(Closed) My daddy won’t dance with me :(

posted 9 years ago in Music
Post # 3
Member
12 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I am on the same boat. My dad will be walking me down the aisle, but he is refusing to do the father/daughter dance. He blames his "bad knees" but I know that it’s probably because he doesn’t like to be at the center of attention. I’ve always been daddy’s girl, so I am extremely hurt over this as well. I figured that maybe as time gets closer, he’ll eventually agree to do it. Other than that, I don’t really know how to deal with this either. πŸ™ 

Post # 4
Member
1238 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

I am so sorry for both of you.  My dad and my husband were both very nervous about dancing with me, not only because of shyness, but also because I know how to dance and they were afraid of messing up or making me look bad.  So, I hired a dance instructor and tricked both my dad and my husband to go to a dance lesson.  It took a total of 2 hours with my dad and 4 hours with my husband to get them comfortable enough to finally agree to dance with me at my wedding.

Also, my dad refused to do the toast and asked my mom to do it instead.  Then, at the last moment, he changed his mind (because he said he just couldn’t miss the moment) and ended up giving a toast!

Time, Patience… good luck!

Post # 5
Member
45 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2009

My mother won’t do the mother and son dance with me either although its not as emotionally upsetting to me. 

 As an idea, have you introduced the idea of dance lessons with your dad?  Maybe take an opportunity to learn something simple like a two step or something so he feels more confident being in front of everyone?   My fiancee’s parents have decided they would like to take dance lessons. 

Post # 6
Member
2765 posts
Sugar bee

That’s a great idea – take dance lessons with your dad!  You can tell him that even if he’s still not comfortable doing it, at least you will have the memories of those dance classes together. πŸ™‚

Post # 7
Member
112 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I had a friend sing a duet with her father instead of a father/daughter dance.  Maybe you guys can do something else together?

Post # 9
Bee
1048 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2009 - City Hall

You could also try doing a combined dance. like one song or song-collage that you could use as your first dance, then switch to mother/son and father/daughter… that would take some of the pressure off of him.

Post # 10
Member
221 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

I think it’s important that your dad is happy and comfortable at your wedding, as well. It sounds like he is going outside of his comfort zone to walk you down the aisle, so make sure you really let him know how much that means to you.

Post # 11
Member
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

See how he responds to the idea of other people being on the dance floor with you. I myself don’t like the idea of everyone watching me dance, and would be happier if there were others dancing at the same time I was. 

Post # 12
Member
752 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

This is so sad. πŸ™ I second the dance lessons, but if he’s still too shy, don’t force him to stand in the spotlight. You wouldn’t want your daddy to be miserable during your dance, would you?

Instead, try having your DJ/Band play a dedication from you to him at some point in the evening once everyone has gotten on the dance floor, and dance with him then.  Or it might even make him more comfortable if the mother/son and father/daughter dances were at the same time. 

Talk calmly with him and try to avoid getting emotional about it, even though it means a lot to you. Try to find something meaningful that you’ll both enjoy. πŸ™‚ 

I hope this helps! Good luck!

Post # 13
Member
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

What is it that’s really important to you?  Could you do a daddy dance in private?  I know if mine didn’t want to be up in front of everyone I would just step out of the reception into a back hallway somewhere and we could dance alone, no one watching.

Also maybe you could sneak it in there, like just start the dancing like you were going to skip it and 4 or 5 songs in, you’re both dancing to THE song and no one is staring.

Not that I’m advocating it but…alcohol also does wonders to human courage.

Good luck!

Post # 14
Member
32 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2009

maybe have it be a father daughter dance for everyone. That way everyone still knows it about you and your dad, but he can see and feel more comfortable in a sea of fathers and daughters…?

Maybe that could help?

Post # 15
Member
752 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I think I3cheese has a sweet idea, if you’ll have enough fathers and daughters among your invitees to do it without your dad being uncomfortable. Maybe you could put a note on your wedding website about it so that people would be prepared and more comfortable coming up when the DJ/MC announced it. πŸ™‚

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