My dad won't walk me down the isle…

posted 2 years ago in Guests
Post # 31
Member
1800 posts
Buzzing bee

He doesn’t sound like he was ever your father, he was merely a sperm donor. Have your mom walk you, she deserves the honor. And cut that Ahole out of your life

Post # 32
Member
648 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

blonde92 :  This is how I would handle this. No to having him walk you down the isle. He hasn’t earned that privilege. Tell him that he is welcome to come without the kid because it is a kid-free wedding. Has nothing to do with your brother. That is just the kind of wedding it is. If he chooses to not come to his daughter’s wedding, that is his choice and you can just wash your hands of the entire thing. He is not allowed to bully you and make demands at your own damn wedding. Absolutely not!

Post # 33
Member
11753 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

Your dad is a weak jerk who abandoned you and married another jerk her claims manipulates him, but the truth is he lets her. 

The truth is he chose to not be there for his own kid and now he’s saying he’s going to chose that again. 

Sure, you could have been more generous to your step-brother, but that wouldn’t have changed anything except then you’d have your dad pretending he was a father to you as he walked you down the aisle.

he wasn’t a father to you. Leave him to the family he chooses to show up for. you’ll make your own new family. 

Post # 34
Member
11967 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

As for walking you down the aisle, I think it’s great that your father got his life back on track and has a relationship with you now, or did. But I agree with others that it’s your mother who really deserved the honor. 

Post # 35
Member
259 posts
Helper bee

Again, I’m really sorry that this is a situation you have to deal with on your wedding. Just ignore the PP’s who think they know better than you do who in your family you are close to and who should attend your wedding… How utterly ridiculous.

I’ve never heard something so silly about guest lists before: having an intimiate dinner party wedding that is adult’s only is “excluding” a 4 year old you seem to share only DNA with. Oh and this will negatively affect a “relationship” you have with a small child… And the idea that asking your dad and stepmom to get a babysitter so your father can be present at your wedding is “petty” (especially when there’s no indication that a babysitter is in itself an issue). No idea why these posters so deliberately twist things — TBH I think they just like to rile other users up. I’m falling for it 🙂

Post # 37
Member
646 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

As someone who was abandoned by a parent (my mother in my case) – I am 100% genuine when I ask you –

why do you want your father to walk you down the aisle?  What are your reasons and motivations?  If he wasnt there for you and still isnt – why do you actually want him?  Or is it a subconscious desire for him to choose you at last? 

No judgement here on this – the scars of abandonment go deep and only partially heal.  Have you ever sought help for this?

Post # 39
Member
646 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I understand.  I also wanted an apology or at the very least an acknowledgement. Was never forthcoming and I was never able to have a relationship with my mother.  It also took me years and years to understand that it is not about ME; I am worthy, I am valuable – SHE has the issue, SHE made poor choices and SHE cannot take responsibility.  I stopped hoping for the impossible.  Maybe you should too.

Post # 40
Member
205 posts
Helper bee

blonde92 :  Sadly, with dads like ours, we just aren’t a priority in their lives, and frankly it sucks. There have been more times than I can count where I have thought ‘why aren’t I as important to you as your other children are’. Most recently he asked what year I was born, like that must of been a memorable day for him hey?

I know it really hurts that he isn’t willing to compromise for you, after all he owes you, but the truth is, you don’t need him. If he isn’t willing to be there for you after all he has done for one day, you really really don’t need him.

Post # 41
Member
395 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2017

As someone who grew without her bio dad (he left my mom for someone else and had another child), are you sure that cutting your brother is the right thing to do? He is only 4, but he will grow up and he will know.

I used to hate my sister (half sister) because in my young, inmature mind, my dad chose them over me. You know what? That girl who is 9 years younger than me is not at fault for any of the things our dad did, and years later I am working hard to have a good relationship with her. Even my mom (who was abandoned because of her mom has open her house to her because at the end she is my sister)

my das died a couple of years ago, and on my wedding I was walked down the aisle by my step dad who raised me, but I invited my sister to com with whoever she was dating and I saved a sit for her with my inmediate family. Let me tell you somehing it feels good to let the anger go.

my dad had another relationship after the one he lft my mom for, qnd he had a son he must be around 11 now, his mom doesnt want him to have a relationship with us; but everytime I go to the US (I live in another country) I try to contact her to see if I can get to know my brother, why? Because he is family and even if he is not aware now, when the time comes I will be able to tell him that I tried, because he is important to me.

I don’t say that your dad deserves to walk you down the aisle, all I am saying is, that as a mother, I wouldn’t accept my son treating his other siblings (he comes from a previous marriage) that way. And as a girl that had a shitty father and was in a similar position as you are, I believe you should open your heart to your littl brother, even if you dislike his mom. When we allow ourselves to heal life becomes much easier, much better.

Post # 42
Member
12 posts
Newbee

blonde92 :  I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Separated parents is always the hardest especially when planning a marriage for yourself, unable to model the relationship of what should have been. I have been in your shoes with step parents – not wanting my s/o asking my father for his blessing. What has always helped me through every situation, however, is understanding that whether or not you like it, he’s your dad. If your step mother and half brother are part of what makes him who he is, you should reconsider the invitation or at least have a face to face open conversation about it. My mom and my step mom hate each other, but my step mom makes my dad happy, and biology makes that man my dad. Let go of your rules, resentment, and frustration and open up your heart and your special day to everyone who makes you who you are. I hope everything works out for you and include your future husband! This could be the first dilemma he helps you get through as your lifetime partner. Stay strong. 

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