My daughter doesn't want me to be included in planning

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 286
Admin
46207 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2021 - City, State

catimitch :  Thanks for being patient while this thread went a bit off topic.   If this thread gets jacked again, I’m deleting posts.

Post # 287
Member
972 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2018 - Tizer Gardens/Carroll College

My mom said she’d pay for specific things for the wedding, but didn’t have a budget in mind. They were: the cake, the dress, the venues, and the photographer. I made her set a budget. Because I could easily have spent allllll the money, but that wouldn’t have been in line with who I am, nor would it be very respectful. As a result, my venues are $1,300 for the reception and the ceremony, my cake is a jaw-dropping $250, my photographer is a splurge at $2,250-2,500, and my dress was ~$1,500 including the veil and the sash. I know she has also bought my sister’s dress… so we are above the budget I made her set, however, every time I try to pay for something (like the veil and the sash), she has her money out. I can’t stop her from spending, but I’m at least trying to keep the costs as low as possible. This is why I’ve chosen a small wedding party, and I’m keeping a tight reign on where I spend the money, and I’m talking down price points where reasonably possible.

It doesn’t necessarily sound like your daughter is spending over the budget you’ve set, so I’d say pitch in where you can physically and emotionally, and just be glad you aren’t having to do EVERYTHING. Go and enjoy the day she is planning for you! I’m sure you trust her judgement, so as long as she isn’t asking for additional money, just help where you can!

Post # 288
Member
651 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

catimitch :  so glad to see your update! I’m glad you’ve reached an agreement everyone is OK with. And I love how you were able to keep your cool both with your daughter and with the comments here. I hope I can be calm like that when I grow up and the kids do something crazy 🙂

Post # 289
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: January 1991

I’d say, “Sweethearts, I’m happy for you and only want the best for you and that includes NOT stressing you out. So we’ve decided to give you what we’ve set aside for your wedding $xxxxxxx.” And this way, you’re done. 

Post # 290
Member
8813 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Our family traveled with her all over the country where she made a number of appearances on TV shows” — Cash me ousside girl is getting married? Good on her!

Post # 291
Member
72 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

Parents from both sides are contributing heavily to the wedding. They made it clear that they want it to be our day and we are free to do whatever we want, BUT the overall budget, as well as options for different things, are run by them before asking for $$$.

So whilst they’re not really involved in planning unless we ask them for advice, we always discuss the monetary side of things and try to spend as little as possible (to the point where they’re often convincing us to spend more).

Should the wedding be their day overall? Absolutely.

Should they spend your money freely without discussing it? Absolutely NOT. 

 

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