Post # 1
- Wedding: May 2011 - Bartram's Garden
I started thinking about this based on another thread and was wondering what the rest of you thought.
I know that a lot of brides thinkof the wedding as “my day” or, hopefully, “our day.” As in “It’s our day, so I don’t care that my aunt thinks I should carry peonies instead of roses. We’re doing it our way.”
And I think that’s a perfectly fine way of looking at things when it comes to matters of decor and details.
But when it comes to bigger, more emotional issues that will really make a close family member or friend uncomfortable, I feel like “my day” is somewhat of a copout.
“I insist that my bridesmaids all wear the same slinky, strapless dress. I don’t care if the size-16 girl feels uncomfortable and unattractive among the size-2 girls, because IT’S MY DAY.”
All I can say is, on MY special day, I want all of my friends and family to be as comfortable as possible. That’s part of what makes it special.
Post # 3
I agree with you. When it comes to ‘our things’ like dress, suit, decor, I don’t care about negative opinions because these are our decisions and it is our wedding.
When it comes to what the bridesmaids are wearing I just want everyone to be comfortable and happy. I honestly don’t care if they decide they want to wear trash bags and cut their hair into mullets, as long as they’re happy.
I think the mentality of having everything the exact way you want it and not caring about the feelings of other people involved is super bridezilla-ey
Post # 4
I would hope that most people agree with you on that.
I think that it’s pretty well understood (at least, on these boards), that the “my day” mentality is fine when it comes to the date, the location, the style, the dress, etc. But for the things that start to affect family’s emotions and guests’ comfort, well, that’s a whole other story and the couple can deal with those on a case-by-case basis.
I know that my husband and I made quite a few consessions for our wedding, and in the end, because it made a lot of other people happier, we were happy to do it.
Post # 5
I agree with you. I don’t necesarily think it’s even our “day”. It’s more like our ceremony. If you think about it, the reception isn’t really even for the couple, it’s for the guests.
Post # 6
I agree. I intentionally picked a dress they all feel comfortable in. It might not be everyone’s first choice, but they are still happy. And it’s only ‘your day’ as far as everyone is there to support you. That’s where it stops. No one is your slave, people still have needs.
Post # 7
I totally agree with you… but at the same time, there are details that I want MY/OUR way and I’m not going to budge just because my mom/his mom/his cousin’s uncle’s first cousin’s daughter’s dog likes something different. In that way, yes, it’s our day. But yeah, I want our guests to be comfortable, I want them to have a good time, and everything we plan, we plan with them in mind.
Post # 8
I totally didn’t address the bridesmaid issue at all, lol – I’m allowing my girls to wear a black dress of their choosing, no guidelines. But 2/3 of them are flying to PA from TX, so that’s a huge expense already. Didn’t want them to have any additional investments.
Post # 9
I agree. I’ve never been comfortable with the whole “its my day” thing. I just don’t feel that way. I very much feel that its my day, my FI’s day, and our family’s day. And with everyone in mind, we’ve planned what I think is a wedding that will please the masses. We’ve been very conscious of including everyone that matters most to us every step of the way. I think, if handled properly (and some things you can’t control), a wedding can be such a great bonding experience for all of the key players.
Post # 10
I couldn’t agree more! My mom didn’t like my shoes, my dad didn’t like my centerpieces, etc., etc., but I ignored all of that. When it came to things that would actually impact my guests – parking, the food, etc., I tried to make sure I was thinking of what they would like, what would make them most comfortable. I’m from small-town Midwest and if I had insisted on getting married in a hotel banquet hall with a sit-down dinner, I know that would have been uncomfortable for both families – really not the type of wedding to which they’re accustomed. I think there’s a happy medium between what makes you happy and what makes those around you happy on the big day.
When it came to the Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses, I let the BMs set the limitations on what they wanted/didn’t want, and then I started sending them a bunch of options and we went with the one they both jumped on.
Unfortunately, when it came time to pick my Bridesmaid or Best Man dress for one of my BMs weddings (my SIL), she asked us what we wanted, and I said my only request was something with an empire cut/not skin tight because there was a possibility I would be pregnant by then. Her other Bridesmaid or Best Man had a few things she wanted/didn’t want as well that she felt would work best with a plus-size gal. In the end, SIL pushed us to wear skin-tight dresses that I was afraid would be hard to wear if I were pregnant, and she asked us to delay TTC until after her wedding.
Post # 11
Actually, I think it depends on which kind of emotional family/friend situation your discussing. Another hypothetical: One aunt (Aunt 1) isn’t speaking to another aunt (Aunt 2) & doesn’t want Aunt 2 to be invited or Aunt 1 just won’t come & demands that her daughter, one of the BMs, refuse to stand up with the Bride. In this scenario, should the Bride/Groom pull an “It’s OUR day” or should the Bride/Groom agree to Aunt 1’s demands in order to make sure everyone (except Aunt 2 & any of Aunt 2’s family) is “comfortable”, or should Bride/Groom just not invite either aunt & remove the possibility of drama at the wedding/drama from NOT inviting one of the aunts?
In my hypothetical situation, I’m of the mind that “It’s OUR day”…either not invite either & keep the Bridal Party small (no cousin) or invite both & tell my cousin to not take it personally, then tell Aunt 1 to suck it up because “It’s OUR day.”
Post # 12
i agree to a degree. yes, i want my bridesmaids to be comfortable and i let them choose a dress that makes them comfortable. but again, it’s “my” day, and i want to be surrounded by pink flowers on my day, which includes pink flowery dresses. my moh/sister hates pink flowery dresses. to be perfectly honest, i just don’t care. she was able to choose one that is not a mini skirt, covers her chest, and has sleeves, so she’s covered in all of the right places and feels good. but she’ll be covered in pink flowers.
Post # 13
its your party for theme, but i agree for the things that impact others, its a party you are throwing! would you do that at a house party?