(Closed) My daughter is being bullied and I dont know what to do…frustrated vent

posted 8 years ago in Parenting
Post # 62
Member
367 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

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@TexasSpringBride:  I’m so sorry to hear about what’s happening to your daughter. The schools behaviour is disgusting!!! Verbal bullying is one thing but when they are physically bullying her and putting her in real danger that needs to be addressed seriously!

I agree with PP when they say get her to a self defence. Not just so if she really needs to she can stand up for herself but apparently they really help boost kids self estime which would definately help her.

I hope the school listen and put a stop to it. I don’t have kids but I would be with you raising hell to protect your kids!

Post # 63
Member
1092 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

For the life of me I will never understand why it makes a kid feel good to want to hurt another human being. As a mom myself I feel for you, you want to protect your daughter… The mama bear wanting to protect her young

I believe you’re doing the right things by keeping her home tomorrow, Having a friend watch over her, etc.  and some fellow bee’s have given you some advise. Here’s mine… I know your daughters school is backlogged with this bullying crap but her life was threatened and if the principal doesn’t act now, go to the superintendent. I’d also speak to an attorney to find out your legal rights and any action you can take. I don’t know if this would be considered intrapment but could she carry a small tape recorder and when she has to walk alone (even on campus) have it recording to be able to prove whats going on? If she can’t transfer schools could you have her tutored a while or home schooled? My nephew was home schooled by a neighbor woman who taught her own children because my sister wasn’t able to.

I hope you get this settled quickly for both you and your daughter.

Post # 64
Member
4474 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

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@ThreeMeers: “The press should be your last resort tomorrow. Why? Because at the end of the day your daughter may not be a target anymore, but people will be afraid to be her friend (seen this happen). She is young enough that other kids will be afraid to be her friend or blame her for getting “so and so cool kid” to get in trouble. Kids dont play fair. “

I agree with you, I think this is good advice.  

 

God, it’s infuriating that it takes THREE weeks for the police to do anything.  I hope the police turn up at the homes of these little shits and scare the crap out of them.

Post # 65
Member
6737 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

I think you still need to make a big stink at the precinct.  Sometimes the officers that come out to the scene have a much different approach than the supervisors back at the stationhouse..

Post # 66
Member
3636 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Can you get her a mobile phone (cell phone) to use for the walk home to call the cops if she needs to? When she eventually starts walking home again by herself this might make her feel better.

Post # 67
Member
1026 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m so sorry you and your daughter are going through this.  It sounds like you’ve gotten some good advice on here.  You mentioned you’re husband is in the military.  You should be able to go into the JAG office and get some advice on what legal options you have.  The school may take you a lot more seriously if they know you’ve contacted an attorney.  

Post # 68
Member
882 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@TexasSpringBride: This post breaks my heart. I work with and write books for teens on contemporary teen issues, the most prevelant of which is bullying. It has gotten so out of hand and schools don’t know how—nor don’t want to deal with it. For girls it’s the worst.

Please take her out of school until this is resolved—as much as it can be. Claim homeschooling, get a doctor’s note, lie about a family emergency. Her being at school is going to have a much more negative impact on her life, psyche, and well-being than facing a judge for truency (which the documented physical and mental abuse she is facing at school—the judge WILL be on her side.)

Watch the video @the_future_mrs just posted. It’s criminal that something that awful could happen to that 15 year old in today’s world. But the honest truth is that bullying and teen suicide happens way more often than adults would like to admit. It’s a huge problem and there is no easy solution, but you don’t want your daughter to end up like Amanda Todd or the thousands of other teen girls (and boys) that feel that they have no escape from their bullys. 

If your principal will allow it—ask for a school-wide assembly to talk over the consequences of bullying and have everyone read the book 13 Reasons Why by Jay Asher. As a teen advocate and publishing professional, I believe it should be required reading for today’s teens. 

You and my daugter will be in my thaughts and prayers…PM me if you need any tactics to talk to with her and/or the school admins. I have a lot of experience with both in this issue. Don’t sit back on this…you really did the right thing by asking for help. 

