like he’s just disappeared. :'( This isn’t my dad, he used to be a social butterfly, he knows so many people. -sigh- any sort of kind words appreciated.