(Closed) My daughter is being bullied and I dont know what to do…frustrated vent

posted 8 years ago in Parenting
Post # 47
Member
11735 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

How infuriating! How can the police say it’s a school matter? Didn’t the attack happen off school grounds? 

I’d be going straight to my lawyer and the media! However, it’s tricky – you must think it through rationally about what will be the best for your daughter – you don’t want to make things worse with these punk ass kids.

Post # 49
Member
1290 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I haven’t read all the posts, just the first page, but I wanted to say you should definitely sign your daughter up for self defense classes. Certainly this wont help with this immediate problem but will help with her self confidence in the future after having to go through this 🙁 I am so sorry.

Post # 52
Member
1853 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

View original reply
@TexasSpringBride:  I’m so sorry that she’s feeling that way. I’m totally not trying to add salt to the wound here- but as Mama-Bear, you need to be on the lookout for negative and maladaptive coping mechanisms. 

My bullying was so severe, and I remember saying things exactly like what your daughter was, about wishing I was dead. I had so many negative emotions that weren’t being “validated” by people who were supposed to protect me (ie. school officials), and I turned to some really terrible coping mechanisms. I distinctly remember being 13 when I started cutting myself to deal with the stuff, and it later transitioned into an eating disorder. Just be on the absolute watch for stuff like this. (Suddenly only wearing long sleeves, becoming more withdrawn, blood stains on clothing). 13 is generally around the age when female self injuring begins, and it’s often triggered by bullying and invalidation. I think if my mom had caught on and been as vigilant as you are being, I would not have escalated to the point that I did. I’m really not trying to be a negative nancy, I just would never EVER want your daughter to develop a hurtful coping strategy that will be very difficult to overcome. I sincerely hope that it NEVER gets to that point for her.

Post # 53
Member
3878 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

This is horrible! I feel for you and your daughter and hope it works out tomorrow! I second the idea of getting her some mace to keep with her on the way home! I think even threatening to go to the press would help to get things rolling, even if you don’t plan to do it. Best of luck and I hope your daughter stays safe.

Post # 54
Member
2747 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

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@kittyface:  I agree with this. +1

Post # 56
Member
9478 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

Oh my goodness.  This is absolutely heartbreaking.  I don’t have any advice except – don’t give up.  Fight against bullies.  Your poor daughter.  I wish I could give her the biggest hug right now.  Please keep us updated.

Post # 58
Member
853 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

This is such a hard, unfair, infuriating, and unsafe situation for you and your daughter, and I’m so sorry. 

Since the incidents happened outside of school and off the property, I’m not sure how much responsibility the school even has (and I’m a HS teacher) – at this point, it becomes an issue for the police to control. There could be partial blame on the school because that’s likely where they met, but I can understand some of their reluctance to release information and punish the students. Should students be held responsible at school for all infractions that take place outside of school?

However, this should not be happening. There should be some serious action taking place with the bullies’ families to stop this now. 

I agree with three suggestions stated: first, enroll her in self-defense classes and encourage her to defend herself if she feels threatened. Second, go to the people above the principal – superintendant, state board of education – even the school counselor, who likely knows your daughter better than the principal. Third, if the school route doesn’t prove helpful, go to the press.

You also have to consider the sad and very unfortunate reality that you may have to switch her school if they really don’t do anything to help. As her mother, your responsibility is to keep her safe, and if the school environment is truly unsafe for her, then that may be a needed last resort. She can start fresh, with confidence in her new self defense skills.

Post # 60
Member
2481 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Have her tell him if she ever lays a hand on him again he’s going to get it back and then.. do something like….

Buy her a taser and have her taze the shit out of him-

a low volt one ( you can get one off ebay for about 5 bucks) or have her put something heavy in a bag and smack the shit out of him with it.

..

when I was in kindergarten this boy used to come up to me and push me down and steal my luch so I told him if you touch me again I’m going to slug you— so I did.

they threatened to susupend me from school but I was only 6 so they didnt

and if she is not getting beat up on school property file a police report- I’d file one either way and get this kids parents involved- schools suck times beacuse..

in first grade I had some more boys ( different ones picking on me and my friends) for a few days one day they had us cornered so I picked up a huge brick and chucked it at him it gave him a huge black eye- I waited out side the principals office the next day after his mom complained to the school but the principal was to busy and I never got in trouble with the school but I did with my mom and had a lesson in the differances between just chucking it at the kid with out a warning or proper provication and giving the bully a warning etc…

 

 

Post # 61
Member
2481 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

also since she can’t have a taser at school just have her hide it somewhere like under a rock or something right out school grounds and pick it up right before where she is getitng beat up.

also maybe another route home?

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