 

Post # 69
Member
1853 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

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@BrooklynWife:  13 Reasons Why was a great book, I agree!

Post # 70
Member
1853 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Also, and hopefully this is not upsetting to you- I called my Stepdad at the other end of the country last night, who taught school for 31 years.

He said that it’s unacceptable how they are dealing with this. I asked him what he felt would be the best way to deal with the apathy coming from your daughter’s school.

He suggested to show up at the school without your daughter. Do it when she is at home, completely away from the building. Be well dressed and presentable, because unfortunately you will be judged on your appearance. Go to the office/administration desk, and politely say that you need to speak to the principal. If they say you need an appointment, or she’s not available, just look the secretary in the eye and say “Well this is an emergency, and I won’t be leaving until I speak with either the principal or the vice principal.” And then sit your ass down in a chair, and say nothing until someone deals with you. Which they will, eventually. School officials know that parents have the potential to cause a BIG scene, and they would rather prevent it at all costs.

Arm yourself with information. Take pictures of your daughter’s cuts and bruises, and print them. Bring them in a folder, and lay them on his desk. Be calm, but don’t take no for an answer. Look up school laws, state laws, etc. Have your speech prepared, and then present it in a really curt and serious way. If he can get some time off work even for an hour, have your Fiance attend in uniform. It’s silly, but military uniforms really do give off this “Don’t mess with me,” vibe. (Even if your Fiance is the sweetest most docile man ever, it still looks intimidating.)

Absolutely threaten to go to the press with this. Say that you will gladly take these images and your story to the local paper, news, radio. That you are disgusted with how your daughter’s school is dealing with bullying. (Even if you have NO intentions- your principal is NOT going to want this to happen. At all.)

Remember as well that many school officials are parents as well. This is something to mention. “As a principal, can you really tell me that if this was YOUR child being physically beaten- you would do nothing? Would you be content accepting this, while they are severely beaten to the point of a head injury? How would YOU feel if your child told you that they wanted to die, because their school life was so emotionally difficult.”

 

Post # 71
Member
1684 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I am so, so sorry your dealing with this. 

You’ve had lots of good suggestions. I don’t really have anything to add, except maybe see if there’s an after school club she’s interested in or a teacher she can stay late with for the next few weeks, until something’s done?

I can’t imagine how angry and frightened this situation must make you. :/ 

Post # 72
Member
2491 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Schools always have several levels of authority, and you need to move up the chain. What you want to try to do is to, move up the chain of authority and document every call and interview you do with the school!

I say that next you should be to call the superintendent. If nothing is done call parent council (they are a great resource) and your district education leader. If all of that fails, go to the press. I’d leave press as a last resort because you will get a lot more done if there is an effort to keep the school and district out of the papers.

It is so important to document be ause you can say to trustees, board officials or the press, “I had a meeting with the principal, John Doe, on Oct 2, 4, 5 and 9th, and still there was no resolution. In these meetings he guaranteed that ____;”. 

Post # 73
Member
1812 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

1. Help your daughter keep a diary of even the smallest incidents involving these students.  This will be vital evidence when the case is FINALLY taken up.

2. As the school is aware there is a problem, discuss with the principal the possibility of your daughter being allowed to leave the last class 10-15 minutes earlier so that she has a head start.  Also seek out a different route she may be able to take.

3.  If this isn’t possible, either arrange to meet your daughter to walk home with her, or if she feels this will cause more problems, agree that you, or another known adult will follow her at an acceptable distance, just so she knows she has backup.

4. Do not give up with the school.  Keep on pestering them until something is done.

5. Keep strong for your daughter, and always remind her how special she is, and how none of this is her fault.  Encourage her to take up a self-defence course or martial arts class to build her confidence, which I’m certain is taking a knocking.  Give her a big hug from me as well.

Post # 75
Member
9831 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

Good luck today! 

Post # 76
Member
1812 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

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@TexasSpringBride:  I’m right behind you in spirit!  The fact that a child has been killed by a bully there and they still are skirting the issue is a bloody disgrace!

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