(Closed) My daughter is being bullied and I dont know what to do…frustrated vent

posted 8 years ago in Parenting
Post # 18
Member
3622 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

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@TexasSpringBride:  Re: the friend who volunteered to whip their butts – can that friend stay in the car while she walks home from school, and then when the bullies come, get out of the car, call the police and apprehend them/citizens arrest until the police arrive?

Post # 19
Member
3670 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

Also, I’m going to be honest.  I would probably let her stay home from school tomorrow.  I know she isn’t doing anything to be held out of school but I’d probably let her stay home and take the day off to relax.  I’d also need a day off to relax since both of you are so justifiably scared of what could happen. 

Post # 20
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1856 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

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@TexasSpringBride:  This makes me so, so angry on behalf of your daughter. Our family has been very lucky in that the only bullying my daughter has encountered has been verbal, and it’s (in comparison to your situation) much easier to give her ways to deal with it that made her feel empowered to make the other kids stop. I can’t imagine what we do in your situation, where your child is being threatened and realistically cannot defend herself. I can’t understand how the school is not taking this issue seriously, when it’s no secret what kind of devastating effects bullying has on the lives of children.

I know you both work, but what are your options for keeping her home from school in the short term? I just can’t imagine putting her in that situation every day when no one is helping your family.

Post # 23
Member
3622 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I wonder if there’s a lawyer who could help you get a restraining order against the kids. I know you said the school won’t release their names, but maybe a judge would issue a subpeona since the bullying was life-threatening.

Post # 24
Member
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

Can you add to the first police report if the threats were made to kill her after the first report you made? I am so sorry to hear this and so angry for you and your daughter. I would encourage you to keep reassuring her that her safety is your number 1 priority, that you will do everything you can to support her and stop the bullying, and let her know that it will not always be this way. If you continue to hear her make comments about not wanting to live, or if she begins to seem depressed it may be helpful to seek counseling for her so she can get some extra emotional support while you’re working on her physical safety.

Post # 27
Member
2522 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I got picked on at school, but it wasn’t physical abuse like this.

But I tell you what, I learned how to throw a punch or two. I didn’t fight all the time or anything, but there was this boy named Phillip who picked on me all the time: called me fat, ugly, stupid, poke/tap me really hard, etc etc. My parents would always reinforce the fact that nothing was wrong with me, but after coming home crying almost everyday, they flat out told me to punch the kid next time he harassed me.

So one day, I was drinking some water at a fountain, and he said

“HEY TORRID YOU BIG FAT DISGUSTING WHALE, SAVE SOME FOR THE FISHES!”

I turned around and clocked him in the face. I had enough of his bullying.
He fell to the floor, shocked, tears coming to his eyes.

That bastard never bothered me again.

I would suggest mace, getting her self-defense classes, and similar methods. Kids are crazy, but that shit is unacceptable.

Post # 28
Member
853 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

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@TexasSpringBride:  If your friend were to sit in a car and watch, I would have her do it with a video camera.

I would also call the local news tonight. Maybe that will scare the kids enough to get them to back off. 

I would also consider finding a counsellor for your daughter to visit. At 13, she is extremely vulnerable to the opinions of others, and I think that her talking to a counselor might help her cope with the stress of being assualted and having a death threat made against her. 

Do the kids know where you live? because if they do, it might not be a good idea for her to stay home alone. Do you or SO have the ability to take her to work with you?

I really hope that all works out, and those kids leave her alone. That is uncalled for, and they should be suspended (if not expelled) from her school. 

I also hope that your daughter gets to feeling better soon! 🙂

 

ETA: i see that she has an appointment with a counsellor. that is great!

Post # 30
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1856 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

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@TexasSpringBride:  This really makes me go ‘wtf’. I know a lot of schools have become very careful about discipline in recent years (ours does no detentions, only ‘time-outs’ and suspends only over drug-related issues) but this is nuts.

I’m so glad you’re getting her into a counselor ASAP. I’ve been looking online for some kind of resources that might be useful for your family but honestly a lot of it looks pretty victim-blaming, saying you should tell your child to just avoid those people, stay with adults, don’t attract attention – it doesn’t talk about the actual bully at all. Clearly these aren’t realistic steps to keep your child safe. Keep giving her lots of love and support and make it clear you will move heaven and earth to keep her safe.

Post # 31
Member
3622 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Sorry, this thread is making me SO ANGRY, I keep commenting.

I would sue the school district if they don’t start investigating immediately (ETA – I’d probably sue them no matter what, at this point). If you can’t afford a lawyer, I imagine that once the story is in the media, someone will volunteer to help you pro bono. I know these suggestions sound extreme, but I have never heard of such extreme bullying… what more needs to happen for the police and the school to care??

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