(Closed) My Daddy bombshell

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

i would be walking myself down the aisle or what about your mom?? 

if the guy cant be bothered to be there on your wedding day because he has other plans do you really want to carry the memory for the rest of your life about how unimportant you are to him and how you had to change to force him to be there?

Post # 4
Member
1577 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@ShandaK:  What?  Wow… I am so sorry that this happened to you, doll.  That really sucks.

I’m not close with my biological father.. by any stretch of the word.. and I don’t have a step father, so I guess I’ve always either pictured walking down the aisle alone or with my mother.  Could either of those be an option for you?  If I were you, I wouldn’t change my wedding date… if your WEDDING DAY isn’t important enough for him to ditch his friends for one evening, then he wouldn’t be important enough to me to plan my wedding around.

Just my honest opinion.  I hope you find a solution that works for you sweetie… you deserve to have a beautiful day that’s everything you’ve dreamt of.

Post # 6
Member
860 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@ShandaK: awwwww I am so sorry that this happened to you. If he told you to put an ad in the paper to find someone else to walk you down the aisle, I would def NOT change the wedding date nor would he still be an option for walking me down the aisle.  I agree with the others, either see if your mom can do it or you can walk down by yourself…. My father is deceased so I am having my close uncle on my mother’s side, who was also VERY close to my dad, walk me down the aisle…

Try and keep your head up….I know its hard 🙁

Post # 7
Member
4771 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I am very curious to know what he has planned on doing over a year from now that is so incredibly important.

 

Post # 8
Member
172 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

First, hugs to you! This sounds like a painful situation and I’m so sorry you are going through it.

So, your dad can’t come to the wedding because he has something else planned? In a year and a half? What is his conflict? Is it something significant or can he change his plans? Are you able to change your date if his plans really are set (although I can’t imagine what takes priority over your daughter’s wedding)?

I think the bigger question, though, is why is he reacting this way? Is this typical for him? It is unfortunate, at best. It sounds plain mean and I really, truly feel for you. Believe me I understand.

I think you should try to talk to him to see what his deal really is. This is too big for you to just change your plans or to ignore as though nothing happened. I agree with the others that I would probably not have him walk me down the aisle at this point. His attitude is unacceptable. Whatever happens, know that your wedding is about you, your fiance, and the people who care enough to be there! Good luck.

Post # 9
Member
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

That REALLY sucks.

I wouldn’t change the date if I were you – especially not if you have ANYTHING booked or in the works to be booked around which you chose that date. If he can’t do August 25 on eighteen months notice, I wouldn’t count on him being able to be available any other time either. Does that make sense? Like, it would suck even worse if you change the date to accomodate him, and then a month before the wedding (or six months or a week or whenever!) he’s like, “Oh, now I can’t because xyz. Sorry!”

Basically, I would NOT make your plans contingent upon someone who isn’t going to make you a priority, because honestly, you deserve better than that!

I second the above suggestions that your mom walk you down the aisle, or your brother, or walk alone, or walk in with your Fiance. I understand that it’s tough because you’ve spent so many years thinking about having your dad walk you down the aisle in traditional style, but remember, you’ve got 18 months to get used to the idea of doing something different, something that will ultimately have a lot more significance to you, your family, and your guests!

Post # 10
Member
10288 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

Wow, no offense but he sounds like a total douche. Nothing should trump his step-daughters wedding (or graduation for that matter). I absolutely do not think that you should change your wedding date. If you can’t even count on him to be present on the most important day of your life because he has “plans with his friends” then you certainly should not change your WEDDING plans to appease him. Honestly, I wouldn’t want someone like him walking me down the aisle. Giving your daughter/step-daughter/granddaughter/sister/niece (you get the picture) away is an honor, not a chore. He should be ecstatic that you asked him. When I asked my step-dad, he cried! I’m so sorry that you’re dealing with this BS.

I hope this all works out for you. 

Post # 11
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

If your step dad isn’t going to cancel plans with his friends to walk you down the aisle…unfortunately it sounds like he is a bum. Walk by yourself or with your mom. If you guys are that close (i mean, close enough for you to ask!!!), then I don’t get why he wouldn’t drop everything for you. Sorry babe

Post # 12
Member
6824 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’m sorry but do you REALLY want a man who misses your graduation and  then asks you to put an add or move the date so he can walk you down the  aisle.?  He sounds like total you know what.  Personally I would either walk yourself down or have your mom do it. 

Post # 13
Member
5657 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

@ShandaK: he made “plans with friends” on his step-daughter’s wedding day, at which he previously was going to walk her down the aisle? I think you have every right to be hurt over that!

I think you should talk to him and explain why that hurts. If he doesn’t care/doesn’t understand, get someone who actually wants to play an active role in your life to walk you down the aisle (you mother, siblings, best friend).

Post # 14
Member
724 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I am SHOCKED that your step-dad won’t cancel plans with *friends* for your wedding! I mean, seriously??? Who does that?! And he *texted* you to tell you that? Either get your mom to put some pressure on him or seriously ditch him. I know he’s your father figure but I would not change your plans for someone who clearly doesn’t give a crap abou the biggest day of your life. How very selfish of him.

Post # 15
Member
1872 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

To reiterate what the bees are saying:

1. This man skipped your graduation

2. This man turned you down by TEXT MESSAGE

3. This man told you to “put an ad in the paper”…for what? A dad? Is that the implication? Harsh.

My dear, I am sorry that this happened to you. And I am sorry to be blunt with what I’m about to say, in part because you do have an attachment to him and I’m sure that you have some good memories with this man, but good memories that are marred by deep blind unfair disappointments does not a father make. You are too wonderful a woman and this is too important a day to waste any more time on this louse. Three strikes, he’s out.

Post # 16
Member
7693 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I’m sorry! Wow. Don’t change your plans for him.  Figure out what works best for you.

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